the truth of the matter is, i still have feelings for you. and no matter how many times i tell myself that i'm better off without you, a part of me just won't let go

i hate the way i can never hate you

here is the list to prove that i'm a forgetful person.

i forgot most of your cousins' names.
i forgot your brother's name.
i forgot how many siblings your best friend have.
i forgot what is your favourite colour.
i forgot the clothes you wear.
i forgot what is that album title you like the most.
i forgot what is your favourite flower.
i forgot the songs you dedicated to me.
i forgot how jealous you can get.
i forgot that at times you feel insecure.

but i will never NEVER forgot how you kiss me..

i was just so happy. but you took it away.


"remember i said i'd go through anything for you, for us? those weren't just words."
"... but through all this, i realize how much i love you. more than i thought i have."

it was just words

Not the One You're Missing

i had a dream. and i swear i was smiling. but the moment my eyes were opened, the heart ache i felt... oh god...

then i remembered that one qns. i asked you. that two word question i asked you. i still can remember when you replied "YES."
was it a lie?

i read the last card you gave me on our 1 year anni. those words doesn't seem to make sense to me now. i thought it came from your heart. or was it a lie too?

and now i just remembered that one entry i dedicated to you. June 19, 2007. it wasn't a lie.

but now i doubt YOUR entry. that one entry you dedicated to me. August 24, 2007. oh but wait.. to that question you asked me... i will still say yes.

~

i should move on. cos you're not gonna fight. no matter how hard i want things to be right. you want it wrong.

nothing i do or say will ever make you change your mind.
you have always been that stubborn one.
=)

~

and Bro, Happy 24th Birthday.
can't believe you getting married even before you turn 25!!!!

i have never thought of Shane like this before but now when i think about it,
she did the most stupidest thing in her life.

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

"Macam mana sayang pun kau kat dia, dia takan balik dengan kau. lepaskan dia, riz kalau betul kau cintakan dia... itu je yang kau boleh buat sekarang"

serta merta airmata ku menitis
satu hakikat yang pedih ku harus telan.
aku tak boleh dan tak'an dapat membuat dia tersenyum,
apatah lagi bila aku telah menjadi sejarah dalam hidupnya







remember out there somewhere,
at the corner of the world,
there's a girl who love you...

you should have told me why

If Only...

Pertama jumpa kau tersenyum pada ku
di ikuti gementarnya dua hati
dibalik wajah mu ku lihat terang
dua insan telah jatuh cinta

kata hati kau ucapkan angin lalu
lembut sepoi datang menyentuh hatiku
angan angan belaian di raut khayal
dua insan sedang jatuh cinta

laut tenang segera berganding alun
kau putus kan tali jambatan hati mu
mahkota cinta kini tenggelam
masuk jauh ke dasar sejarah

ku bertanya pada diri ku sendiri
apakah gerangan ada salah beta
sebuah hati yang duka karena luka
ku cuba menutup dengan doa

~

jika hati ku boleh berbicara
akan ku bertanya pada dirimu
kenapa cinta putus di tengah jalan
kenapa diriku tak di beri peluang

is it all worth it?

too good to be true?

i laughed.

~

i've learned a lesson.
that sacrifice is the purest. not love.
i felt the good and the worst at the same time.
somehow i remembered that night..
"it's fate that brought us together"

too many lies were told, but you are always forgiven.

i've learned another lesson too.
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're gonna hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

it was one of the night that someone won't wanna go thru especially when she is going to have an impt test to take tmr.

~

in some point of your life, you will learn that people come to your life, leave a footprint and walk away. but some people come to your life, make an impact and stay. a few will go, yes, but mostly stay. cos the friendship or probably the relationship you have with them means something to you. the tears you cried, the blood you shed, the days you spend is worth something.

i was trying to move on from a heartbreak. i was trying to have my life back. i was trying to stop another titanic sink. but it was all wrong.

well if this is what friendship worth, then maybe it's not friendship after all.

~

that brings me back to my sec school days where i drift myself from the queens. after getting my o's i stop all communication with them. but they went the extra miles.
=)

~

my tears are dried.
i believe in a thing called fate.

was it my fault?
or was it just me?

i once said friends are those who will laugh at you when you fall but will be the only one who help you to get on your feet back
~

oh and i just realise something about me. the real reason why i'm scared of HEIGHTS. it is because i'm scared of falling and had myself broken into pieces.

oh shit. it's too late now.

~

"She lost the one person who though nothing was wrong with her"

It doesn't take a reason to love someone, but it does to like someone. You don't love someone because you want to, you love someone because you are destined to. It's because you fall in Love with them, that you then try to find a reason, but you always come up with the answer...

I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can’t change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right

i've been such a freak.
now it's time to reminisce and be an EMO freak.

the title is...
I Love Hoogaz.
By Amalina.
July 26, 2006

it was weird. to see you at my door. in your hand a bouquet of flowers.

~

not long ago, i had a dream. i was in the bus. gonna meet you. but somehow, the bus ride was forever. there seems to be alot of hindrance. alot of obstacles. just to meet you.

we didn't meet in the end. cos you took the same bus that i was in, home. we were in the same bus. but we didnt see each other.

what a dream.

~


well, they say true loves never die. they say you only have ONE true love.
they say...

i say that without sacrifice, there's no love. i say without you, there's no true love.
i say...

i thought i give my everything.
i thought i give my all.
i thought i give...

but it wasn't enough.



and then i know, i wasn't the one.
i wasn't the love of your life.
i wasn't your soulmate.
i wasn't the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with.

i wasn't.

H.A ppy

it was like i felt i was decorating the house with our pictures. things were going just fine. the pictures just make it perfect.

then you came back home.
tired.
pissed.

and you let out a sigh.
looking at the pictures. you don't like the idea of our pictures around the house.

i forgot.
you prefer flowers in those frames.

~

what started as friends, should ended as friends, right? no? yes?
well whatever it is, i'm trying to believe in that.
cos if i were to still hold on to the promises that were being made, i will never move on.

Love hurts. real bad.
but it also make you know how pure and a beauty it is.

Happy 1 year and 2 months anniversary
i'm moving on. but i'm missing you.

fran said...
"if passionate love is what one seek, it is harder to come by. But when it does it stays and you know you have all the faith in the world to know it is forever thou you never are certain bout tomorrow."

shruts asked me to move on. she said you need two hands to clap. she was right. but i just can't.

to see you just now, i wasn't prepared. cos suddenly it all came back. to know you have moved on so well without me...

i tried lying to myself. it works only for an hour.

the cut was deep. and i can't seem to be able to see it.
so i cut myself. to see how much it bleeds.

true enough, i was never the one who is gonna make you happy.

the past tense