I'm Sorry

tell me what to do
tell me what to say

Oh Love

Sometimes when we wake up in the morning and you realize that cupid shoot you right on the spot, all you ever think of is that very person you want to spend your life with. You smiled thinking how blessed prata is when it is taste with curry. You close your eyes thinking of only that face you want to see when you open your eyes to the light of the sun.

You’re falling in love all over again.

I asked myself. How can I keep falling and falling with the same person for nearing a year now without feeling stupid? How can I have a straight smile when I heard the voice getting all so annoyed cos’ the sleep I disturbed? How can I just get reminded of that person in every minute ticking?

I was asked about the vagueness in the future. Will you still love me like now? Will there be insanity between us wanting to just make us go our separate ways? Will there be someone out there who you are better off with? Will you ever get tired of me? What if, you fall out of love?

I don’t know why I’m so in love. I don’t know what is in for my future. For our future. But I know questionlessly, that true love came once in your life. And mine has arrived at my doorstep nine months, nine days and a few hours ago. Still holding on to it. Just be assured, that I won’t let it go.

So Love,
I can’t promise her anything. Not a certain future. Not an assured dream. But if she ask me about it again, I will say whatever it is, I’m here to stay. Let that someone come our way. I’m going to love only her. I’m going to be true to the love of my life. Whatever it takes she is going to be the only one. Who got my heart. Who got me right.

Regards,
the One Loving Her


Sweet or what?

falling in love is like...

Do you know what is the easiest thing in life is?

Living life isn’t easy but to fall in love is. You don’t need to put in any effort. Not even to smile or move your ass. It’s the only effortless thing a human can ever do.

If only keeping it is as easy as it can be. If only letting it go is even easier.

The purest thing of all in this mean cold world; can there be a dirty mark on it? Can there be a line of hatred crossed it? Can there be a scar of blood in it?

What does it take to make someone cry all night? What does it take to break your heart to a million pieces?

A string of painful truth? A deflective feeling from the other part? Or both of it?

Sometimes I asked myself, when someone hurt you deep, when someone makes you bleed, is it worth a second chance? Or is it even worth to give it a try?

Why do we have to cling on something we know won’t go right? Why do we have to keep a smile when inside the real feelings we fight?

Maybe cos’ no one make you smile like how he did. Maybe you feel that you can secretly love him at the back of the classroom and no one will ever notice. Maybe you just can’t stop but to love him. More as each day pass. The more tears we cried, the deeper we fell. In love. With someone who don’t deserve an atom of this pureness from our heart.

I told you it’s just too easy to fall in love. Way to easy.

And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I’m in this condition
And I got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what
You’ll never see me cry

with regards,
chiao my ladies
pinkrocker signing out

Lilies of the Spiders

remember brokeback mountain?

do you know which is the most powerful scene of all?

well the scene in BBM where Jack and Ennis kiss on the stairs. in which i think is an incredibly powerful piece in that whole movie.

why?

not cos its sexy or anything. but if you're good at watchin "art" movies like BBM, you will know that THAT scene reveals the depth and power of desire that the two men feel for each other more than any other moment in the film.

and guess what?

Spider Lilies is here. with the misfortune of it being a r21 movie (fuck it) but get the chance to watch the trailer and the kissing scene at youtube thou. so just like BBM-kiss-on-the-stairs-scene, this two chicks kissing is full of emotion. hehehee...

A very special movie indeed.

Bear, how?

chiao =)

I thought you could use a friend but you don't seem to have the time

i don't know what to type actually.

work and life have not been playing a fair game with me.

who to talk to?

god knows who.

a painful ride

It was a painful ride. It was unbearable. But there was nothing that I could do. To stop my move. To stop the world swirling.

I had hard time breathing. I was choking. Brother was driving. I don’t know what he was thinking. Maybe he thinks that I’m selfish. Maybe he thinks I’m stupid. I don’t know. I care? No.

My phone rang. It was my sister. She asked why? What is so hard?

I said I called you back later. And I hang up.

I was raining.

But the sky is so bright.

I cried more when I was in the toilet.

While waiting for that piece of paper.

Happy One Month Anti-versary To Me & NCS

today is a complete month that i have been working in NCS pte ltd. To begin with i am not really into this job. but i have to say that i have quite a handful of stuff that i learn from k. siti, pauleen, patsie and even kelvin. i even got the chance to experience an event organised by Cath which i think is Fucking useful to me in the future (of course.)

and not only that, the ride to my work place was pretty enjoy-able. well besides the fact that i always thought that i was heading to SCHOOL (some emo stuff laa) but also there's three cute BOYS that keeps me goin. one is an army guy who totally stay near my place cos every day he's at MY bus-stop. and we took the same bus together too. and another one is this cool-est malay guy who is from ite. he wears a baseball cap like every single. and play hockey. how cool? he was at my bus-stop today. and we alight at the interchange everyday! haha.

oh ya and one more guy. he just totally reminds me of Mun. he look exactly like her. he have this boy-ish kinda face and all so pretty. i don't see much him much often. only twice actually.

let's give them each a name for easier remember-ing..
the army guy- sergeant
the ite guy who plays hockey - hooker
the Mun-lookalike - monkey

hahahahahaa...

~

oh ya, last sat, i went to have dinner with Bear. we get to experient our first melissa-ryan-ferris-wheel-ride which i was (just like ryan) scared of height. (ryan and melissa appear in the OC if you still don't know.) the best night i ever had so far. total amaze-ment.

(it was the day i got my pay too.)

but now, i'm left with not much.

~

june is coming. which means there will be alot of sales and for the first time, i'm ready for it. which also means there are ALOT of presents to get. BIRTHDAYS!!!

~

i checked and the last time i blogged was on the 8th May. it's been a week! arghh...


that's all foolks.

chiao

have you ever

Have you ever cried at night,
Thinking it was bad,
Have you ever lost a love,
The only thing you ever had,
Have you ever screamed out loud,
From pain that you have felt,
Have you ever stopped and looked,
At pain that you have dealt,
Have you ever questioned someone,
Of love and if its true,
Have you ever really wondered,
If they truly feel for you,
Have you ever felt abused,
Or worried while you wait,
Have you ever made a big huge deal,
Over someone being late,
Have you ever had them leave,
And watched them walk away,
Have you ever thought of leaving,
But could only sit and stay,
Have you ever hurt someone,
And looked at what you’ve done,
Have you ever been the one that’s hurt,
And thought that you were the only one,
Have you ever loved another,
And never told them so,
Have you ever tried to tell them,
But didn’t know how it would go,
Have you ever been alone,
Where no one else could see,
So you sat at home remaining unknown,
having nowhere else to be.
I’ve felt this way before,
I’ve felt and dealt it all,
I’ve even lied,
I’ve even cried,
I’ve even felt the fall.
But nothing makes it better,
The Guilt or the Pain I feel,
I wish it all would go away,
I wish it wasn’t real,
But that is not the case,
And it could never be,
It took me too long to open up,
And took me way too long to see, I must;
Own up to mistakes I’ve made,
Get past the pains I’ve felt,
Wipe away the tears that are in my eyes,
And reflect on the tears I’ve dealt,
And Tell someone when I love them,
Before they go away,
And maybe if I word it right,
They just might want to stay.

i feel fucked. but i know bear is with me.

chiao

i'm bored part 3

You Are 79% Creative

You are beyond creative. You are a true artist - even if it's not in the conventional sense of the word. You love creating for its own sake, and you find yourself quite inspired at times.

How Creative Are You?

hahahaa

i'm bored part 2

there is seriously nothing for me to do. there's only four of us in the office. lynn, ian, danny and myself. karen's still not back yet from lunch. she's goin to melbourne and sydney next week. but i alrdy prepare for her stuff. so yea..

totally i'm bored.
try to check oout my friendster page i don't even remember my passsword. at home, i saved my passsword so yea. screw me.

now i began to wonder from queen rizaniac to chicky queen,
weird me out man.

hahahah..

it's ok if you don't get what i'm tryin to say.
my player is playing smile like you mean it.

i really hope i can smile like i mean cos only when i'm with bear, I SMILE LIKE I MEAN IT.

=))

god, even on msn no one is talkin to me.

chiao-ing

i'm bored

in the office now.
with nothing much to do as i believe K. Siti won't be coming to the office today. hope she won't come tmr too either. hahaha.. not that i am being mean just the fact that i do not have much work to do. so yea.

i have to write my resign letter soon. but i don't know how. not that i don't know what to write but i just.. not sure what to write in the content.

and the sad thing is that there are no news bout my internship in the zoo. like wtf. i was hoping for it man.
i just got to email mdis again bout more internship. hope they give me a better one and (more hopefully) i get it this time around.

let's take it step by step.

bear's been busy this few days. with mid year exams coming up and all.
and school is starting this wed.

ok let's not go to there.

i just want to say that i miss school.
both bvss AND mdis.

life is tough aye?
oh well..



chiao

ps- my blog is collecting dust. damnit. i have to do something before it's officially a dead blog.

a funny song

Look mama
I love you
but you gotta let me live my life.

Don't wrap me up in cotton wool
you cannot treat me like a fool.
Anyway if I was
you gotta let me be the one.
O.k.
give me your advice

it's not my fault if I can't be wise

Show me a person who hasn't been done.
Look mama
I love you
but you gotta let me live my life. . . .

Don't try to stick your rules on me

I wasn't born as a carbon copy.
I came out of you
but don't think you own me.
I have my respect for you
I won't try to change
The things you do. Give me a break

Let me learn it my way. You think you know more
Than me
experience hasn't set you free.

I gotta make my own mistakes

why can't you treat me like a friend?

heroes and thieves

Well, disaster it strikes on a daily basis
I'm looking for wisdom in all the wrong places
I still wanna laugh with disappointed faces
And you can't help me
Blinded by these

Heroes and thieves at my door
I can't seem to tell them apart anymore

Just when i figure it out
Well darling it's you i'm without

Well i'm stubborn and wrong
But it gets unnoticed
I keep moving along
And hope i can get through this

Maybe this song is the best i can do this
I think surely, waiting on these

Heroes and thieves at my door
I can't seem to tell them apart anymore

Just when i figure it out
Well, darling it's you
Darling it's you
Well, darling it's you i'm without

And i'm burning
Gliding, gliding
In a low life
I'll miss and i see
I'll try hard to
Then i can't fly without you
Ah

Da da da

It seems like i'm getting closer to you
A flicker of peace that i’ve finally found
Thank you for believing in me now
Cause i could make it

And give me a year or two
And i’ll mend my ways
And see these mistakes
And when i'll be with you
Darling, trust me
When i can't see

I'll be coming back
I'll be coming back to you

These heroes and thieves at my door
I can't seem to tell them apart anymore
Just when i figure it out
Well darling it's you
Darling, it's you
Darling, it's you i'm without


chiao

remember

i remembered the days that i used to think i'm gonna make my dreams come true.

but sometimes..

things won't go as plan.

is it fate?

or is it a misfortune?


i don't know.


whatever it is, i still know it won't be fullfilled.

chiao

wrong me if my gaydar is not working

its been six days since i worked at ncs pte ltd. if you asked me whether i'm enjoying it or not? well.. sadly no. bear was right i should take internship. build up my resumes and stuff.

i got to talk to my parents bout it. but i dunnoe when.

dinner and dance this Friday and the dress code is retro. what the hell am i suppose to wear? a red polka dot dress? NO way. already now i have to wear tailored pants or skirts to work.. what only seh.. spoilt my rock chick image only..

anyway i'm interested to get to know more about sexylady.
seems to be a pretty interesting soul out there.
and i would like to apologise about the misunderstanding.

oh ya, i need to back to watching my L word. im missing alot of episodes. need to get back on track.

oh so a teenage couple yesterday on the bus. A(i presume her name starts from the letter A as she seems to be familiar.) anyways, they just remind me of me and bear.

(everybody go awwww...)
hahahahaa

and that is about it.

imissyoubigbrownbabybearbadz.

boom boom boom boom i wanna be your boom

oh i finally got a job.

cool or what? after the long search i got a bloody JOB.

yeay!

i'm hungry.

and i miss my bear who lost her atm card.
she's probably on her way to meet her cousin.

when are you gonna cook for me HUH?


chiao

Guess who is back?

I'm back. yes for real.

hahaha.

well mum is kind enough to give me back what belongs to meeeee.

i will update more. definitely. just got to wait. first.. i got to update alot of stuffs. one of which is of course my itunes.

chiao

and you began to wonder...

it's one of those days that even your favourite comedian was not making you laugh even when she was the funniest.

been a tiring day for me. i don't really know what's the cause of it but maybe it's the traveling. but it's not like i have not traveled from one corner of this puny island to another. you know what i mean?

ohwell.

the only thing that makes my spirit a lil higher was getting wet in the rain. it's been a while since i have touch the rain. the wonder rain can do. =)

and ya, i have been smiling to this cute lil friend of mine every time i look at it. cos it's the ONLY thing that was smiling at me.
amazing how my new best friend doesn't have any feelings but yet knows how i feel.

Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

my rock star

actually i was blogging about a lot of nonsensical stuff which i seriously thought it's not necessary to blog about. and I even asked bear to blog for me cos i was running out of ideas.

but then again, i just go for the easiest way to save all the fuss.

I'm gonna just post my most favoourritteeeee mtv from my one and only RATU ROCK - ELLA.
she's my idol since i was a kindergarden lamb.

and her new album's out. another collection to add. i just can't wait.
and with her new short haircut. which to my disappointment cos i just loooooveee her long black hair.

anyways, this is quite an old song. from her last year's album.
featuring my fav rock band from m'sia too, SPIDER.

muacks.

the Nightmare

so i woke up with the coldest sweat yest morn at five. the nightmare (which i totally can't remember what it was all about but knew it was the scariest of all scari-ness) made me ill. believe this, TILL NOW.

and i couldn't sleep back. not till five the next morn, which is today's morning. and when i slept at five just now, i was woken up with the sound of the door banging at nine. i have no idea who it was. like wtf. things just getting better aren't they?

and my lovely mum just don't quite understand what i'm going thru as she keep on making a big fuss about all the things i was doing.

oh well. nothing is to talk bout.





so chiao.