it seems like ages since i last update my blog. is it laziness or is it just simply not to tell people what my boring life is all about?

i dunnoe. mayb its both.

but well, now im extremely bored. like to the core. and sooo i blog. but tht is not the only reason why i wanna blog todae. i just feel like .... blogging. u know tht kind of feelings?

oh well..

after skol, life seems to be like totally a new thing. u dun get to see ur frens as often. u dun get the chance to talk at the back of the classroom and talk all shit all day. u dun get tht moments anymore where u slack at the studyroom when were suppose to do our prjts. u dun hv tht time when u go down to the canteen just to get a glimpse of the cute guys ard and get ur fav french fries from the western shop.

look back at those times, i dunnoe. i feel my life now is a boring shit.
if only i can relive those days AGAIN.

ok, im not tryin to be emo or wat. just tht, u know when u think bout all this sweet stuff.
im just bein random.
i guess..

cupcake is leavin to aust this feb.
for .... 4 years i guess?
thts.... long.
too long....
but i pray for her best.
my cuppiecake. =))

then i have my queenies. all the shits we went thru. all the unbelievable things we did. omg.. i miss bvss suddenly. how can i go thru tht four dreadful years without them? how la dei HOW? things totally change. but not the love i have for them. theyre my queens for god sake. how i wish life is like a book. like seriously. then we can just live those moments again and again and again...

how we see things, how we deal with it, how we go thru each day without tht someone next to u. when u suppose to meet ur love one but it just didnt go as it plan.

and everything else just backfires on u.





How can I say
Say I'll be okay

my mum

from day one, i know you not as a revenge soul. but im afraid that when you do, the only person i can think you getting all so revengeful will be - your mum.

that thought frightened me.
my mum, shes the first woman i love. shes the one who i called out when i was in pain. shes the one i always wanna make her feel proud. and the most happiest mother ever..

but i know i cant. no matter how much effort being put in.. i just cant. and im not sure if im gonna give up.

~

i dun wish for anything from her except one. since young.
i wonder why its so hard for her to give it to me.
if she can give me the money, ipod, clothes, foods, drink, shelter and everythin else.. why not this?
is it so hard... to just be a lil understanding towards me?

is it some kind of a punishment for me?
have i been making the most sinful thing in this world tht she just cant give me some understandin side of her?

as long as im concern, i have not been makin her literally crawl to the police station to save myself from being accused of doing something.

yes, she can say im the most laziest among my siblings. im the most stubborn one. im the most rebellious kid. im the most selfish beech ever.
so is it fair..

oh ya, since when the world is fair.

even my sis who is the closest one to me in the family, dont really seem to understand. me. youre a girl. youre not like bro who is a guy, who can do whatever he wants to do. so, dont compare yourself with him.

ouch.

my mum always tells me, make ppl happy first before making yourself happy. and then onwards i have always been holding on to that. ever since then i have always thot whatever shes doin is to make me happy..
but am i?

=)

will all this make me hold something against her?
and be all so revengeful?

i dun want to.
i can.

but no.




i dun wanna make more sins than im alrdy making.




i love you mum


chiao

when u only almost here

when heart just breaks...
when even the sweetest words cant heal..
when things are not meant to be...

how far it seems

its been weeks since i blog.
will blog again when im better off..

just that i wanna state here

i think im losing it..
somehow im losing in the pretendin game.
somehow im getting more sensitive towards da love one s.

and right now... all i need is

to be invisible.





Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak...

Darimu...
Kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku...
Kau lah cinta sejati


chiao

just a day u hate ...

have u ever had a day that you dont wish to talk about?

for me, i dont wish to talk about TODAY to anyone.
so...pls dont ask me hows my day todae, where did i go todae, wat did i do todae, who am i with todae, etc etc..

even if todae is not gonna be a total bad day for me, it is just breakin my heart to go thru it, itself.

err... wat is so bad about today?

=)

u dont have to know.

when its not meant to be




chiao

meteors raining down on you..

...you know you are just like asking for meteors to rain down on you...

The exact sentence I said that makes someones heart cracked.

REALITY CHECKED.

Sometimes what is on your head or mind should never be heard. Sometimes you just got to shut yourself up and stop thinking about the future.

But at times, you just cant afford NOT to think about what lies ahead of you. Especially when it consent looking ahead WITH someone. People tend to wish to live in dreams and fantasy. They want to probably live in denial?

That is what most of us are doing. This is what I have been doing. But… it scares you till you wet your pants thinking about what is tomorrow. It freaks you out every time you have thoughts about it.

But right now when I think about i... I dont think it is any sort of fairytale dream. It is a dream that I wanna live.

So this is the future that I want to have. That I wanna live. Whether or not meteors gonna rain down on me, I have chosen the path to lead me to my future.

Then you will know that meteors can rain down on you…

~We built our dream house on a hill by the sea~

marion raven can never bore me with her voice...


chiao

for the ccake

~Do you ever wonder~
~What sky I'm lying under~
~Do you ever think of me~
~Does your heart remember~

first paper todae.
was excited somehow as i truly miss my hoogaz. its been a week since we all met. sandy was happy to get the patrick i gave to her. yayness.

paper was as suckie as ever. but as suckie as it is, i wrote two booklets. sometimes i amaze myself by how good i can crap.

hugs were given till i almost make shangz fell down. heh
cos it will be in another few more days before im able to meet all of them again.
that truly SUCK.

oh yea, sandy and i were talkin on our way back home.
i was tryin my best to live in denial.
but somehow i should have known better, truth hurts.

ever since i read tht particular blog... i just cant help but to think of it..

and then... i wrote a poem.
for a friend.

cupcake

As I sat here through my tears
I look back on these two years

I dont seem to remember when you first said hi
But I do remember the day Ive made you cry
It was when I refuse to sing Mice love Rice
Then you smiled and it was worth none a price

You left me alone today without a hug
And whenever I think about it, it breaks my heart
But not as worse as the day that you gonna depart
I know for sure that it will haunt me like Im on drugs

If I have seen this coming
If I have known it for long
I wont lean on you
Then it wont be hard to break thru

Will you ever think of me?
When there is no one you can bully?
Will you ever miss me?
When me you couldnt see?

As time pass, you will be on your own
Especially when youre in the other zone
Promise me you will not get lost
Cos I wont be there to help you cross

True they say...

The hardest thing about friendship is parting
Like when someone you love moves away
It seemed as if our friendship was just starting
Until that one fateful day

chiao

here without you

its hard holding u holding her

Today is seriously NOT my day. Barely slept for three hours and I receive a call from – MY MUM. At exactly 9.45 in the morn, she called my handphone and asked me to wake up.

And that make me tear in the toilet.

Right now, I am fighting with this thing called MIGRAINE. Something that I DO NOT wishes to have during the fasting month. And nothing, NOTHING is helping me to make my pain less painful.

~

Actually that is not what I wanna blog about. Been wanting to blog since ages ago but, I dont seem to have the right time to type it. So here it goes.

A few days ago, I was listening to this song after so long. And it bring me back to the time where… sorry I cant say it here =)

Then right after that song, another song played which makes me think about the present.

That was when I realize how confuse a kid I am. How a mess my life is. Ok, maybe not as messy as it sound but… I just got to clear things. Sweep the old stuff. And make the present the only thing that should be in my mind.

as confuse as i am, i am still a a a a... eh, i just know what im doing. JUST THAT IM A LIL CONFUSE KKKK!?

im actually feelin better now. not that sleepy. not that cranky.
i think it is because of the painkiller i took straight after my break fast.

now...

MUG

chiao chiao

thinkin think

without a phone i walk out of the house.
no no.. not to run away u goon, to break fast.

yes, i do feel handicap without it. i feel that a part of me is not With me.

but without it, it makes me feel the freedom. no? u dont understand? its ok. u dont have to.

so the ride to my destination was undisturbing. no phone calls, no msgs. just me, myself and my mp3. that was when i started to think.

about stuff that is recently seems to be very important to me. or people i shall say. somehow life is look as if its a new thing to me. it may not be the most beautiful thing ever but it is a meaningful one. life is.. a meaningful thing god send to a being.

oh, i need tmr to happen just like how its been planned. by me. no no no.. not suprises just tht the day is gonna be a smooth one.
lets all pray.


chiao

have u ever wonder

its a perfect day for me. almost..

i dun think i can ask for more. really.

~

and yea, actually there is nothin else to blog bout.

thankin you will be weird.
so i wont do it.


every moment i cherish.
ever bits i remember.

boo.


chiao

shop for baby

my legs are officially aching real bad.
but with my angel shruts ard, everythin seems to disappear.
and i got to thank her for everythiin she did for me todae.

from taka to wisma, from heeren to ps.
hahahahaa.
all the trouble for one thing.
=)

i soo totally cant wait for tmr.
yippe.
gonna start muggin.


give it up for RIZZYYY...

~

someone is soooo totally screwing up my goober moood...arghhh F*ck
i neeed to feel the goober in me.

unspoken words

when ur unspoken words start to haunt you in your mind..
it keeps running and running across ur mind..
how do you stop it?

yesterday, wasnt really my day. my legs were aching kinda bad due to some stuff that happened the day before (hehehe..) and i was being dragged from causeway point to GEYLANG then to WOODLANDS again before im able to have my body back to my own room.

i was only able to close my eyes at 3 which then i got to wake up at bout 4.30 for pre dawn meal.
how interesting.

~

exams next week. like you know NEXT WEEK.
then u know wats next, HARI RAYA.
something tht i lost interest three years ago.
its jsut something that i have no mood to celebrate it la.
for the past three years, hari raya came at the wrong timing.
i think thts the reason why.

ok. need to mug alrdy.

chiao chiao

hoogazian

just like how cupcake blog, i cant seem to find the right words to say or type in this entry about my hoogaz.

it can b two short years but the memories we have will be with me for a lifetime.

~

exams are ard the corner. before skols officially over.
how i wish we can continue living in denial. but no we cant.
and i have yet to say wat i wanna say.

and i got to say it before its too late.
before time flies.

chiao

someone ask me to blog.but im not sure if i can blog. cos yea.

mm..well i got only one thing to blog now actually.

MY ANGEL SHRUTS IS BACK FROM INDIA!!!

omg la.

and tht means My Maniac Fren - Fahm is back too.

double yeayness.
hehehehe


till then.

chiao

u make me beautiful

what is the word tht can describe today?

seriously, i cant find words to describe it..

amazing huh.

how u wish life is as beautiful as today...

~

somehow the song tht im listenin now...
it makes me think of how much I have grown through out the year im with my hoogaz. im not good in words so.. let the Song speak for itself.

amazing how life is

Its amazing how things are different now. I feel alil change in me. I just felt that somehow someone or something have enlightened me.

But of cost there are still things that cant be change over a short period of time. Especially when it comes to the issue that involves our feelings.

Just a week ago, the feelings of insecurities made me have nightmares every time I close my eyes to sleep. I felt naked to know that some of my darkest deepest secrets were known. I felt the fear of having to remember the past.

And then I came across to realize how selfish I am.

I’m holding on to something and have never thought of letting it go just cos I felt that it was one of the most beautiful things ever. I was wrong. I was being a selfish beech. I didn’t think about the situation I have put people into.

…and then recently I took something that I can’t afford to give as much.

i dunnoe if i can get out of this phase of life in one piece but im sure i will get out of it soon. cos the people ard me have faith in me? i choose to believe that.
=)

I got to make it all right. And I got to start doing it now.


Im just unwell.
Till then, pray me fine.





chiao

before i leave

well, here i am chasing after time before everything gonna change.

i just wanna say... i love u guys.



i really do.



im soo gonna miss u all.



take care...

alrite

it was such a finneee day for me.
the ppl tht surrounds me make me smile the wholeeee day. the weather was the best. it was pouring. its time to get wet. its been a verrryyy long time u know.

i wanna thank cupcake aka porg tofu but best known as APRIL, for the handmade bag and one of her books. thanks girl. not only cos of all these but also for being the fren.

how can i EVER find another cupcake when i have you..?
how can i EVER find another tofu when u are the only one who bully me?

=)

and of cost to my hoogaz, thanks for catchin my fall.

~

was caught in the pouring rain. such a lovely moment.
but it was washed away the moment my foot step a plc call home sweet home.
till now, she have not stop a sec to catch her breathe.
leave me alone in my comfort zone before i go, is that really hard for u?
it kills u to see me in a bright mood huh?
are u happy to see me torn inside out?

no, i dont hate u.
i just want u to ...
its ok..

i still love u.
and i will always do.
=)

i dunneo

seriously. im soo drained out. i dunnoe wat to do or wat to think. and its killing me inside.

no, i can go thru this without any tearss..really i can.
just.. dont say anything. dont ask me anything.
really.


chiao