with just one star

its a quite night tonite......
online, i engage myself talkin to my angel only.
no one else.
only late nite then i talk to simin.

went i look out the window, at the sky,
i saw a star.
just one star.
twinkling.

it amaze me how we stand on our own feet but keep falling down.
it surprise me on how we misses tht someone but have no courage to tell them.
it scares me to be in this mess n cant get out of it.
it freaks me out to know tht another day have pass without talkin to you.
it makes me wonder if i can continue being like this.

ohwell, i cant crawl back to you can i?
cos ure happy now.
n i wont be able to destroy it.

~

last nite, i watch the tammy porn video.
i was grossed out.
anyway, its boring.

it didnt even turn me on.
unlike paris hilton video.
it turns everyone on!!!
hahahahaa...


both of them lack of experience i suppose (not tht i have any) but well, its just tht..u got to see it for urself. even simin say its boring.

well, judge it urself la k..


I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

chiao.

its a killer

wat am i suppose to blog todae?
about how depressing i feel?
just like wat ive been doin for one whole fucking month?
gawd, im sick of mournin over it.

but isnt tht wat make me weep every nite?
bein a fool in the broad day light?

i cant fool myself any further.
not anymore...

a few close frens of me too feelin some kind of down lately too.
are we suppose to form a club or wat?

the state tht we are livin now...
never in my entire life bein like this before.

who make me cranky?!

i wont wanna tell who make me cranky todae.
my old lady n my oh-so-beloved kuzin.
how they rawk my world todae.

todae woke up with the mood of doin NOTHING at all.
i mean N.O.T.H.I.N.G at all.
but i hv no choice but to do all stuff..
tht leads to insincerity.
tht hv lead to unhappiness.
leading to me bein cranky.

kuzin came.
the long waited advises came out of the mouth.
screwing up my mood.
diggin to my beloved msn.
im lovin it.
thanks.

sis came to the rescue.
went to play house of dead 4.
till chpt 5-reunion.
there goes my last twenty bucks.
but awesome game.

~

i hope all this can be seen in a different light.
in a different point of view.

everythin happens for a reason and because of a reason.

see wat love have done, shurts....

it cant be describe.
not at all..

=)
when is the last time i see the smile???


chiao

grad meetin with a twist

todae was my grad meetin.
met the hoogaz. miss them.
my cheesecake too. can't realli remember the last time i saw my dear cheesecake. monthssss....
was glad to see her. realli.

grad meetin was pretty short. nothin much.
n we get a week extension for our gp submission. a big yippe.

oh ya, crash to EMILY in skol.
tht babe...scream my name n make me jump.
newae, im glad to see my sec skol beeches. kiddin kidding..

talkin bout sec skol, me n lina were talkin on msn bout the memories livin as sec skol students at nine in the morn.
awesome shit.
keep me awake in the earl morn..

~

if only you know how much i miss you..


chiao

just any other day?

well, hv not been slpin well this few days..
nightmares haunting me.
no. actually no nightmares la
mayb i slack too much or been doin toooooo many housework and it make me a zombie.

todae starts off with ME goin to the WET market..
its not tht i dun like goin to market but when its wet market..

gawd, the smell of the rotten eggs, unbathed stinky humans, bloody raw meats, polluted pesticides veggies, freezing bloated fish and the wetness just turn me off.

ewww...
sick.

and then went to pick my lil evil up.
the weather is such a killer.
im definitely melting away.
just hope tht todae will b bless with a few drops of rain.
i wonder which moron who wont like the rain...
oh no.. i dun have to wonder..
i alrdy know..

~

how silly of me to just know two nites ago tht frans and joe get to singapore idol..
i am soooooo outdated.

and emily, welcome to mdis.

chiao

look whos uncovered..

it amaze me how we can strip for some gucci brand and get some good cash. just to go nakeed.
lucky some ppl are.

hacker

some one hacked my msn yest morn.
make a hell mess.
change my settings n stuff like tht.
n not only tht, change my password too.
if u think its some kind of a joke/prank, haha its very FUNNY.

it took me few hours to "crack" the password.


i realise tht i hve not much time for my grad proj.
i got about three weeks to complete it.
alot have to be done here man.
got to start it asap.
mayb todae?
if the surroundings is peaceful enough.
if my mind is not complicated as it is now.

been listening to the song far away by nickleback.
a song tht remind me of some stuff...
ohwell.

ps- to those "i" IM yest morn, it wasnt me. im sorry if "i" sound ..err.... weird.

chiao

At Times, Love Dont Have Its Logic.

I Wonder Why...

im pretty bored.
old lady not in the right mood todae.
menopause i guess..

was hoping tht i can go out for some fishing trip but no..


- fishing is a relaxing "sport" where u can ease ur mind with the taste of the sea and the smell of the sky.
pretty awesome.
especially when you are in some so called dilemma.

suddenly i remember the first time you sing. for me.


chiao.

leaving

sandy is leaving tmr to phuket.
ernie is leaving on sun to aust.
who else is leaving?
you.

they come back, but will u?

this is wat i want, n this is wat u give.
wat more can i ask?
do i have anythin to say?
not at all.

i arldy state, there is nothin i wanna say to u.
cos i just wanna sit n stare at u..

sometimes, at one point decision u got to make.
whether its a wrong one or not.

i am to blame myself.
since when i blame u?
wasnt me the selfish one?

i was only thinkin bout me...
yeah, me..

~

went to do da scanning..
it hurts like hell...
bad news or gd news, i dunnoe.
gotta wait

right now, i just got to bare with it.

physically.
mentally.
emotionally.
psychologically.

chiao

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you cant undo
If I had my way
I would never get over you

I dont wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I dont want to talk about it
And I dont want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I dont want to talk about it
Cuz Im in Love with you

the master of sabo was being sabo-ed last nite.
not once. but twice.
i have to bath eight times to get the eggs, flour and some kind of spice stuff out of my body n hair....
thanks to my queens, bel, naz, muh n my whole bunch of kuzins..
now my back is aching
but i know its worth it
just tht, i need someone to massage my back..
=(

next time anyone wanna sabo me..
PLS PLS PLS PLSSSSssssss.. tell me in advance..
n let it happen in my bathroom.

letting go is tough..
the toughest when tht person is someone we truly love.
but life have to move on
with or without tht person..

shurts, we all are here.
for u.

its..my 18th bdae

woke up to the sound of my tummy.
i need the toilet emergency-ly
the i got to wake my nephew's up to skol.
tht lil devil doesnt want to. wats new.

just got back form sending him to skol.
he teared.
i hate it when he teared...wanting me.
i feel like a errr...mother..
well, i have no choice but to leave him to the hand of his teacher.
will b picking him up later..

so here i am bloggin...in the earl morn of 1st feb.
my bdae.
my 18th bdae.
its amazing how time flies.

i can see my wrinkles already..
=(

ohwell, have a few calls n msgs last nite to wish me..
thanks deariesss...

n yeah, last nite shruts, bel n muh came to my plc to chill.
it was pure fun.
esp when we got to watch this *ehem porn movie in ... msn.
then muh came with the idea of recording it soo.......yup
fahm, tell me u enjoy watching it!
to be honest, i think its pretty gross.
seriously dude.
i hope i dun have to see tht again.

i hope...
i hope..
i hope i have a great day todae.
wont wanna ask for more.

=)

shruts, i dun wanna see u cry.
not in this life of mine..

chiao

still alife

it feels like i have not blog for years.
screw me.
ohwell, its a long weekend. for me.
with nothing to do, ive been keeping myself busy.
with wat?
i dunnoe.
didnt touch my lappie for three days.
didnt switch on my hp for three days.
i can amazed myself at times.
n u guys must b wonderin wat the hell i hv been doin?
don u wonder gals..

ohwell, got some of the presents alrdy.
not pretty excited bout it, but yes, definitely lovin all of it.
thanks for everything ya
u noe who u are.
=)


chiao.

*yawn*

Theres another world inside of me that you may never see,
Theres secrets in this life I cant hide.

another sleepless night.
wat can i do?
what make it worse is that im pretty sick.

my back is givin me signals tht it will attack me soon.
n my fever is in and out.
what the *toot* FUCK

so here i am blasting my stereo with three doors down songs.
- my old lady n dada went out just a few mins ago

So hold me when Im here,
Love me when Im wrong,
Hold me when Im scared,
And love me when Im gone.

lalalala~

if u think im high todae, u got it all wrong babe.
im all insane.

You wont always be there,
So love me when Im gone.

yest paper was er.... not realli tht ok.
i manage to complete the paper with one short and sweet paragraph for the last qns.
screw it all.

ohwell
its over.
the papers.

Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone

I need some times alone.
we need some times alone.



chiao

an evening with my angel

it has been a quite a ride for me since last nite. i dunnoe how to explain it. it simply just took the biggest part of me ever. you realli dun have any idea how the breakdown is all about, do you?
you and your own world..
ohwell.

and after last nite, thot when i get out of bed in the morn, i will realise tht it was just the worst nitemare ever. no, it was the reality afterall.

so, wasnt realli in my normal self. - ok, wats new??

but i was, when my angel drop by after skol. how sweet. she just went back home a few mins ago. n now, im alrdy missin her... come online, dear..
had some quality time together. we shld do it more often. with the whole queen.

u found my smile, shruts.
n now, its just to paste it back.
=)

chiao.

i'm just blind

a sleepness night
tears running dry
u break my heart
and you left it all shattered

but i dont blame you
no, i dont.
its mine.
my fault all this while..

i let it run wild
not knowing the consequences im facing.
how dumb can i get.. but dont you worry, i wont blame you.
i wont..

even when you did the most cruel thing ever.

and that is to do it on.. PURPOSE.

there is nothing i wanna tell you.
there is nothing i wanna hear from you.
it should just end here.

really.
cos' i cant take it anymore
and you wont understand anything at all.

to my squirrel - sandy, thanks for being there. you were just right there whenever i need someone.
to my angel - shurts, how can i ever thank you for everythin you had done for me. i thank gawd for giving me an angel like you.
i really wonder what my life is without the two of you. i really do.

to my sis, thanks for the gift.
a lovely watch it is.

exactly a week

todae journalism paper was.... fine. honestly, there is nothin for me to complain bout. especially for qns 7. wat are the ten qns u gonna ask mr bush when she he come to town n there is a news conference just before his flight back? even my five years old nephew can ask tht dude ten questions.

n if u guys still hv not know it yet, i have lost my handphone. yes my phone. yes, the same freakin phone my angel have. tht nokia phone.

ohwell, will be usin old lady's samsung phone. shes not even using it la. so she shld just donate it to me. yes me.

n n n n yes, i wanna wish my ernie happy bdae again- HAPPY BDAE BABE!! i hv alrdy wish her at the strike of midnite yest.err.. mayb a few mins late but i did Ok. n babe, u're old. i can see ur wrinkles.. beware.. hahahahaha..

oh, dun u tell me u still have no idea what is gonna happen in exactly a week countin down from todae? oh gawd, YOU are an ALIEN laa..
dun u noe that a queen will be reborn??
yes, a queen.
still hv no idea who is it??

hehehe..
u got it rite. its ME!


ps- u shld hv notice tht i have adopt a spidey pet a few days ago. her name is gothica. i love her as much as i love the color pink. yes i noe tht my spidey is not pink, cos was thinkin tht pink doesnt suit gothica. gothica is so red la. hehehe..
n she keep my blog fly-free. hehehee...
so lovin her..

chiao.

THE BEAUTY OF A SIN IS WHEN YOU ARE BEING PUNISHED FOR SOMEONE'S SIN

im not cranky

its a beautiful day todae. definitely it is. with the weather (before dusk), it remind me of the things tht i use to do. n ya i pretty much enjoy the things tht i do back then. so loving the weather.

n btw, i hv type this long entry before this but i dunnoe why i delete it n choose to type this instead n post it. mayb cos i dun wanna scare the hell out of me with unwanted tags. or watsoever tht is the similar to it. alrite, im blabbering.

actually todae is a smooth ride for me. not tht i was realli that cranky but its just tht somthin or shall i say someone did somethin. no no no. say something to me tht make me pissed. yeah. pissed. thts the word to describe my feelins. pissed.

ohwell, i wont wanna say much stuff bout it.

just tht, sometimes, somethings cant be understood by some ppl. its not tht they wont wanna understand it or wont wanna cares bout it, its just tht they dunnoe how it feels. they defintely dunnoe. cos if they know how it feels, they wont say those kind of things.
so my advise, stop givin "advises" tht in the first plc of all, u noe no shit bout it.

chiao.

green apple

had a short but sweet talk with my queen of beauty. only gawd knows how much i miss the queens. realli. four years of frenships (fahm is excluded- this alien came to my world since p.5.)have realli thot me wat frenship is all about. love u guys.

todae tvrp paper is er... i cant find any other word to find to replc "ok ok la" so yea. Ok ok la. the only disappoinment i hv is tht the qns tht i realli hope will come out didnt appear. =( ok actually there are two qns tht shld realli come out cos i memorise them. darn..
ohwell, i just hope tht i dun realli screwed up my paper tht bad.

n yeah, im so lovin' the weather when i was done with my paper.
~its raining, its pouring, the old man is snoring, blah blah...~

but now, i dun realli feel all tht gd. hais..
the cause of it is still da same.

PR is next on my exam list.
gotta crack my fragile brains again. arghhh...
looking forward to it? absolutely NO.

i need to watch desperate househusbands housewives...
cos im desperate too..
*snigger*

n i sudden like green apples.
werid?
i was born weird.


chiao

its the exam flu

been tryin to study but yes u got it, nothin goes in n stay in my brain cells. ok not nothin, just tht its not fully occupied by all the notes for my exams. sad isnt it? ohwell, wat to do.

actually there is nothin much to blog bout but im bloggin just to kill time while taking a "break" from the muggin. get it?

tmr is gonna be our tvrp paper. if u ask if im ready the answer will be NO.er... ok la. not realli ready. eventhou my notes are done like afew days back n i have enough of MCU, ENG,master control room, production process, producer, lighting, etc. i just cant get the rest of the info in. but i want my exams to end soon. how to end my exams if i dun want to sit for it. dumb me.

n yes, tmr im gonna get alot of hugs. something to look forward. im missing everyone. yes EVERYONE. n i know they miss me too. includin ppl whos havin their menses. they just cant resist me, can they?


n ya, can someone help me search for something?
im lookin for a smile.

im all out of love ~

chiao.

i've been burnt

alritey. first of all...
i wanna state here to all tht i hv burn my left thumb. it hurns like SHIT!
*sniff sniff..
ok ok ok.. its just a minor one. nothin serious but hey it still hurts u noe...
=(

well well, todae is the week where we got to chill at home n i take this advantage to go to da gym in the morn before studyin for three solid liquid hours. hehee..
and yes its still rain outside. damn... im so loving it esp listening to music tht... ohwell, then i got to help my old lady cook. if u guys still dunnoe, tmr is hari raya. hari raya korban. yeah yeah.. they got to slaughter YOU. hehe. i mean goats n cows.. for the poor.

n yes, two nights ago, if u guys are wondering about the next issue of GOSSIP, its out.
and the main story in it is - RIZ JOLIE have a new TATTOO!!!
actually, she was force to hv this tattoo on her left arm as she lost in a game of UNO. pretty sad but when we contact her she said tht, well, its all in the name of fun." we were just wondering if this is one of april aniston cruel game... hmm...













till then, our next issue of GOSSIP.
=)

chiao

the breakup and the abuse

after nine minutes this couple of the year were happy together, brad sandhya pitt and jennifer april aniston, the most romantic couple in history broke up. fans must be wondering why? what's the cause of it? is there a third party?

our team have "spied" on this couple and we have notice the cold shoulders they are giving to each other.

our resource wat told tht there is a third party tht is involve.
who can it be?
we tried to get sandhya pitt to comment but we could not get this rockstar. but, one of the rocker's best fren commented, "they are not happy together."
we tried to get the sensational princess who is famous for her chinese songs, april aniston. "we are not meant to be together. n no, we are not givin each others any kind of attitudes. we are just tryin to respect each others decision."

after we get this news bout the "couple's" break up. riz jolie was seen very depressed. and we were surprised to get this on our camera.

is she the third party that has successfully break the couple of the year relationship? when we approached the most gorgeous lady, she respond, "i hope she came back to her senses." who is the she, riz jolie referring to? april aniston? did april aniston the one who make this bruises on riz jolie's hand?

we update with the latest new on the next issue of GOSSIPS.
till then.

chiao.

late for skol

well...been slacking since the break of dawn
woke up at seven switch on my lappie n just tuning to the songs.
i shld b in skol alrdy.
but no, here i am blogging at my comfort territory - my room.

will b dressing up soon.

been caught up with all the songs tht i hv forgotten bout the time.

and yes, sis was right.
when u are angry, u say the most stupidest things ever.

its just another day tht u hope will b a better one.

fuck up the weather - shruthi
cheer up to all. n when i say all it includes me n you.
=)

chiao.

err....

to be honest i dunnoe how to start with my entry. err...
well mayb er... i talk bout yest.
went out for new year's shopping. with yani.
it was a pretty fun. yeah.

then at nite, while my bro n his boo went to hv their countdown at hard rock, i went down to the jetty. yea, u noe jetty where we go fishing. dun tell me u hv never went fishing before. oh gawd, are u an alien or something...?
anyway the fireworks was cool.
yea but i didnt get the chance to take pics of it...but ohwell.
n yea, i get the chance to watch saw 2 before 2006.
it was amazing. esp the last few scenes. it was all so unexpected man...
awesome gruesome movie.
n ya
i hv my movie of the for 2005.
lets start with the second runner up- to my disappointment (i realli want it to b the movie of the year, but it didnt make it ) HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE.

first runner up- to my amazement (i didnt realli expect the movie to b this great) KING KONG.

n the winner is- drum rolls..... never never NEVER guess tht it cld be the movie of the year for 2005 (im so lovin this movie, totally) THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA, THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE.

=)

some unforseen things happen todae tht hv make my plan to go bowling cancelled. damn...

n yea to tht four sundals out there- dunia akhirat, aku tak akan maafkan apa yang korang dah buat. aku akan tuntut korang dlm akhirat. tht will be my promise. n i will keep it with me.
gawd...i hv never hate anyone like this before.

well, i gtg

chiao.

2006

goodbye 2005. a year full of laughter, sadnest, joy and blah blah...

oh well, 2005 was a year full of adventure.
realli.
alot of things happen.
alot of things i learn.
hell lot.

this 2006, for sure thing i wont wanna see things in the same way. cos i realli REALLI wanna grow up.
er..ok mayb not.mayb, i just wanna be a'lil more mature. sound better???
cos as ALL OF YOU KNOW, in exactly one month from todae onwards, im gonna be the 18 years old rocking chick.
gawd, im gonna BE tht OLD. cant imagine myself with all the wrinkles..
damn it...

well well, talking bout 2006, i look back to 2005- a few hours ago it WAS 2005 mind u.
i realised i cant be any closer to some of the things tht make my brains think abt it before i reached the year 2006.
mayb u guys dun realli get wat i mean. its ok. =)

2005, a year tht i started to live my life without my last n only nanny tht im left with after my the rest of them rest in peace, peacefully. the only thing tht i regret not telling her is tht how much i love her. n ya, i realli do. n now, everytime i look at my pink walls, i get reminded of my late nanny. using the cash she gave me for the last time before she close her eyes, i paint my room using tht it.

2005, a year i started anew with the things i do. new skol, new frens, new subjects, new ....er ... .. etc etc..
it is definitely a year tht i wont forget as it is a year im taking my diplm in somethin tht i am realli passion about - mass comm.
n yea, my klassmates are a bunch of diff species of monkeys. tht is why we cant be u noe, like 3e2 or 4e2... one for all, all for one. ohwell, tht is oh-so-sec-skol la..

2005, is a year tht i met with new ppl. n how much i LOVE them. cross my hart. they are the one who teach me new things every single sec, every single min i spent with them. oh gawd, im so in love with u guys. n i love my queens too. i still cant believe how is life without ALL of u in my life.... thanks for tolerating me for a year. I LOVE YOU YOU GUYS...
muacks.
i will try to be under ur bed every nite. =)

2005. alrite, heres a confession.
i dunnoe why im doin this but hey, its the new year. i got to start it with a confession. so here is it.
i fell in love.
oh yea, u heard me.
i fell in love.
n i am still in love.
with who? gawd knows....
u dun expect me to tell u, rite???
n well, im not expecting anything.
cos..i dun wanna break anyones hart n mine too.
=)

ohwell, tht is for now.
kinda slpy..

will talk more laters

for now,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

chiao

only gawd knows how CRANKY i am..

MY LAPPIE IS SERIOUSLY MAKING ME ALL SO CRANKY. DAMN IT LA..
HONESTLY I FEEL LIKE THROWING MY LAPPIE DOWN FROM THE SECOND FLOOR OF A HDB FLAT. HEHEHEHE.....

OK. I KNOW. IT WONT HAPPEN IN this LIFETIME.

OHWELL.....I WAS SUPPOSE TO BLOG ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE BUT BECAUSE OF MY CRANKINESS, I GOT TO CHANGE MY MIND.
ITS NOT MY FAULT, ISNT IT?

ohwell, mayb next time.

ps- im trying my best not to lose it. but if u wanna see a volcano erupt tonite, try me.

chiao.

cranky i am

todae is the submission of our PR prjt. our grp was the first to hand in. was damn proud of it. no offence to anyone ya... our class was a chaotic with most of the grps not done with their stuff. ohwell, but it all went well after tht.

sadly....not for me. *sniff

suddenly i wish tht xmas is not ard the corner. (im serious bout it man!)
the thot of "the season of the year" is here make my brain stop functionin, my blood boiling, my blood pressure goes way up high and my hart beat SEVEN times faster. can u EVER imagine how i feel?

i cant descrbie how broke i am. realli. i think i shld skip skol and beg in the street tmr. (just for tmr la..)
worse still, after skol old lady asked me to go for .... GROCERY SHOPPING. not tht i dun like GROCERY shopping, but not at the time when im broke rite?! damn....

just like cupcake, i need suga-dadies (suga-mumies are welcome too). i seriously do.

cranky, cranky, cranky. im feelin damn cranky.

chiao.

i miss you

i dunnoe if i can put this in words but...i try

Sweeter than anyone I know,
Bursting with love; always willing to show,
Calm and easy going,
Your bright smile always showing without knowing

Never afraid to be the real you,
Realistic in everything you do,
Everyone can't but fall in love with you,
Now I hate the way I miss the old you

Missing how you used to sit there
Lightly "punch" my arm
I laugh and pretend I wanted you to stop
Yeah, I miss that.

Miss the way you laugh
Miss the way you go all wild,
I miss you everyday
That is what I can truly say

voice within

atleast you trust your voice within

peanut butter

somewhere i have never travelled

gladly beyond any experience
your eyes have their silence
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
touching skilfully, mysteriously her first rose

or if your wish be to close me
i and my life will shut very beautifully
but suddenly as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility
whose texture compels me with the colour of its countries
rendering death and forever with each breathing

i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens
only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses
nobody, not even the rain,
has such small hands

its a SINFUL FOOD

went to hit the town with sandy n lina. the actual plan was to go with badz n gang. ohwell we went up n down lookin at the stuff ard..n the things tht we like is abv our budget. arghhh....
then we decided to hit da basement n without noein, we did a sinfully sin thing. hahahahahaha...i dunnoe if now, im regrettin it...but yea..its delicious. definitely.

its a mars chocolate bar cut into cubes. then they deep fried it. to make it SINFUL is the addition of a scoop of ice cream. oh my gawwd, i can feel the FATS in me....

we then head to heeren. saw some stuff there but not as great as the stuff we saw at far east.

ps- theres this black museum in far east which everyone shld check it out. cos when mr. moon hit the town, it turn out to b a club!
yea..

if i can get the chance to love deeper and talk sweeter....

chiao

that someday...

been spendin my week in the hospital...n it seem tht i forgotten wat a proper meal looks like..hehehe...kidding, kidding.

ohwell, this few days hv taught me bout few stuffs tht i hv not expected it to be. yea i noe i said it thousands times tht i hv learn alot of sutff, but every new day, the stuff tht we learn is totally diff bout the stuff tht alrdy knew. isnt it?
ok shit wat the shit am i talkin here. ohwell...

christmas is comin tht is for sure. n everyone ard is kinda anxious bout it. ESP MY LOVERSICK CHEESECAKE. hahaha..n not to forget BITCHY CUPCAKE. n the rest of us, badz n stuff.. hahahahaha...

ps- hv u guys look at the sunset? oh gawwd, i realise how extra beautiful they are lately....i dunnoe why but is it a sign of something? hmm.....i wonder.....
n n n n........the prank-ing is back, QUEENS!!


the tears behind those smile....

chiao.

here by me

'I hope you're doing fine out there without me
Cause I'm not doing so good without you...'

this song had accompany me through out my day todae.
i dunnoe why but i was jus caught up with da lyrics i guess..

ohwell im force to say this but im more than willin to say it... HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAZ!
she had a great day todae.
unexpectedly, her klassmates bought her this lovely cake. i guess todae is a perfect day for our ex bukit view idol. hehee..
n bitch, hope u get the chance to go the next spore idol audition (next year).

~

i wld like to thank my angel - shruthi as she was there went time wasnt realli gd for me. cos of her words, i hv faith in all the things tht im doin. n she make me believe tht its OK to b wrong at times. not all the times but at times la. n she knows wat im goi through behind every smile....
thanks gal.

ps- met jega at lot 1 jus now. he still the hot guy i noe n also tht devil in him.

'And everything I have in this world
All that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me.....'

chiao

its my braders bdae .... tmr

its my bros bdae in another another hour.
hes gonna b 22.
bein 22 he had done it all. had a few gals, went clubbin, had his first puff, been to diff part of the world. he is someone who i say my kind of dream guy?

im not as close to my bro as how im close to my sis. n somehow i can never ever forget da reason why we are not close. it haunt me every time i think bout it.
but as we grow old, we share a few dark secrets together. n we even like the same things at times.
u stand by me wen volcanoes erupted.
u were there for me went earthquake disrupted.

n now it seems tht everyone point their fingers on u n im doin nothin bout it.
yes, indeed ur action is wrong. u shld have stop it all.
but as i learn the reason why u did it, i somehow feel kinda glad tht u did it.
its pretty amazin how u "help" ur close ones n sacrifice ur all.
but deep down inside u regret it.
u realli shld hv stop it bro. realli.

cos now, its all so mayhem here.
all the high pitched naggin n the desperate sobbing of old lady is uncontrollable.
after all, ur the man.

straighten up big bro. watever the chastisement is, face it with brave hart.

i pray u come back soon bro.
im missing u alrdy...

a psy-chick test

someone leave me with no choice but to blog bout it eventhough she deny takin me for granted. its ok i wont wanna bully lil kid as i KNOW HOW IT FEELS BEIN BULLIED. rite CUPCAKE?!

here it goes-


60% moody.

you are very emotional and cannot control yourself. especially when you are strike with something that is really sad, you are more sensitive than ever, and would response more than others. once you encounter hardship, you would think of yourself as a main character of a tragic story, and allow yourself to fall in the saddest mood. also when you are mad, you would also become very sad. even a small fight can make you cry non-stop. you make others impossible to predict what you think.


chiao.

its umbrella day not.

it shld be a sing in the rain day. realli.
the only thing i like bout rains is gettin wet.
yea u will get all the sneezin n stuff, but hey wen its freakin humid here in spore u complain n wen its rainin u complain too.
try appreciating the rain, u will definitely fall in love with it. =)

skol was...oh well its PR. wat do u expect?
n badz n cupcake didnt come to skol todae.
the only thing tht keep it all goin is CHEESECAKE.
well...shes lovesick. realli LOVESICK.
n on the way to nyp, ma n shangz had a grt laugh in da bus.
cant wait to meet her tmr..

met my bel hammy. n MOHD! ok ive seen his pic, ive heard ALOT bout him but this is the first time i SAW him. n yup, im a'lil taller than him. wahahahaha... sorry dude. jus cant help it.
n also i met with their hammies. its bel the hammy hammies. if u understand wat i mean. khekhekhe..
i met naz too. khekhekhe..

ohwell ive been playin in the rain this whole day.
somethin tht is oh so me la!
n sandhya, im keepin my promise, u shld too.

mere yaar ki shaadi hai is noe of my fav hindi movie. not cos of the actors or the actress(bipasha basu is excluded) but cos of the storyline.
newae mere yaar ki shaadi means my best frens weddin.

chiao.

smile even when u are sad

I watch her go through troubles
I watch her sorrow grow,
I watch her shadow weigh her down
I watch her walk alone.

She tries to hide her sadness
Behind a broken smile,
She tries to hide behind her pride
For being weak is not her style.

Something is always bothering her
But you'd never seem to know,
Hiding her pain's a simple task for her
Her realness rarely shows.

Beyond her widened smile
Beyond her sheepish laugh,
Her soul lies frail and broken
From walking a broken path.

I always want to reach out to her
Give her comfort, a brighter day,
But her eyes always seemed so lost and abroad
Her stare so far away.

She seemed so strong to others
It's funny how only few could see,
Even those closest to her heart
How naíve they all could be.

i'm back

its a day went u wish u cld sit down at ur garden. read a very nice book with a cup of hot chocolate to accompany it.




*zap*
back to reality..

be real, i dun even have a garden.
n its like decades ago tht i read a book n had a cup of hot chocolate.

alritey cut the crap.
im back. this few days i hv been pretty sick. No. I AM SICK. not mentally sick but u noe sick sick.
caught up with a sprained ankle. a high fever. throat infection. migrane n da most serious illness is my old lady naggin.alrite its not an illness. its a....mum thing, u noe. nagging. watever u wanna call it, its jus givin me a bloody hard time recoverin.

wasnt in my best mood this few days a definite thanks to my sickness. this hv cause me not in the pink of health to even watch harry potter. thts unbelieveable.
but i hv the chance to catch the movie - just like heaven. an amzing story. realli. n reese witherspoon is a grt actress. yea.. n not to forget the soundtrack.

talkin bout just like heaven somethin came up to my mind. its amzing how u can see beauty in someones eyes. but unfortunately to ur dissapointment, no one will notice ur true self. the fake smile. the genuine cranky. the unpretentious loneliness. the
sham happiness..n the list goes on n on...its jus impossible for u to tell ppl. mayb the ppl ard u are jus to blind to see or jus plain dumb.
if only eyes can hv their own mouth...
=)

n ya, fri is my bros bdae, hv any idea wat to get for him?

chiao.

different

yesterdae is a total diff day for me in skol.
i plaaned to come to skol late cos seriously, i hv no interest in PR.
so took the bus n i saw three hot guys. yes. no kidding.
one of them is a nyp student n also a wannabe sutperstar. but yea i got to admit tht hes one hot dude.
the other is a guy who wears this black baju kurong. gawwd hes cute. too bad hes one inch shorter than me. it will b an insult if he date me n i wear heels. hehehee...
the last one is a punjabi guy i suppose. hes bod is jus so oh-amzing. heseyes are mesmerising. no joke bout it. but *sniff *sniff hes an ape. hes toooooo hairy. its a turn off.
wat a pity

there was a funfair in skol. badz n stuff rent a stall for their henna bis. me n cupcake help out here n there. it was fun as there r alot of ppl who wanna try henna out. it was tiriing for sure.
the sad thing was tht it was clear tht ive been bullied not only by my cupcake but also by leena. they have vandalise my hand. cupcake decided to try HER heena skill on my hand n it turn out to worse than wat my nine yrs old kuzin had done on me....=(
but im glad i enjoy myself until........
cupcake once again decided to destroy my NAILS!
shes a real hardcore bitch. seriously.

i talk bout todae in the later day...
wahahahaha..
goin to backyard!!!
chiao.

bollywood, emily rose

was in the car with my sqiurrel. both us were enjoyin the hindi songs played in the radio. from classic to songs like soldier..hehehehe..
i was in to hindi songs tht in skol i force my badz to sing me one.
n at the end of it. she did. she whisper it in my ears...
love u badz..

here are some pics to accompany those idiots who still doesnt noe any bollywood actors or actresses. show u my few favs ones-












the exorcism of emily rose.
i think tht this movie which based on the truth story, rawks. mayb its not a hard core horror movie but i think, its a grt movie.
chiao.

its jus one of those days...

its jus one of those days that...
..a ten mins nap u took seems hours
..u look up the sky n its jus a jump away
..u wish the ride back home will never end
..life seems to appreciate gawds gift
..deep inside u noe u will take advantage of everything
..wont wanna miss the sunset at the beach
..the feelins inside of u wanna b expressed
..pink isnt the colour u wanna see
..writing a poem seems so tough
..no coffee or red bull can boost ur energy
..smile is ur weakness
..hugs u depriving
..moodless is ur middle name
..the truth doesnt wanna speak out itself
..u wannabe surrounded by everyone
..ur hart taste the rain

..im feeling lose loving you

chiao.

how do u feel...

ok dumb me, i didnt post this entry n happy went offline. Fuck Me.

how do u feel being bullied?
its like ur hart was digged out n hammered against the wall before the two toads cakes in ur life start throwin darts at it. *sniff *sniff
ouch...
wats worse, they proudly broadcast the news that im the one who bully them n they r jus merely self defensing themselves.
not only tht, i was bein called an irritant.
it literally shred my hart jus like an unwanted paper.
its so depressin it seems tht u are on the edge of a hot air balloon.
but i gotta thank gawd. cos my squirrel who i decided to call her sandy save me from da world of miserable toads alive. she cheer up my day by tellin me bout the close n the open of the infamous coconuts shops in yishun. she make me smile jus by standin for me wen the cakes merge.
sandy, i will like to thank you n to show my appreciation for bein my squirrel pet, i will Sponsor the bestest nuts for ur bdae.

~

met with nazi at nyp. n the bestest shit is tht she skip her klass at two! wahahahahahaha.. hilter rawks! we decided to chill ard. n huney mun, remember the belt we saw at far east, me n nazi saw it at junction 8 for only 22 bucks. it is cheaper or the same?
we both slack at coffee beans or is it starbuck? well, who cares, its the same. hahaha..had a superb grt double fun went both of us decided to write a poem.
here it goes

the horizon seems dark and grey
when a flutter of hope glimmered my way
i followed the glitter to the light it lead me to
n i realised it was you

we took 1/2 hr to complete this short poem cos we were crappin alot. n i mean ALOT.
hehehee..

n ya at nyp, i saw jackass. i thot he was kinda .....gd lookin before i realise he was *** hahahahaa.. dumb me

n to the toads cakes of my life, i have learn to forgive n forget bout wat happen todae.
let bygones be bygones.

n badz, i miss ur sexy smile. khekhekheheheheee...

chiao.

cinta mati

bagaimana caranya untuk

agar kau mengerti bahwa
aku rindu
bagaimana caranya untuk
agar kau mengerti bahwa
aku cinta

masihkah mungkin hatimu berkenan
menerima hatiku untukmu

cintaku sedalam samudera
setinggi langit di angkasa kepadamu
cintaku sebesar dunia
seluas jagad raya ini kepadamu

bagaimana caranya
agar kau mengerti
bahwa aku mencintaimu selamanya

bagaimana caranya
agar kau mengerti
bahwa aku merindukanmu selamanya

a lovely song i fall deeply for.

first day of skol

before i start bloggin bout my day todae, i will like to announce here that i have 115 unread emails in my inbox. wahahahahaa...i break my old record of 86 unread mails last yr. hehehe...

todae woke up at 730. hais....that earl u noe. than i get up n went out. my beloved kuzin drop me at orchard station jus before he went to work. thanks bro. met with ernie. we went high n low searching for a cap. hahahaha...i tried EVERY single cap i can get my head on but only went we went to mambo then i decide to bought one. hehehe... by then it was alrdy one. we were late for skol. n ya, lunch at cine was grt. cant remember the name of the cafe but the food was nice. yea.

skol
class was superb boring seriously. not the module i believe but the lecturer. yawn...
the worse part is that our air cond was not workin after our break time. it was switch off automatically. damn. klass was so damn stuffy.
i hope tmr is gonna b better. but one thing im not lookin forward is carryin TWO heavy public relation books to skol. but ohwell, anythin for my SWIT LOVING BITCHY CHEESECAKE. hehehe.....

chiao.

lafaz yg terakhir

oh my gawwd. hari raya. yes its here. once again. hmm...nothin much to talk bout this hari raya. its jus da typical way of goin to ppls house, welcomin the guest (wanted n unwanted) to our house. well i was more at goin to ppl house then welcomin them. mayb next week or so la.

btw last nite, i hv let my kiddy kuzin aged nine to vandalise my beautiful hand. hais...its a disaster. but i shld say shes bein creative n hv the talent la. hahaha... shld practice more rite sis? hehee..but dun use my hands anymore..

tmr skol start. i dun realli noe how to describe my feelins. i dunnnow whether i like it or the opposite. mayb i dun even wanna go. but i miss everyone. my cakes, my bud, squirrel, bads n stuff...yea..

was listen to a radio station n came this beautiful song.
gawwd..its so beautiful.
dun worry its not hari raya song but yea its a malay song.
n to my surprise, its a local singer.

Selamat Hari Raya

hari raya is here. once again.
family gathering. alot of foods. ya alot of them. traditional clothes. colours of them. i mean u will see a few rainbows here n there. one of the few things i like bout hari raya. the traditional clothes. this year my family decided to have light blue as our main colour. well i was hopin that we will wear white but ohwell mayb next year.

hari raya this year brings a different light in my life.
unlike the previous years, i dun feel the excitiement of it. i dun feel that i can celebrate it with all the happiness in this world. there are a few reason but the first in my list is the missin part of me.
its not even a year since my granny left us.
now both parents are orphan.
n im left with no grandparents.
how much i miss them.
as time fly.
the moment she took her last breath, i regret the one thing.
how i wish i cld tell her i love her. how i wish i can tell all my granparents how i much i love them.
n in this very special day, celebrating without her, regretting the things in the past, wont allow me to smile.
but life has to go on.
the only thing that i cld do now is to pray for her, n give my best to fulfill her last wish.

i love u granny. i love all my grandparents.

n to all my muslims frens, selamat hari raya.
forgive me from top to toe.
maaf zahir dan batin.

chiao.

happy deepavali

its been a while i have not update my blog. i didnt even come online.
well theres alot of stuff to say to talk bout but..well things are better left unsaid. feelins are better left unexpressed.

hari raya is comin in a few days time.
n look at me, look at the condition im in. a total wreck.
hais....

will update soon asap.
newae happy deepavali


missing u.
=)

chiao.

outin with muneera

skol with paramasivam(hes my lecturer for advertising) was boring as usual. haiss....
met with my queens at rp. have some contest or somethin. n dhana(is that how u spell his name?) sang w/o mun(she was late).
we didnt see our queen of damned till the very last min.

mun was suppose to send me the pics we took at rp but that idiot is not online. bitch.

then we(only me n mun cos the shruts n fahm still hv skol) headed down to far east.
mun promised that she will come back next week, as she will splurge her hari raya money on the stuffs she wanna buy. tops, belt, make ups, earrings, tops, tops, tops n more tops...hahahaha..n she ask me to STOP wearin t-shirts. wassup with that?!
we break fast there too. hehehehee...
(mun force me to try this mascara. it looks okay la but it didnt end there. she put this stupid liquid foundation on my face! freak u bitch. but i love my queen of beauty even when she so damn freakin thin now.)

went to little india. met priyanka (is that the rite spellin? sorry sexy if i spell ur name wrongly hehehe..) they wanna buy some henna at faus shop. n i bought ice creeaammmm! yummy. its been awhile i have not taste this sensational one. hehehee...

n i realli wonder wat is this world comin to.
love is so cruel probably one wrong word can make a frenship sinks.
love is malicious that u can break ones hart.
love is the little devil that makes u wanna do all the stuff for the one no matter wat it is.
love is a lil forlorn that u can only love the one in the dark.
but love is so beautiful cos love is love.

wat am i talkin?
ohwell.

chiao.

life is an awful song

i was not in the mood to get up n get ready for skol as usual.
skol was ok. same goes to da lecturer.
badz, was not ok.
she was bein a joker.
me n jolyn had a grt laugh at the end of the day. realli.

went to heeren to meet someone but end up me searching for my anime soundtrack alone.
spent two hours in hmv. found some pretty cool songs.
but not the anime soundtrack that im lookin for.
theres hellsing, monster to name a few but not the one that im searching for.

ohwell
came back home kinda earl.
n was welcomed by news that make me numb.
till now.

so much for my happy "day"

my day begins with me havin my pre dawn meal at bloody four am. yes four am. *yawn...
this have me so zombified in skol. but the news i got after skol murder the zombie in me. wahahaha....
bro in law picks me up from skol. the bike dat travels on an ave of 100km/h in the highway make me smile senilely. wahahaha..
the last time i rode a bike was last year. LAST YEAR.
i reach my sis office which in approximately like fifteen mins.
get the stuff n hop in to that black panther.
yippee...

oh yea. i have just watched siti nurhaliza concert in royal albert hall, LONDON.
this last malay woman standin on earth reallli make me glue to the tv screen for damn two hours long.
i was personified. honestly.
her strong vocal keeps everyone on the floor still.
i wonder how she can maintain everythin for dat long.
n the songs that realli make me salute her is "get here", "seindah biasa", "purnama rindu", "kau kekasih"
she is the first malaysian singer to ever had a concert in that hall of fame.
i wonder wen is singapore singer is gonna have their concert held there?
if it took siti ten years before she can even step there, how long will it take for singapore's singer to stand at that stage?
twenty? thirty? fifty?
letsjust wait n see.
mayb u dun even need that decade to have any singaporean standin there. cos mayb we only need jus a few years.
mayb april hoon boon teng's name will appear to b the first singapore singer to have a concert there. or shurthi kumar. or nazerethu begum. or who ever else la..

watever it is. as wat siti said. it all started with a dream.....

missing game

well ive not post any entry for a quite a while. hmm.. exams have ended last fri. n i juz got to realise dat hari raya is comin. in ten more days. oh my gawwd.
newae this year celebraation brings a diff meanin to me. n probably to my whole family. will talk bout it more wen hari raya is here. =)

there are four diff person im missin un my life rite now.
the first one is my my bro.
saw his pic wen he was i dunnoe, 9 10?
he was holdin his sis hand who looks like three or four years old. ok the sis is me.
me n my bro always play this silence game since we were young.
but last fri, he told somethin i least expected it.
soemthing that i thot will never came out form his mouth.
he talks to me out LOVE.
(he was cryin earlier on cos of some problems)
bro, i appreciate it.
thanks.

the second person who im missin is someone who i regret not bein able to say how much i love her. n now i get remind of her everytime i touch my newly painted wall. my granny. the last piece of dollar she gave to me, i decided to use it to paint my room. so i will be able to remember her 24/7.
how much i miss her.
love u granny.

the third person who i miss is someone who came to my dreams this few days. i shld thank gawf for bring u to my life but for fallin for u? i dunnoe.
wat i noe is that, wen u smile my whole life jus brightens up.
thats a magic that ur smile bring to my world.

last but not least i miss someone who i had never missed before in my entire life.
i saw her comin. then i saw the all so familiar eyes.
the i realise who dat person is.
the eyes that i have not seen for ages.
remind me that im lost in an unknown world.
gawwd. now i realise how much i miss MYSELF...

haze of love

Its four o clock in the morning

Or maybe its five

I think Im alive

And I think Ill survive

But I cant cut through this haze of life

this haze of mine

haze of love

singin in the rain

hahaha....ok i have a slight flu thanks to the rain..
hehehe...
drenched myself with the acid.
i was hopin that im one of the kid in ffvii when they can cure this sickness called geostigma by standin in the rain. while for my case its a feelin. i was hopin that my feelings can b washed away..

ohwell now here i am once again sittin infront of my lappie.
doin nothin.
hv no mood to mug for my last paper. tpsw.
damn.
im a real hardcore slacker.

chiao.

final fantasy

last nite. didnt come online. didnt update my blog. didnt even check my mails. i was layin on my bed ever since i reach home. then i decided to grab one of my anime dvd n play it. final fantasy VII advent children. one of my fav. so far la..haha. so i watch it. took me bout an hour before i decide to watch my all time fav- shaman king. from the first eps to fiftythree. can u believe it?! hahahaa..ok im goin all insane. i noe i noe..

ohwell after watchin all this anime craze heres somethin for myself. =)

wen u walk towards me
my hart beat faster
wen u smile at me
my hart went wild
wen u whisper my name
thats wen i noe

im in love with u
my samara..

hehehehehe..

its just another bad day

well i dun have to think that im gonna havea bad da ahead of me. i dun have to feel it. cos it will ultimately happen. my bad day. i think crankiness have gotten me. qdn of cost not only that exams too. haiss.....
still here sittin infront of my lappie cant concentrate once again. i cant use my time absorbing the notes i type. been spendin my time playin online games, bloggin(three entries in a day!), listenin to music, i do all this except to STUDY. damn.
wats happenin to me?
wheres that pinkrocker spirit i was before?
sadly i dunnoe...
jus losin it..
damn..
ohwell..

chiao for now

first hari raya song on air

alrite jus a couple of mins ago,i heard the first hari raya song on air.
u noe wat this mean, it means that hari raya is on the way!
dun realli welcome it. thats da sad thing. =(

n u noe i've been tryin to study since jus now, but yea. nothins in.
sick bitch i am.


chiao.

still stuck with tdmc

great, its alrdy 630 in the morn and im still up here with only four qns done for my tdmc. wat the hell is happening to me?! arghh...
reduction of my headache is something i thot will make me more focus on my studies but NO! arghh....this can be name nightmares before exams.

n by the way, newae heard the song suddenly i see from K T Tunstall?
hmm tell me bout it will ya.
this is for now.

chiao.

its a cold day

its been raining since morn. since i woke up for my sahur. some thing happened last nite that had made me had a sleepless nite n it cost me a headache in the afternoon. damn. and as usual i cld not concentrate on my TDMC in which the exam is this tues. been listenin to songs, sad songs to turn the table round- qouted from the song "bad day". well i AM in one way having a bad day. =( cos im still stuck with only three qns since jus now. hais.... two more to go.

n well i simply have nothin to update bout.


chiao.

not so fine but yea, its a fine day

alrite, i've been tryin to blog since eight but was caught up with some stuff. like EXAMS. TDMC to b exact. haiss..i guess its da most toughest one module im doin now. n i mean NOW. there is more to come. damn...

todae, the start of day is kinda shitty. thanks to my old lady. she gets on my nerves this few days. but things change of seein familiar faces like, joe, florrie, mark, buddy, cheesecake n cupcake. =)


i realised somethin.
theres no rule in love, sayin that u cant love someone who dun or cant love u back.

u will only feel the switness of love wen love has been cruel towards u.
n now i somehow realise that i feel guilty feelin guilty feelin "it"..

here i am once again

the thot of switchin my lappie after my breafast was not accomplished as i decided to lay down n listen to "berhenti berharap" on the radio. a song that had lighten up my spirit (i guess) in the morn as i was feelin a'lil cranky last nite..oh gawwd wats new?

last nite, had a couple of conversation bout The Stuff. n i realised something. i cant run away from the feelin. i cant deny its existence. and as cupcake said- its ok to b wrong.. n shruts words-its ur feelins..u cant stop it.
ya i cant stop it n yes sometimes its gd to b wrong.
mayb somehow i will let my feelins show but for now, no.
i wont tell or hint anythin to the soul.
i guess i shld jus keep playin this game n see how far this feelin last.

cos i cant afford to lose a frenship. its too precious for me to let it go..

muneera

met naz. of cost she was late. haisss..but anyway, thanks. thanks for not advising me bout that stuff. i realli appreciate it. =)
n make sure u wear that lense wen u meet me again. hehehee..


i saw my queen of beauty's blog todae n i realise how much i wanna hug her. honestly. she was there wen i need someone, jus like the rest. she noes how to cool me down wen my tempers flare. her beautiful smile always make my day brighter. n i jus miss her so much. jus like the others. i miss her. five years of knowin her is like i've known her since i was five.

muneera, all i want you to do is smile.
cos ur smile make this world a better plc to live in.
i wanna u to be happy gal.
jus like how u make me happy bein ur queen.

in the break of dawn two

hahaha..here i am, after having my breakfast at 430, blogging. gotta continue with my sbs. been slackin alot. gee..so hows my new skin? pretty rockish. i noe, im the pinkrocker remember. well too bad theres no hot pink in here.=(
but i still in love with it. its so...me i guess..heehe

alrite gtg. sbs is waitin for me.. eww... hahaha..



n ya.. remember.
in a corner of the world, there will be this one person who will be so happy to see you happy.
cos' you know why. that person is so in love with - you. =)

chiao.

a quiz

my cupcake hmm....want me to this quiz. cant disappoint my cupckae rite..so here it goes.... =)

ten years ago..
i was a pri one kid. was the klas chairman.. =)
i was the quietest, the tallest, the teachers pet. =)

five years ago..
had a crush with my klasmate..
had a gang fight jus outside my skol. then we end up bein frens. haha.. had my first hp. sony ericsson. it was a red flip phone. was showin it off to everyone. hehehe..
took my PSLE
as expected i didnt realli do pretty well.
n got my arse to bukit view sec.
bukit view ure so dear
we have learn to give our best~

one year ago..
my big O. a year i can never erase it in my hart. alot of things happen. frenship in thin line, the last bdaes sabo, the songs, the camera, the fights, the late calls, the bukit view idol, sarah n mel, ms zan, gan n rose, the nite walk, etc to many to mention n i dun wanna bring tears to my eyes..

yesterday..
had my hmc paper..

five snacks i enjoy..
chocolate is a snack rite..ice cream too rite. hehe..ok lets see. haagen daz ice cream, any kind of chocolate, chupa chup lollies- they are the best! chachos bbq flavour chips n chewin gum. hehe

five songs i know all the words..
bizarre love triangle, berhenti berharap, sebuah kisah klasik, follow me, thats why n the list goes on... =)

five things i do with a 100 million dollars..
shop, travel ard the world, buy an island, donate to charities, fan myself with the remainin money..

five places I would run away to..
my sis plc, any clean toilets, my room, switzerland, united kingdom

five things I would never wear..
ur socks, ur undies, ur bras esp my sis n my old ladys one, condoms, briefs

five favourite tv shows..
my own shows hahaha.., friends, the oc, i cant remember la.

five bad habits..
smoking, slping, scaring my angel, messin up my room n .....itsw a secret.

five biggest joys..
my queens, my cakes, my buddy n my squirrel, my nephew, my family.

five favourite toy...
my miniature skateboards- since pri 5. playstation, my nephews toys inclds my fav- walkie talkie, my lappie, dildo- sad thing i dun hv one.

five fictional characters I would date..
harry potter, malfroy, ron- all three from the harry potter series, err..i dunnoe who else

five people I tag to do this..
anyone who i will tag after this quiz.

seven things you plan to do before you die..
f*** my husband real hard, travel ard the world with my hot pink volkswagen, shop with my frens till dawn, hv a huneymoon for two months, b who i wanna b, hv childrens, hv a will.

seven things I can do..
irritate my frens, mess up my room, slp, eat, play music, talk on the phone till seven, paint my room

seven celebrity crushes...
ADAM BRODY, rupert grint, that guy from eiffel im in love, hans isacc, aston krutcher, takeshi n this guy i dunnoe his name in one of the chi movie. =)

Seven often repeated words..
F***, bitch, oh my gawwd, realli?, damn, huh?, wtf

seven physical traits I look for in the opposite..
a smile that melts my hart, cool hairstyle but simple will do, nice set of teeth, tall, lovely eyes, nice bod, hands that i will like to hold.

seven tags to go to..
huh?!

three names I go by..
rizz, mawar, bitch

three screen names you've had..
pinkrocker, no!war, miahrizah

three physical things you like about yourself..
i leave this one out. =)

three physical things you DONT like about yourself..
everythin that is not mention abv.

three parts of your heritage..
i dunnoe.

three things things that scare you...
samara gettin mad with me, midnitescary movie, lookin at myself in the mirror esp int he middle of the nite..wahahaha

three drinks..
ice peach tea, plain water i suppose, milky!

three of your everyday essentials
lappie, bra, black eyeliner.

three things you're wearing right now
tee, pink boxer hehehehee n my bra

three of my favourrite movies..
honey, a walk to remember, tentang dia

two truths and a lie..
u're sexy n hot. im not! hahahahahaaa..

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you..
lovely eyes, swit smile, nice banana..hahaha..kiddin kiddin. hmm..nice bod

three careers you're considering/have considered..
producer, songwriter, housewife

three ways that you're stereotypically a girl..
damn this is tough..hmm the love of HOTPINK, my *cough* sensitiveness n ... ..Im A GAL la..wat else to say?

three people I would like to see take this quiz right now...
you you you..wahahahahaha

atlast im done with this quiz. i have to re do this quiz cos i think i ass ssee deen tallly delete it.

in the break of dawn..

every time i think of you
i get a shock right through into a bolt of blue~

was listenin to my fav song. n decide to blog..
todae is our first paper - hmc..
hope everythin will be under control..
yea..
missing evryone badly so im quite excited..
n gonna meet up with florrie n gang at queenstown station. something to look forward..
its seem like i didnt meet them for ages. gawd damn i miss them real bad. =)

well i better go back n study before i start to nonsense stuff out.
hahaa..

every time i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
i'm waiting for that final moment
you'll say the words that i can't say~

oh my gawwd,i didnt fast todae

my head was spinnin but i gotta get out of my house to study with ernie. we were suppose to study together at the nat lib. damn so i break my fast during lunch time. n yea u guess it rite. we studied for like half an hour before we decided to full our empty tummy. =)
most of thetime we spent together are talkin. talk talk talk talk talk....
then we met ernies fren at raffles hos. shes a bully to ernie. hehehe..ernie, u deserve it..
then we decided to study again n ya we did. for like half an hour again. =)
well, atleast we study rite..
n ya i wanna thank her for ...well u noe wat i mean.
my big sis florrie too.

now, lets jus wait for time to tell...
=)

3rd day of fasting month

damn. todae feel so damn shitty. argghhh.. n i dun think its because im pmsin or its because of the fasting month. i guess its because..i dunnoe. too much things to think bout i guess. ohwell i need to set it all aside. my exams are here. its way much more impt. yea exams. but todae, i have not even touch my book yet n its like wat 2pm! argghhhhh.....i cant even use the f word.. arghhhhhhh..ohwell.. b back tonite. gtg. pray for me ya.

rohaizad

todae i had kebab for my break fast. its superb. yea. marvellous..

oh well...wen i was at jurong buyin stuff for break fast, something that is worse than any nightmares before christmas or hari raya strike me..its somethin i can Never thot will ever happen..
i shld have seen it comin..shld have.. the smile that makes my hart go wild few years back..n now im seein that smile again. it broke my hart literally. but at the same time, i was fallin for it AGAIN...

now, my phone rang n i dun even dare to pick up da phone. i dun want history to repeat itself. i dun wish to give it another chance. no i dun. i dun wanna make a fool out of myself n fall at the same spot because of u.

i dun wanna fall in love with u again rohaizad..not again..

cos of u, i detest da juniors.
we fought outside westmall.
n cos of u, i now realise how stupid i was to fall for u.

im not gonna make that same mistake again. eventhough ur smile jus keep meltin my hart.

2nd day of fasting month

last nite, i have revealed da darkest secret ever. khehehekhe...i was kinda scared at first tellin someone but i manage to spill it out. n well that person ask me to do somethin dat i never think i cld do. but well i did da impossible. da outcome was kinda negative but im glad i did it. ohwell i wont wanna reveal MY darkest secret here. oh well ok its not realli da darkest la but hahaha..ohwell.

i vacuum n mop todae. n i have da freakin back ache AGAIN. arghh..n i said da f word. god forgive me..pls..i didnt mean it. please forgive this soul..

i have a talk with my sis last nite. she told me to respect ramadhan n wear baju kurung to skol. i was like- sis u gotta b kiddin me...doesnt mean She wear baju kurung to work i need to wear them to go to skol rite..but to think bout it, i think i SHLD respect ramadhan but i need to think twice before wearin it..wahahahaa..

ohwell out i go..muacks to all

1st day of fastin month

well well... first day of fasting month. never realli welcome it ever since i noe some stuff gets on my nerves this whole fasting month. n ya no more of the f word make it even more worse. haiss..but i this fastin month is da only month im kinda patient.
ohwell slpt at twelve n had to wake up at 4.30 damnation. n i cant realli slp cos i was singin more than words like a zillion times.
i was only be able to slp after my morn pray. n woke up to my phone ringin at eleven. damn. i feel tired. n slpy. but i gotta do alot of stuff. vacuum da house which my nephew decided to bring it down. n my room too. finally its done.still in a mess but i dun realli mind dat little mess. i was like a zombie alrdy wen i went to fetch my nephew from skol. my head was kinda spinnin. ohwell i jus have to hold on for another tow hours beofre i can break my fast. lookin forward to it. n i keep on singin more than words..heheheee...so in love with dat song. realli. oh my gawwd..

n yea yest i watched corpse bride with ym darling cheesecake. gosh, cant remember da last time i watch a movie with her..hehehe..whether is it monster in law or mr n mrs smith.

n im so missin my cupcake. yea seriously missin her man...esp da hugs..khehekhehekhehekhe..my cupcake rule....i mean i rule nut she....ohwell ok she rule too..wahahaha..wat the f heaven am i talkin bout...i guess this is wat will happen to me ifi dun get hugs from her. hehehee

n ya. tmr my angel will b seventeen. my hammy too. mabel. happy birthday gals. muacks

study break now on...

todae was suppose to meet my gay partner to go for a cycle at ecp in da break of dawn but gotta change my plan. so headed to naz plc. slack there for a while before decided to get on her sis for a while. took a short ride before we end up in a playgrd wheres theres swing. yea...SWING...sat there for like one hr. talk...n talk...n we end up in a conclusion dat I need to go for some counsellin or some seminar. i think i shld. seriously. then we headed to westmall cos she gotta meet ayu. then theres this incident dat happen to us wen were waitin for ayu. wont wanna talk bout it but yea theres ambulance involve. hehehehe...

went to national lib. supposingly to study but nah...didnt. then lina, squirrel n meizhen came. we laugh like nonstop. then meizhen got a free hair cut at toni n guy for free. yea FREE hair cut...

then my gay partner came. at last. but i need to go home....as i forget to bring my med. so i need to go hoe n take my med. damn...da med make me drowsy...FUCK..

well....my squirrel cut her hair. she looks more femine. muacks babe!

im a sick biatch

damn..after spendin a nite at tan tock seng hos, i realise how much i miss their food. ok not exactly after havin da most disgusting porridge ever.

miss my lappie. seriously. bro had been using raping my lappie. damn. im gonna tell his gal bout it. n the police. hes goin to the jail. for fucking sure for raping my lappie. =(

of cost, i miss my buddies too. n to my gay partner. happy belated bdae. sorry i didnt make it for dat day dinner.

im a sick bitch.

one fine day

alrite we have our hmc mock exam todaee but i think more than hlaf of the class didnt turn up. wahahahhaa..i stuck my ass at my cupcake plc. watch the L word for da first time n i gotta say, SHANEs is a HOT CHICK. yea...


nothin realli happen todae in skol. this poem i wrote it wen i was on my way to skol in the bus listenin to my cakes snoring infront of me. its so....musical. wahahahahahahahahahahaa...

hold my hand
probably for the last time
we talk and coffee
about the memories we use to be


hug me tight
and we forget about the fight
wipe the tears
we wont feel the fear


smile like theres not tomorrow
cos if we dont there will be hollow
in the history of our classic
like a tone without music

sorry n thank

Today, my cheesecakes perfume is magnificently SWEEET. Jus like her. Yeah. Cupcake didnt come to skol todae. Caught up with tooth cancer. the dentist tell us its gum cancer. Well ok. its actually gum infection.


Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide
They’re swept away and nothing is what is seems
i sense the feeling of belonging to your dream


The time we argue and fight,
I know deep inside that it isn't right.
I feel bad and alot of pain.
It feels like I've fallen from the sky like the rain.
I need to say I'm sorry
And thank you too, somehow
For sticking at my side
And still being there now
I'm sorry that I've hurt you
Thank you for being there
I'm sorry for the pain I caused
Thank you for showing me you care

an announcement

ohwell one new announcement- i lost my fucking cash YET AGAIN. FUCK..!

this shld realli teach me a lesson to b MORE careful n yada yada yada..(the list goes on..)

~~

ok i wanna talk serious stuff here. n i mean. serious stuff. not that me losin cash is not serious enough but hey, its money. remember?

- this few weeks that i've gone through teach me alot of stuff. esp bout myself. yea. myself. n friendships.


cos once again, i take things for granted. i only realise how impt they are to me wen they are about to leave me in a blisterin cold. thank gawd, i realise it sooner. if not...i wont noe wat will happen to me. i now realise that i shld appreaciate every gawd's gift. eventhough i dun hv the stuff dat others hv, i shld then learn to accept the things dat i have. my buddies(or wat my cheesecake love to say "soulmates"). queens, cakes, gay partner, squirrel(sandy), naz, badz n stuff(oppsss..sorry) n the rest(u know who u are).


bout myself. i shld learn n will have to no matter for wat fuckin sake, to chge my sensitiveness to a moderate lvl. yea. cos i think its in the highest lvl. n its killin me. it makes me so not me. queens, i was never NEVER this sensitive before. now i am. yea. shruts, u noe wat i mean..so i think i seriously need some courses or talks bout sensitiveness management. hehehe..

smile*

well todae lina, mei zhen, sandy, me n supposingly my gay partner too. she told us that her jersey is still wet la. damnation. n well ya, the jersey is super hot la. i mean, its not dry-fit at all n its like the hot air trap inside the jersey la. haiya...

anyway went to town for like how many months not steppin there. went there with my cakes. hehehe...at last. AT LAST! yea..we went to far east to look for some vintage necklace for cheesecake. well the one that she bought is beautiful necklace la. its beautifool beauttiful babe. n my cupcake too bought for herself a necklace. guess wat? its mickey mouse wat else. wahahahahahaa.. but its so her la. well, i do like mickey myself. for gawd sake i still hv that mickey toy wen i was a cute toodler (now cuter la..hehehee). i jus cant bare to throw it or give it to someone else. wahahahhaha. there is still a kid in me ok. well ya, almost forgot. i lost my ten bucks AGAIN. like wat the *toot man. i seriously need to pack my room so i can find back my wallet n play safe. (wat is that suppose to mean?) ohwell april bought this jumper. its ..so her. wahahahahaha.. at first i dun realli find it nice la but then wen she put it on, its cool. cant wait to see her wear it to skol yippie.

n at skol todae we watch sepet. its a realli grt movie. no one shld miss it man. seriously. when my kuzin sis told me boutt dat movie, i was so not interested until i watch it myself la..n ya, it deserve to win that award.

life is back. to normal.
n im gonna smile myself to slp tonite.
=)

wat a day man

seriously have no freakin mood to go to skol todae. but yea, i went. the last day of hmc presentation, had some commotion goin on. hehehe...poor shasha. but hey b strong gal! anyway i wanna thank her for ..well its our lil secret. but i jus wanna thank her.

well ernie left. to perth. dude, wen are u comin back? hehehee..

ohwell, todae is like the first day that i came back home at twelve. no mood to hang out.sorry simin.

well, the funny part of todae is that i was almost hit by this black merc la. hahahahaa..dat seriously freak me out man. i was hummin "helena" by my chemical romance n then this damn car came. screeech followed by the honks. hahahaha... i was damn scared i think i can wee wee rite at that freakin spot. hahahahaa.. ok im not suppose to laugh at my fuckin self but i jus find it amuzin how dreamy i was. realli. i cant believe it la. cant imagine if the car didnt stop in time. damnation in hell man.

its rainin n i wonder ..... ... .. .

i hate you 2

i've jus deleted a whole crap of fucking shit. feel a lil regret but i dun wanna fucking waste my time typin it all over again. so yea, thats for todae.

i hate you

this is for YOU. yes YOU. im sick of all this shit. seriously sick. for one thing for sure, i dun think u even give a fucking damn shit about it.u dun fucking noe that im worrried sick bout it. well im not blamin u cos now to think bout it, i think its my fuckin fault. yea. its mine. its my fault to call u my frens. its my fucking fault to think that u ARE my frens. our fucking worlds dun meet for sure. but i thot we can work things out. but im fucking wrong. yea, my fault. shldnt b thinkin too much. rite now, i dun wish to talk to u. nor i wish to b with u. u shld b happy in ur own fuckin world. where u can talk n go wild talkin bout all kind of fucking shit that u can't wen u are with me. i dun wanna forsake my dignity n my pride to hv back our fucking frenship. u think i fucking need time n space? well guess wat. i dun need any fucking time. FUCKER. i dun need any space! my temper is flarin now i will soon blow them off. i hope u rot in hell. no fuck,i dun wanna sound bad cos im bad enough. n till now, u fucking shit still hv no fucking idea that im talkin bout u rite? haissss...dun worry. i wont say out ur fucking names here. im not somekind of fucking bitches who purposely put down names so that the whole fucking world noe who they referrin to. if u ask me if i wanna continue with the frenship that i hv with u? well the ans is a simple yes. im not a fucking shit like u who dump frenships in the drain. i believe that we are born with frenships.so yea, mayb the fucking time will heal my fucking wound. n stop that fucking crap of urs sayin that i'm the one of the few who make ur day. im fucking sick of ur fucking lies. seriously. ohwell watever it is, its my fucking fault rite? damn, i cant believe the shit i got myself into. fuck.

one fucking thing for sure, somethin happen for a fucking reason and because of a fucking reason.

a sick poem

A broken trust severed us
An ocean of secrets that i've left behind
Unlocked by false assumptions
I'm stupid and dumb in the brain
And I shouldn't have pushed you away

I wish I could turn back time
I'm biting my tongue with my foot in mouth
I'm kicking myself in the ass with my hand

at the very last!

i've painted my room. at last! and wats the colour? u guess- its hot pink. yup. hot pink. so u pretty much noe that im kinda tired with all the paintin n shiftin my whole room. nothin much to blog bout actually. just wanna tell the whole world im in a new world. but the strange thing is that, i'm not smilin. somethin must b wrong? well i think evrything is wrong. esp me. mayb its my pms. i cant find anythin else to blame except my pms. sigh. screw pms.


i've learn the hard way. i've learn the easy way. but one thing for sure, easy or hard theres something that evolves ard it. Love & Death. try conquerin both, n u can see the wonderful of all the things ard. for me, i've not conquer any of this two, that is why i dun see the wonder of the rest. how bout u?

today is a saturday

slpt at bout three last nite after watchin an hindi movie. i cant remember the last time i watch an hindi movie. well woke up at 11 and only had my bfast at 12.30.

didnt reali hv a conversation with my old lad. i tried but it end up in an argument. i hate that. well, i didnt paint my room as plan. i spent my day readin fatal seduction. then bro ask me to help me returned the vcd he rented. yes, my bro is back from taiwan. kinda glad that he's back. miss him. he was gettin ready to go for the chalet. wont b back till tmr morn, i bet.


i was not in the mood to toy ard bpp. str home. on the way home, i saw this grp of kids at the roof. i was not surprised but was worried bout how bold n darin the kids nowadays. i wonder wat happen to kids nowadays. then at the playgrd, toodlers(age 7-9) are more worryin. they are tryin to do breakdancin. oh my gawwd. when i was at their age, i dont even noe wat is breakdancin. i ignore them n continue with my 'lil adventure. waslk the same road jus like the day before. one thing that is diff. i dunnoe why, but the smell of the road is so diff. my smellin sense taste the lavender. i wonder.


reach home, it was empty. i like the feelin. only me n the house. no naggin, no shoutin, jus peace. im enjoyin myself. i hope i can smell the lavender once again in the house but its fill with the smell of tobacco.

chattin with my queen of maniac now. shes back from her holiday at thai. miss her.
this few days, i've been doin alot of thinkin..think abt alot of stuff. and i realised somethin.
i'm a selfish bitch.

a beautiful- not day..hahahaha

i woke up at 7.30am. one hour late. a beautiful start off for todae. went to da lrt station and i was breathless eventhough the station is less than 50 steps. thanks to my heels. the last time i had my heels on was Hari Raya. when i reached cck mrt station, i realised that i didnt hv my speech with me. a serious damnation. in the train, i had to balance myself without any support so i wont embarrased myself n fell cos of my heels. haiss...then when i finally reached the first person to see me in NITIN. oh my gawwd. he was pointin at me la. then i saw a familiar shadow. its badz. hehehehee..with the gang. n my sandy. hehehehee. and jus in the right of time, the shuttle bus came. yippie.


my presentation suck. but watever it is, i wanna thank my klassmates for bein suppotive twrds me. thanks gays! hehehehe..skol was a mix of ok n not ok. i dunnoe. some politics issue happenin that i think we shld b hvin esp when we are all matured n stuff. but i guess, im wrong. we hv not matured enough. to ernie, i want u to b strong.

after skol is like, a mini hiking for me n simin. hahaha.. we diamonds like shit in the hot sun walkin from one end to another. hahahahahaa..we met J&C. simin irritates me all way long abt on C. haisss.. i dun have a crush on him la..i jus find him cute. CUTE. thats all. n he say My dressing is hot. not ME. so, u n J shld stop plannin to give us some private time together ya?


simin went to have lunch. we talk bout quite a few stuff la. hmm, that makes me think bout it till i felt aslp at the sofa after fetchin my nephew from skol.

busy or lazy. bothered or dun give a damn. i still dun noe the reason why things happen ard. the reason for the gap, the reason im pms-ing oftenly n the reason for me to spend more time with gays, this few things..i cant find the ans. well but one thing for sure, i cant b selfish. i cant think abt myself. i just got to let it go. it will feel good. for me n you.

hope it end soon. (i'm talkin bout the klass politic.)
and yes, i wore a black skirt todae.

once upon a day

todae first day at skol at queenstown was dusty n noisy. but the classroom is hugee..well not realli huge la but one thing for sure its bigger than my room. wahahahaha... learn afew things bout some ppl. shurts remember the day u cough out the tiny winy fly..hahahahaha...just got reminded of it. n i met with nani (my late grandmum younger sis). its not that i dun like her or her family but i dun think i can EVER get along with them. worse of all, she want me to go her house after skol like as often as possible?! whats her freakin prob? haiss...i just managed to smiled to her.


my gay pArtner was kinda sick todae. oh man....now, im talkin to both my cakes n nic. hmm...goody


i change my blogskin cos i chat with shruts n she insist me on changin it. ok ok..now i've change u dun b sarcastic to me anymore k.

i think some ppl are itchin for a slap from me. to think about it.... hais...
wont wanna talk much todae. kinda tired.

oh man..

woke up with the sound of of my hp. "1 received message". it was from =) hehehehee..cheesecake. newae was suppose NOT to get out of the house but i did. need to get fresh air. then it rain. get caught la. haisss..my chest still hurts. damnation.


good news to the chickens out there, i thrown away one box of it. =) cant eat much la,cos i think it cause my sickness.


roger n out. wanna clean my palace.

how i wish i smile to u just now

i dunnoe why but it seems dat theres a communication breakdown btw me n cakes. esp cheesecake. haisss...wats up with the world? no. its me. theres something wrong with me. and i cant figure out why. i cant. n i dunnoe why. arghhh..its killing me. met mr. subair at bugis. i still remember da day he step into our klass. everyone think hes hot. n he gives out CHOCOLATE. =)


my chest hurt. like it hurt when ate two box of it in three days. haiss..im dying. n i think im enjoyin it. but wat make me think twice is how bt the ppl who care bout me? well if theres any la..argghhhh...i'm trying my best to stop this bad eating disorder.

a week of not bloggin

a week of me not bloggin. damn, alot of stuff have happened to me. and i mean alot. i wont wanna talk bout it much but watever it is, i wanna thank one beautiful lady in my life. my sis. thanks for bein my sis. (will talk more bout u.)


i've been freaking tired ever since i'm back from indo. didnt rest well n better still when cycling with my gay partner for TWO days. had a grt time but damn tired. n its a no joke about it, ya. im kinda relief todae cos one disaster is over. well im talkin bout my hmc project. but i still hv my presentation to go with n other projects. haisss..


i hv alot to blog seriously bout this the stuff that happen to me n my surroundin but i cant. cos i hv put my self in deep shit. n im tired. soon geeks!