CRAZZZZZZZEI

it was HER necklace, HER earring, HER suspender.
it was MY BRO shirt.
it was MY cap.

me and sitikus went crazy!!!
hahahahaa
love her lots. we were not even behaving like an aunt and a niece. it was like BESTEST FRIEND EVA.

i'm laying alone with my head on the phone
thinking of you till it hurts

should i stay should i go?

"i don't need space. i need you."
it was like a dream. that never came true.

exactly a year ago, my snoring was a lullaby. hah...
and now, i don't even hear your voice at night. laughing.

i'm letting go. the only one i called mine.
i'm letting go. the love of my life.
i'm letting go. and you're not stopping.

you were right. it was a just a simple space. that you need. but i can't give.
i love you, B. more than anything else. but i can't seem to hold on to ...nothing.

i always thought that you gonna be there. but the last time i turn around, you were nowhere.

I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free
But it sure is hard to do
Yeah, it sure is hard to do
And I know they say if they don't come back again
Then it's meant to be
But those words ain't pulling me through
Cos I'm still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me going through the mill

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye

Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance
and I know without a doubt
I turned it inside out
And if we walked away
would make more sense
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on a carousel
Going round and round and never getting anywhere?



i was afraid to let go, for fear of losing my one true love. But the pain of holding on slowly tears at the once strong heart.

ku dibebani bayangan mu

with the heat, the heavy bag, the only- oh-so-crowded-kampung-melayu and the HIGH heels, i came back home with not only blisters but the tiredness i have not felt for the longest time. don't get me wrong, it was MY sister's hangbag and her high heels.

and i met SHAZZY! deliciously the cutest malay hiphop guy eva. hahahahaa...

why am i feeling high? god knows

okay i take that back. im not feeling any high.

hari raya is like in three days time. it feels diff. like seriously.
cos for me, it's been a difficult fasting month for me. so to celebrate the "victory day", i'm not sure i can. probably because i'm not leading the race. probably because i don't know how long this is gonna take.

aku pasrah

walaupun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu

the feel i'm feeling - kekasih gelapku ungu

i just realise that not only that i'm having sleepless nights but i've been waking up in the middle of the night with cold sweat.

and the nightmare i just had was weird. probably cos i watched the devil's backbone. i don't know.

i'm kinda in a lazy mode which just not making things any better.
lina said something. and it makes me laugh when it is supposingly to be a serious matter. wahahahahahaa..

making love out of nothing at all

the blues i'm feeling - ada cinta acha and irwansyah

i keep re-edit my post again and again. not sure if it's gonna backfire on me if i'm gonna write something wrong.

so it's just me and my bed. i think i feel more comfortable. like totally comfortable. =)
makes me feel like my "teenage" days. hehehehee

oh and i remember the movie tentang dia. every words. just..... make you wanna think. and not be selfish. you know sometimes you can be too carried away and be obsessively selfish.

Dalam lelah kuberharap
Datangnya sebuah keajaiban
Walau berat kurasakan
Namun kulakukan semua untuk cinta
it was never a lie. it comes from the heart. really.

lalala

another day another night.

weird people keeps calling me. and everytime my phone rang, i was off somewhere. in the toilet or in the hall. and when i tried to ring them back, they won't wanna pick up.
nicee...

my walls are better now.
i don't know with all the dirt and the dust and the webs all gone, i hope i have a better night tonight.

and someone make my day.
i know things aren't going right for me but hey i deserve to atleast smile, right?
hahahahaa.. someone with a short shorty hair seh.

Face the Book

ok i think i shall stop before i get tooooo involve in facebook. its driving me nuts. i know its an addict. and my profile is so full of stuff it's a mess. and i dont even know how to make it look err... neater. oh what the hell.

naz and i were IM-ing when she told me she is probably being dengue-fied. babe, you got to take care la!

yesterday break fast at woodlands my uncle's house. food food food and more food. this fasting month is the fattening month.

oh ya... i need to talk to shruts. babe.... this is getting serious la. i miss you!

One

we were playing the blaming game.

i admit i was throwing my words all around.
and i just can't seem to find the reason for what i was doing.
and i don't seem to be picking up the pieces that i broke.

you were right. i wasn't thinking. about how you gonna feel. i wasn't thinking about the times we had together when i type those words in my entry. i wasn't.

i have let you down. i hurt you. deep.

it was a mistake no one should ever make to someone they love. but i made my mistake. i just want you to know cupcake, that as much i want our friendship to last forever, i can't be selfish. i hurt you. more than i can imagine. i know cause everytime i think about what i did to you, i break down and cry. cos i know what i did to you was...breaking your heart.

if it's really what it's written that it probably got to end like this, then i have to accept the punishment. maybe there's someone who's better out there who can take up my place.

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Friends

A long time ago, we used to be friends
But I haven't thought of you lately at all
If ever again, a greeting I send to you,
Short and sweet to the soul I intend.

A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh
A, ah-ahh-ahh-ahh

Come on now, honey,
Bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
Just remember me when you're good to go
Come on now, sugar,
Bring it on, bring it on, yeah.
Just remember me when.

It's something I said, or someone I know.
Or you called me up, maybe I wasn't home.
Now everybody needs some time,
And everybody knows
The rest of it's fine
And everybody knows that

We used to be friends a long time ago.

My Baby

You Beeches

Friends.

i have make my mistakes. yea i did. a lot. there are times i failed being a fren. for someone. for some people. but hey, what right have you got to verbally abuse my GIRL. my GIRLFRIENDSS.

hate them. hate me. bloody hell.

back in school, you guys got a sweet tongue. but now, hahaha...

i bet GUYS who dont shave their armpit just don't know how to use the razor and trim their filthy mouth too.

won't wanna waste time on them. anymore

just make something clear- if you hairy "manjen" gamblers know nuts bout someone, just shut your armpit. cos it stinks.

uniquely malay

ini adalah kali pertama ku menaip diari maya aku dalam bahasa ibunda. terasa keganjilnya. hahaha... nak bahsa baku pulak tu.

semestinya ada alasan kenape alih2 aku ingin menaip diari maya aku dalam bahasa ibunda ku (eh, bukan senang tau)

dah lame aku tak melayari internet. apetah lagi menulis/menaip di dalam blog aku.

banyak yang berlaku dlm hidup aku. dari cinta sampailah ke hal keluarga dan kerje.

~

sukarnya di rasa apabila ungkapan kata di hati
tidak dapat diluahkan mulut yang terkunci
bahasa apakah akan membuat diri ku didengar
seindah mimpi bukanlah satu realiti yang boleh di gambar

tersembunyi didalam tipu helah dunia
ku berdiri tegak tapi tak bernyawa
dulu ku kau sanjung tinggi di atas sana
kini ku rasa kasih hilang berganti masa

tak tercapai hasrat yang dihajati
mereka memaksa aku memberi
senyuman diberi walau hati disakiti
kan ku ke medan untuk impian yang di mimpi

~

pendek je la. tapi pada ku ianya cara utk aku meluahkan rojak-rojak perasaan ku ini.

aku seakan rasa yang ...(bukannye senang hendak berbicara) diri di landa "disaster of emotion". macam ragu dengan perasaan sendiri. ragu dengan apa yang di lihat dan di pandang.

macam aper yang dinyanyikan lagu ada cinta dari acha dan irwansyah - "mengapa sulit mengaku cinta padahal ia terasa"

but this is just not only bout love...

faham tak?

chiao

=)

Convince me to stand
At the black side of the bank
But can I hear you call
When I’m about to fall

Was buried in emotions
Couldn’t hide in the ocean

I was missing you

Enshrouded in here
Discriminated against
Will you be my listening ear
And chase away my fear

In my world
Of one’s solitude
I remembered my obligation to you
But suddenly I see all ain’t the truth
In an instance I stood up
Like a paralyzed bird flying up high
To its air castle in the bluest sky

I do care
About the darkest star
And the rainbow scar
My agony is not a subject
When you’re next I feel perfect

things have change. whether one likes it or not

i hope you're doing fine out there without me
cos i'm not doing so good without you

just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart

live earth

i'm dead bored NOT.

watch live earth live on msn NOW.

even my blog insist of going green today. and for couple of days.

don't have to wait for channel 5. watch it now!

save the gaia girls and boys.

http://liveearth.msn.com



ps- watch it with internet explorer. the best.

I'm Sorry

tell me what to do
tell me what to say

Oh Love

Sometimes when we wake up in the morning and you realize that cupid shoot you right on the spot, all you ever think of is that very person you want to spend your life with. You smiled thinking how blessed prata is when it is taste with curry. You close your eyes thinking of only that face you want to see when you open your eyes to the light of the sun.

You’re falling in love all over again.

I asked myself. How can I keep falling and falling with the same person for nearing a year now without feeling stupid? How can I have a straight smile when I heard the voice getting all so annoyed cos’ the sleep I disturbed? How can I just get reminded of that person in every minute ticking?

I was asked about the vagueness in the future. Will you still love me like now? Will there be insanity between us wanting to just make us go our separate ways? Will there be someone out there who you are better off with? Will you ever get tired of me? What if, you fall out of love?

I don’t know why I’m so in love. I don’t know what is in for my future. For our future. But I know questionlessly, that true love came once in your life. And mine has arrived at my doorstep nine months, nine days and a few hours ago. Still holding on to it. Just be assured, that I won’t let it go.

So Love,
I can’t promise her anything. Not a certain future. Not an assured dream. But if she ask me about it again, I will say whatever it is, I’m here to stay. Let that someone come our way. I’m going to love only her. I’m going to be true to the love of my life. Whatever it takes she is going to be the only one. Who got my heart. Who got me right.

Regards,
the One Loving Her


Sweet or what?

falling in love is like...

Do you know what is the easiest thing in life is?

Living life isn’t easy but to fall in love is. You don’t need to put in any effort. Not even to smile or move your ass. It’s the only effortless thing a human can ever do.

If only keeping it is as easy as it can be. If only letting it go is even easier.

The purest thing of all in this mean cold world; can there be a dirty mark on it? Can there be a line of hatred crossed it? Can there be a scar of blood in it?

What does it take to make someone cry all night? What does it take to break your heart to a million pieces?

A string of painful truth? A deflective feeling from the other part? Or both of it?

Sometimes I asked myself, when someone hurt you deep, when someone makes you bleed, is it worth a second chance? Or is it even worth to give it a try?

Why do we have to cling on something we know won’t go right? Why do we have to keep a smile when inside the real feelings we fight?

Maybe cos’ no one make you smile like how he did. Maybe you feel that you can secretly love him at the back of the classroom and no one will ever notice. Maybe you just can’t stop but to love him. More as each day pass. The more tears we cried, the deeper we fell. In love. With someone who don’t deserve an atom of this pureness from our heart.

I told you it’s just too easy to fall in love. Way to easy.

And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I’m in this condition
And I got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what
You’ll never see me cry

with regards,
chiao my ladies
pinkrocker signing out

Lilies of the Spiders

remember brokeback mountain?

do you know which is the most powerful scene of all?

well the scene in BBM where Jack and Ennis kiss on the stairs. in which i think is an incredibly powerful piece in that whole movie.

why?

not cos its sexy or anything. but if you're good at watchin "art" movies like BBM, you will know that THAT scene reveals the depth and power of desire that the two men feel for each other more than any other moment in the film.

and guess what?

Spider Lilies is here. with the misfortune of it being a r21 movie (fuck it) but get the chance to watch the trailer and the kissing scene at youtube thou. so just like BBM-kiss-on-the-stairs-scene, this two chicks kissing is full of emotion. hehehee...

A very special movie indeed.

Bear, how?

chiao =)