only gawd knows how CRANKY i am..

MY LAPPIE IS SERIOUSLY MAKING ME ALL SO CRANKY. DAMN IT LA..
HONESTLY I FEEL LIKE THROWING MY LAPPIE DOWN FROM THE SECOND FLOOR OF A HDB FLAT. HEHEHEHE.....

OK. I KNOW. IT WONT HAPPEN IN this LIFETIME.

OHWELL.....I WAS SUPPOSE TO BLOG ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE BUT BECAUSE OF MY CRANKINESS, I GOT TO CHANGE MY MIND.
ITS NOT MY FAULT, ISNT IT?

ohwell, mayb next time.

ps- im trying my best not to lose it. but if u wanna see a volcano erupt tonite, try me.

chiao.

cranky i am

todae is the submission of our PR prjt. our grp was the first to hand in. was damn proud of it. no offence to anyone ya... our class was a chaotic with most of the grps not done with their stuff. ohwell, but it all went well after tht.

sadly....not for me. *sniff

suddenly i wish tht xmas is not ard the corner. (im serious bout it man!)
the thot of "the season of the year" is here make my brain stop functionin, my blood boiling, my blood pressure goes way up high and my hart beat SEVEN times faster. can u EVER imagine how i feel?

i cant descrbie how broke i am. realli. i think i shld skip skol and beg in the street tmr. (just for tmr la..)
worse still, after skol old lady asked me to go for .... GROCERY SHOPPING. not tht i dun like GROCERY shopping, but not at the time when im broke rite?! damn....

just like cupcake, i need suga-dadies (suga-mumies are welcome too). i seriously do.

cranky, cranky, cranky. im feelin damn cranky.

chiao.

i miss you

i dunnoe if i can put this in words but...i try

Sweeter than anyone I know,
Bursting with love; always willing to show,
Calm and easy going,
Your bright smile always showing without knowing

Never afraid to be the real you,
Realistic in everything you do,
Everyone can't but fall in love with you,
Now I hate the way I miss the old you

Missing how you used to sit there
Lightly "punch" my arm
I laugh and pretend I wanted you to stop
Yeah, I miss that.

Miss the way you laugh
Miss the way you go all wild,
I miss you everyday
That is what I can truly say

voice within

atleast you trust your voice within

peanut butter

somewhere i have never travelled

gladly beyond any experience
your eyes have their silence
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
touching skilfully, mysteriously her first rose

or if your wish be to close me
i and my life will shut very beautifully
but suddenly as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility
whose texture compels me with the colour of its countries
rendering death and forever with each breathing

i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens
only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses
nobody, not even the rain,
has such small hands

its a SINFUL FOOD

went to hit the town with sandy n lina. the actual plan was to go with badz n gang. ohwell we went up n down lookin at the stuff ard..n the things tht we like is abv our budget. arghhh....
then we decided to hit da basement n without noein, we did a sinfully sin thing. hahahahahaha...i dunnoe if now, im regrettin it...but yea..its delicious. definitely.

its a mars chocolate bar cut into cubes. then they deep fried it. to make it SINFUL is the addition of a scoop of ice cream. oh my gawwd, i can feel the FATS in me....

we then head to heeren. saw some stuff there but not as great as the stuff we saw at far east.

ps- theres this black museum in far east which everyone shld check it out. cos when mr. moon hit the town, it turn out to b a club!
yea..

if i can get the chance to love deeper and talk sweeter....

chiao

that someday...

been spendin my week in the hospital...n it seem tht i forgotten wat a proper meal looks like..hehehe...kidding, kidding.

ohwell, this few days hv taught me bout few stuffs tht i hv not expected it to be. yea i noe i said it thousands times tht i hv learn alot of sutff, but every new day, the stuff tht we learn is totally diff bout the stuff tht alrdy knew. isnt it?
ok shit wat the shit am i talkin here. ohwell...

christmas is comin tht is for sure. n everyone ard is kinda anxious bout it. ESP MY LOVERSICK CHEESECAKE. hahaha..n not to forget BITCHY CUPCAKE. n the rest of us, badz n stuff.. hahahahaha...

ps- hv u guys look at the sunset? oh gawwd, i realise how extra beautiful they are lately....i dunnoe why but is it a sign of something? hmm.....i wonder.....
n n n n........the prank-ing is back, QUEENS!!


the tears behind those smile....

chiao.

here by me

'I hope you're doing fine out there without me
Cause I'm not doing so good without you...'

this song had accompany me through out my day todae.
i dunnoe why but i was jus caught up with da lyrics i guess..

ohwell im force to say this but im more than willin to say it... HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAZ!
she had a great day todae.
unexpectedly, her klassmates bought her this lovely cake. i guess todae is a perfect day for our ex bukit view idol. hehee..
n bitch, hope u get the chance to go the next spore idol audition (next year).

~

i wld like to thank my angel - shruthi as she was there went time wasnt realli gd for me. cos of her words, i hv faith in all the things tht im doin. n she make me believe tht its OK to b wrong at times. not all the times but at times la. n she knows wat im goi through behind every smile....
thanks gal.

ps- met jega at lot 1 jus now. he still the hot guy i noe n also tht devil in him.

'And everything I have in this world
All that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me.....'

chiao

its my braders bdae .... tmr

its my bros bdae in another another hour.
hes gonna b 22.
bein 22 he had done it all. had a few gals, went clubbin, had his first puff, been to diff part of the world. he is someone who i say my kind of dream guy?

im not as close to my bro as how im close to my sis. n somehow i can never ever forget da reason why we are not close. it haunt me every time i think bout it.
but as we grow old, we share a few dark secrets together. n we even like the same things at times.
u stand by me wen volcanoes erupted.
u were there for me went earthquake disrupted.

n now it seems tht everyone point their fingers on u n im doin nothin bout it.
yes, indeed ur action is wrong. u shld have stop it all.
but as i learn the reason why u did it, i somehow feel kinda glad tht u did it.
its pretty amazin how u "help" ur close ones n sacrifice ur all.
but deep down inside u regret it.
u realli shld hv stop it bro. realli.

cos now, its all so mayhem here.
all the high pitched naggin n the desperate sobbing of old lady is uncontrollable.
after all, ur the man.

straighten up big bro. watever the chastisement is, face it with brave hart.

i pray u come back soon bro.
im missing u alrdy...

a psy-chick test

someone leave me with no choice but to blog bout it eventhough she deny takin me for granted. its ok i wont wanna bully lil kid as i KNOW HOW IT FEELS BEIN BULLIED. rite CUPCAKE?!

here it goes-


60% moody.

you are very emotional and cannot control yourself. especially when you are strike with something that is really sad, you are more sensitive than ever, and would response more than others. once you encounter hardship, you would think of yourself as a main character of a tragic story, and allow yourself to fall in the saddest mood. also when you are mad, you would also become very sad. even a small fight can make you cry non-stop. you make others impossible to predict what you think.


chiao.

its umbrella day not.

it shld be a sing in the rain day. realli.
the only thing i like bout rains is gettin wet.
yea u will get all the sneezin n stuff, but hey wen its freakin humid here in spore u complain n wen its rainin u complain too.
try appreciating the rain, u will definitely fall in love with it. =)

skol was...oh well its PR. wat do u expect?
n badz n cupcake didnt come to skol todae.
the only thing tht keep it all goin is CHEESECAKE.
well...shes lovesick. realli LOVESICK.
n on the way to nyp, ma n shangz had a grt laugh in da bus.
cant wait to meet her tmr..

met my bel hammy. n MOHD! ok ive seen his pic, ive heard ALOT bout him but this is the first time i SAW him. n yup, im a'lil taller than him. wahahahaha... sorry dude. jus cant help it.
n also i met with their hammies. its bel the hammy hammies. if u understand wat i mean. khekhekhe..
i met naz too. khekhekhe..

ohwell ive been playin in the rain this whole day.
somethin tht is oh so me la!
n sandhya, im keepin my promise, u shld too.

mere yaar ki shaadi hai is noe of my fav hindi movie. not cos of the actors or the actress(bipasha basu is excluded) but cos of the storyline.
newae mere yaar ki shaadi means my best frens weddin.

chiao.

smile even when u are sad

I watch her go through troubles
I watch her sorrow grow,
I watch her shadow weigh her down
I watch her walk alone.

She tries to hide her sadness
Behind a broken smile,
She tries to hide behind her pride
For being weak is not her style.

Something is always bothering her
But you'd never seem to know,
Hiding her pain's a simple task for her
Her realness rarely shows.

Beyond her widened smile
Beyond her sheepish laugh,
Her soul lies frail and broken
From walking a broken path.

I always want to reach out to her
Give her comfort, a brighter day,
But her eyes always seemed so lost and abroad
Her stare so far away.

She seemed so strong to others
It's funny how only few could see,
Even those closest to her heart
How naíve they all could be.

i'm back

its a day went u wish u cld sit down at ur garden. read a very nice book with a cup of hot chocolate to accompany it.




*zap*
back to reality..

be real, i dun even have a garden.
n its like decades ago tht i read a book n had a cup of hot chocolate.

alritey cut the crap.
im back. this few days i hv been pretty sick. No. I AM SICK. not mentally sick but u noe sick sick.
caught up with a sprained ankle. a high fever. throat infection. migrane n da most serious illness is my old lady naggin.alrite its not an illness. its a....mum thing, u noe. nagging. watever u wanna call it, its jus givin me a bloody hard time recoverin.

wasnt in my best mood this few days a definite thanks to my sickness. this hv cause me not in the pink of health to even watch harry potter. thts unbelieveable.
but i hv the chance to catch the movie - just like heaven. an amzing story. realli. n reese witherspoon is a grt actress. yea.. n not to forget the soundtrack.

talkin bout just like heaven somethin came up to my mind. its amzing how u can see beauty in someones eyes. but unfortunately to ur dissapointment, no one will notice ur true self. the fake smile. the genuine cranky. the unpretentious loneliness. the
sham happiness..n the list goes on n on...its jus impossible for u to tell ppl. mayb the ppl ard u are jus to blind to see or jus plain dumb.
if only eyes can hv their own mouth...
=)

n ya, fri is my bros bdae, hv any idea wat to get for him?

chiao.

different

yesterdae is a total diff day for me in skol.
i plaaned to come to skol late cos seriously, i hv no interest in PR.
so took the bus n i saw three hot guys. yes. no kidding.
one of them is a nyp student n also a wannabe sutperstar. but yea i got to admit tht hes one hot dude.
the other is a guy who wears this black baju kurong. gawwd hes cute. too bad hes one inch shorter than me. it will b an insult if he date me n i wear heels. hehehee...
the last one is a punjabi guy i suppose. hes bod is jus so oh-amzing. heseyes are mesmerising. no joke bout it. but *sniff *sniff hes an ape. hes toooooo hairy. its a turn off.
wat a pity

there was a funfair in skol. badz n stuff rent a stall for their henna bis. me n cupcake help out here n there. it was fun as there r alot of ppl who wanna try henna out. it was tiriing for sure.
the sad thing was tht it was clear tht ive been bullied not only by my cupcake but also by leena. they have vandalise my hand. cupcake decided to try HER heena skill on my hand n it turn out to worse than wat my nine yrs old kuzin had done on me....=(
but im glad i enjoy myself until........
cupcake once again decided to destroy my NAILS!
shes a real hardcore bitch. seriously.

i talk bout todae in the later day...
wahahahaha..
goin to backyard!!!
chiao.

bollywood, emily rose

was in the car with my sqiurrel. both us were enjoyin the hindi songs played in the radio. from classic to songs like soldier..hehehehe..
i was in to hindi songs tht in skol i force my badz to sing me one.
n at the end of it. she did. she whisper it in my ears...
love u badz..

here are some pics to accompany those idiots who still doesnt noe any bollywood actors or actresses. show u my few favs ones-












the exorcism of emily rose.
i think tht this movie which based on the truth story, rawks. mayb its not a hard core horror movie but i think, its a grt movie.
chiao.

its jus one of those days...

its jus one of those days that...
..a ten mins nap u took seems hours
..u look up the sky n its jus a jump away
..u wish the ride back home will never end
..life seems to appreciate gawds gift
..deep inside u noe u will take advantage of everything
..wont wanna miss the sunset at the beach
..the feelins inside of u wanna b expressed
..pink isnt the colour u wanna see
..writing a poem seems so tough
..no coffee or red bull can boost ur energy
..smile is ur weakness
..hugs u depriving
..moodless is ur middle name
..the truth doesnt wanna speak out itself
..u wannabe surrounded by everyone
..ur hart taste the rain

..im feeling lose loving you

chiao.

how do u feel...

ok dumb me, i didnt post this entry n happy went offline. Fuck Me.

how do u feel being bullied?
its like ur hart was digged out n hammered against the wall before the two toads cakes in ur life start throwin darts at it. *sniff *sniff
ouch...
wats worse, they proudly broadcast the news that im the one who bully them n they r jus merely self defensing themselves.
not only tht, i was bein called an irritant.
it literally shred my hart jus like an unwanted paper.
its so depressin it seems tht u are on the edge of a hot air balloon.
but i gotta thank gawd. cos my squirrel who i decided to call her sandy save me from da world of miserable toads alive. she cheer up my day by tellin me bout the close n the open of the infamous coconuts shops in yishun. she make me smile jus by standin for me wen the cakes merge.
sandy, i will like to thank you n to show my appreciation for bein my squirrel pet, i will Sponsor the bestest nuts for ur bdae.

~

met with nazi at nyp. n the bestest shit is tht she skip her klass at two! wahahahahahaha.. hilter rawks! we decided to chill ard. n huney mun, remember the belt we saw at far east, me n nazi saw it at junction 8 for only 22 bucks. it is cheaper or the same?
we both slack at coffee beans or is it starbuck? well, who cares, its the same. hahaha..had a superb grt double fun went both of us decided to write a poem.
here it goes

the horizon seems dark and grey
when a flutter of hope glimmered my way
i followed the glitter to the light it lead me to
n i realised it was you

we took 1/2 hr to complete this short poem cos we were crappin alot. n i mean ALOT.
hehehee..

n ya at nyp, i saw jackass. i thot he was kinda .....gd lookin before i realise he was *** hahahahaa.. dumb me

n to the toads cakes of my life, i have learn to forgive n forget bout wat happen todae.
let bygones be bygones.

n badz, i miss ur sexy smile. khekhekheheheheee...

chiao.

cinta mati

bagaimana caranya untuk

agar kau mengerti bahwa
aku rindu
bagaimana caranya untuk
agar kau mengerti bahwa
aku cinta

masihkah mungkin hatimu berkenan
menerima hatiku untukmu

cintaku sedalam samudera
setinggi langit di angkasa kepadamu
cintaku sebesar dunia
seluas jagad raya ini kepadamu

bagaimana caranya
agar kau mengerti
bahwa aku mencintaimu selamanya

bagaimana caranya
agar kau mengerti
bahwa aku merindukanmu selamanya

a lovely song i fall deeply for.

first day of skol

before i start bloggin bout my day todae, i will like to announce here that i have 115 unread emails in my inbox. wahahahahaa...i break my old record of 86 unread mails last yr. hehehe...

todae woke up at 730. hais....that earl u noe. than i get up n went out. my beloved kuzin drop me at orchard station jus before he went to work. thanks bro. met with ernie. we went high n low searching for a cap. hahahaha...i tried EVERY single cap i can get my head on but only went we went to mambo then i decide to bought one. hehehe... by then it was alrdy one. we were late for skol. n ya, lunch at cine was grt. cant remember the name of the cafe but the food was nice. yea.

skol
class was superb boring seriously. not the module i believe but the lecturer. yawn...
the worse part is that our air cond was not workin after our break time. it was switch off automatically. damn. klass was so damn stuffy.
i hope tmr is gonna b better. but one thing im not lookin forward is carryin TWO heavy public relation books to skol. but ohwell, anythin for my SWIT LOVING BITCHY CHEESECAKE. hehehe.....

chiao.

lafaz yg terakhir

oh my gawwd. hari raya. yes its here. once again. hmm...nothin much to talk bout this hari raya. its jus da typical way of goin to ppls house, welcomin the guest (wanted n unwanted) to our house. well i was more at goin to ppl house then welcomin them. mayb next week or so la.

btw last nite, i hv let my kiddy kuzin aged nine to vandalise my beautiful hand. hais...its a disaster. but i shld say shes bein creative n hv the talent la. hahaha... shld practice more rite sis? hehee..but dun use my hands anymore..

tmr skol start. i dun realli noe how to describe my feelins. i dunnnow whether i like it or the opposite. mayb i dun even wanna go. but i miss everyone. my cakes, my bud, squirrel, bads n stuff...yea..

was listen to a radio station n came this beautiful song.
gawwd..its so beautiful.
dun worry its not hari raya song but yea its a malay song.
n to my surprise, its a local singer.

Selamat Hari Raya

hari raya is here. once again.
family gathering. alot of foods. ya alot of them. traditional clothes. colours of them. i mean u will see a few rainbows here n there. one of the few things i like bout hari raya. the traditional clothes. this year my family decided to have light blue as our main colour. well i was hopin that we will wear white but ohwell mayb next year.

hari raya this year brings a different light in my life.
unlike the previous years, i dun feel the excitiement of it. i dun feel that i can celebrate it with all the happiness in this world. there are a few reason but the first in my list is the missin part of me.
its not even a year since my granny left us.
now both parents are orphan.
n im left with no grandparents.
how much i miss them.
as time fly.
the moment she took her last breath, i regret the one thing.
how i wish i cld tell her i love her. how i wish i can tell all my granparents how i much i love them.
n in this very special day, celebrating without her, regretting the things in the past, wont allow me to smile.
but life has to go on.
the only thing that i cld do now is to pray for her, n give my best to fulfill her last wish.

i love u granny. i love all my grandparents.

n to all my muslims frens, selamat hari raya.
forgive me from top to toe.
maaf zahir dan batin.

chiao.

happy deepavali

its been a while i have not update my blog. i didnt even come online.
well theres alot of stuff to say to talk bout but..well things are better left unsaid. feelins are better left unexpressed.

hari raya is comin in a few days time.
n look at me, look at the condition im in. a total wreck.
hais....

will update soon asap.
newae happy deepavali


missing u.
=)

chiao.

outin with muneera

skol with paramasivam(hes my lecturer for advertising) was boring as usual. haiss....
met with my queens at rp. have some contest or somethin. n dhana(is that how u spell his name?) sang w/o mun(she was late).
we didnt see our queen of damned till the very last min.

mun was suppose to send me the pics we took at rp but that idiot is not online. bitch.

then we(only me n mun cos the shruts n fahm still hv skol) headed down to far east.
mun promised that she will come back next week, as she will splurge her hari raya money on the stuffs she wanna buy. tops, belt, make ups, earrings, tops, tops, tops n more tops...hahahaha..n she ask me to STOP wearin t-shirts. wassup with that?!
we break fast there too. hehehehee...
(mun force me to try this mascara. it looks okay la but it didnt end there. she put this stupid liquid foundation on my face! freak u bitch. but i love my queen of beauty even when she so damn freakin thin now.)

went to little india. met priyanka (is that the rite spellin? sorry sexy if i spell ur name wrongly hehehe..) they wanna buy some henna at faus shop. n i bought ice creeaammmm! yummy. its been awhile i have not taste this sensational one. hehehee...

n i realli wonder wat is this world comin to.
love is so cruel probably one wrong word can make a frenship sinks.
love is malicious that u can break ones hart.
love is the little devil that makes u wanna do all the stuff for the one no matter wat it is.
love is a lil forlorn that u can only love the one in the dark.
but love is so beautiful cos love is love.

wat am i talkin?
ohwell.

chiao.

life is an awful song

i was not in the mood to get up n get ready for skol as usual.
skol was ok. same goes to da lecturer.
badz, was not ok.
she was bein a joker.
me n jolyn had a grt laugh at the end of the day. realli.

went to heeren to meet someone but end up me searching for my anime soundtrack alone.
spent two hours in hmv. found some pretty cool songs.
but not the anime soundtrack that im lookin for.
theres hellsing, monster to name a few but not the one that im searching for.

ohwell
came back home kinda earl.
n was welcomed by news that make me numb.
till now.

so much for my happy "day"

my day begins with me havin my pre dawn meal at bloody four am. yes four am. *yawn...
this have me so zombified in skol. but the news i got after skol murder the zombie in me. wahahaha....
bro in law picks me up from skol. the bike dat travels on an ave of 100km/h in the highway make me smile senilely. wahahaha..
the last time i rode a bike was last year. LAST YEAR.
i reach my sis office which in approximately like fifteen mins.
get the stuff n hop in to that black panther.
yippee...

oh yea. i have just watched siti nurhaliza concert in royal albert hall, LONDON.
this last malay woman standin on earth reallli make me glue to the tv screen for damn two hours long.
i was personified. honestly.
her strong vocal keeps everyone on the floor still.
i wonder how she can maintain everythin for dat long.
n the songs that realli make me salute her is "get here", "seindah biasa", "purnama rindu", "kau kekasih"
she is the first malaysian singer to ever had a concert in that hall of fame.
i wonder wen is singapore singer is gonna have their concert held there?
if it took siti ten years before she can even step there, how long will it take for singapore's singer to stand at that stage?
twenty? thirty? fifty?
letsjust wait n see.
mayb u dun even need that decade to have any singaporean standin there. cos mayb we only need jus a few years.
mayb april hoon boon teng's name will appear to b the first singapore singer to have a concert there. or shurthi kumar. or nazerethu begum. or who ever else la..

watever it is. as wat siti said. it all started with a dream.....

missing game

well ive not post any entry for a quite a while. hmm.. exams have ended last fri. n i juz got to realise dat hari raya is comin. in ten more days. oh my gawwd.
newae this year celebraation brings a diff meanin to me. n probably to my whole family. will talk bout it more wen hari raya is here. =)

there are four diff person im missin un my life rite now.
the first one is my my bro.
saw his pic wen he was i dunnoe, 9 10?
he was holdin his sis hand who looks like three or four years old. ok the sis is me.
me n my bro always play this silence game since we were young.
but last fri, he told somethin i least expected it.
soemthing that i thot will never came out form his mouth.
he talks to me out LOVE.
(he was cryin earlier on cos of some problems)
bro, i appreciate it.
thanks.

the second person who im missin is someone who i regret not bein able to say how much i love her. n now i get remind of her everytime i touch my newly painted wall. my granny. the last piece of dollar she gave to me, i decided to use it to paint my room. so i will be able to remember her 24/7.
how much i miss her.
love u granny.

the third person who i miss is someone who came to my dreams this few days. i shld thank gawf for bring u to my life but for fallin for u? i dunnoe.
wat i noe is that, wen u smile my whole life jus brightens up.
thats a magic that ur smile bring to my world.

last but not least i miss someone who i had never missed before in my entire life.
i saw her comin. then i saw the all so familiar eyes.
the i realise who dat person is.
the eyes that i have not seen for ages.
remind me that im lost in an unknown world.
gawwd. now i realise how much i miss MYSELF...

haze of love

Its four o clock in the morning

Or maybe its five

I think Im alive

And I think Ill survive

But I cant cut through this haze of life

this haze of mine

haze of love

singin in the rain

hahaha....ok i have a slight flu thanks to the rain..
hehehe...
drenched myself with the acid.
i was hopin that im one of the kid in ffvii when they can cure this sickness called geostigma by standin in the rain. while for my case its a feelin. i was hopin that my feelings can b washed away..

ohwell now here i am once again sittin infront of my lappie.
doin nothin.
hv no mood to mug for my last paper. tpsw.
damn.
im a real hardcore slacker.

chiao.

final fantasy

last nite. didnt come online. didnt update my blog. didnt even check my mails. i was layin on my bed ever since i reach home. then i decided to grab one of my anime dvd n play it. final fantasy VII advent children. one of my fav. so far la..haha. so i watch it. took me bout an hour before i decide to watch my all time fav- shaman king. from the first eps to fiftythree. can u believe it?! hahahaa..ok im goin all insane. i noe i noe..

ohwell after watchin all this anime craze heres somethin for myself. =)

wen u walk towards me
my hart beat faster
wen u smile at me
my hart went wild
wen u whisper my name
thats wen i noe

im in love with u
my samara..

hehehehehe..

its just another bad day

well i dun have to think that im gonna havea bad da ahead of me. i dun have to feel it. cos it will ultimately happen. my bad day. i think crankiness have gotten me. qdn of cost not only that exams too. haiss.....
still here sittin infront of my lappie cant concentrate once again. i cant use my time absorbing the notes i type. been spendin my time playin online games, bloggin(three entries in a day!), listenin to music, i do all this except to STUDY. damn.
wats happenin to me?
wheres that pinkrocker spirit i was before?
sadly i dunnoe...
jus losin it..
damn..
ohwell..

chiao for now

first hari raya song on air

alrite jus a couple of mins ago,i heard the first hari raya song on air.
u noe wat this mean, it means that hari raya is on the way!
dun realli welcome it. thats da sad thing. =(

n u noe i've been tryin to study since jus now, but yea. nothins in.
sick bitch i am.


chiao.

still stuck with tdmc

great, its alrdy 630 in the morn and im still up here with only four qns done for my tdmc. wat the hell is happening to me?! arghh...
reduction of my headache is something i thot will make me more focus on my studies but NO! arghh....this can be name nightmares before exams.

n by the way, newae heard the song suddenly i see from K T Tunstall?
hmm tell me bout it will ya.
this is for now.

chiao.

its a cold day

its been raining since morn. since i woke up for my sahur. some thing happened last nite that had made me had a sleepless nite n it cost me a headache in the afternoon. damn. and as usual i cld not concentrate on my TDMC in which the exam is this tues. been listenin to songs, sad songs to turn the table round- qouted from the song "bad day". well i AM in one way having a bad day. =( cos im still stuck with only three qns since jus now. hais.... two more to go.

n well i simply have nothin to update bout.


chiao.

not so fine but yea, its a fine day

alrite, i've been tryin to blog since eight but was caught up with some stuff. like EXAMS. TDMC to b exact. haiss..i guess its da most toughest one module im doin now. n i mean NOW. there is more to come. damn...

todae, the start of day is kinda shitty. thanks to my old lady. she gets on my nerves this few days. but things change of seein familiar faces like, joe, florrie, mark, buddy, cheesecake n cupcake. =)


i realised somethin.
theres no rule in love, sayin that u cant love someone who dun or cant love u back.

u will only feel the switness of love wen love has been cruel towards u.
n now i somehow realise that i feel guilty feelin guilty feelin "it"..

here i am once again

the thot of switchin my lappie after my breafast was not accomplished as i decided to lay down n listen to "berhenti berharap" on the radio. a song that had lighten up my spirit (i guess) in the morn as i was feelin a'lil cranky last nite..oh gawwd wats new?

last nite, had a couple of conversation bout The Stuff. n i realised something. i cant run away from the feelin. i cant deny its existence. and as cupcake said- its ok to b wrong.. n shruts words-its ur feelins..u cant stop it.
ya i cant stop it n yes sometimes its gd to b wrong.
mayb somehow i will let my feelins show but for now, no.
i wont tell or hint anythin to the soul.
i guess i shld jus keep playin this game n see how far this feelin last.

cos i cant afford to lose a frenship. its too precious for me to let it go..

muneera

met naz. of cost she was late. haisss..but anyway, thanks. thanks for not advising me bout that stuff. i realli appreciate it. =)
n make sure u wear that lense wen u meet me again. hehehee..


i saw my queen of beauty's blog todae n i realise how much i wanna hug her. honestly. she was there wen i need someone, jus like the rest. she noes how to cool me down wen my tempers flare. her beautiful smile always make my day brighter. n i jus miss her so much. jus like the others. i miss her. five years of knowin her is like i've known her since i was five.

muneera, all i want you to do is smile.
cos ur smile make this world a better plc to live in.
i wanna u to be happy gal.
jus like how u make me happy bein ur queen.

in the break of dawn two

hahaha..here i am, after having my breakfast at 430, blogging. gotta continue with my sbs. been slackin alot. gee..so hows my new skin? pretty rockish. i noe, im the pinkrocker remember. well too bad theres no hot pink in here.=(
but i still in love with it. its so...me i guess..heehe

alrite gtg. sbs is waitin for me.. eww... hahaha..



n ya.. remember.
in a corner of the world, there will be this one person who will be so happy to see you happy.
cos' you know why. that person is so in love with - you. =)

chiao.

a quiz

my cupcake hmm....want me to this quiz. cant disappoint my cupckae rite..so here it goes.... =)

ten years ago..
i was a pri one kid. was the klas chairman.. =)
i was the quietest, the tallest, the teachers pet. =)

five years ago..
had a crush with my klasmate..
had a gang fight jus outside my skol. then we end up bein frens. haha.. had my first hp. sony ericsson. it was a red flip phone. was showin it off to everyone. hehehe..
took my PSLE
as expected i didnt realli do pretty well.
n got my arse to bukit view sec.
bukit view ure so dear
we have learn to give our best~

one year ago..
my big O. a year i can never erase it in my hart. alot of things happen. frenship in thin line, the last bdaes sabo, the songs, the camera, the fights, the late calls, the bukit view idol, sarah n mel, ms zan, gan n rose, the nite walk, etc to many to mention n i dun wanna bring tears to my eyes..

yesterday..
had my hmc paper..

five snacks i enjoy..
chocolate is a snack rite..ice cream too rite. hehe..ok lets see. haagen daz ice cream, any kind of chocolate, chupa chup lollies- they are the best! chachos bbq flavour chips n chewin gum. hehe

five songs i know all the words..
bizarre love triangle, berhenti berharap, sebuah kisah klasik, follow me, thats why n the list goes on... =)

five things i do with a 100 million dollars..
shop, travel ard the world, buy an island, donate to charities, fan myself with the remainin money..

five places I would run away to..
my sis plc, any clean toilets, my room, switzerland, united kingdom

five things I would never wear..
ur socks, ur undies, ur bras esp my sis n my old ladys one, condoms, briefs

five favourite tv shows..
my own shows hahaha.., friends, the oc, i cant remember la.

five bad habits..
smoking, slping, scaring my angel, messin up my room n .....itsw a secret.

five biggest joys..
my queens, my cakes, my buddy n my squirrel, my nephew, my family.

five favourite toy...
my miniature skateboards- since pri 5. playstation, my nephews toys inclds my fav- walkie talkie, my lappie, dildo- sad thing i dun hv one.

five fictional characters I would date..
harry potter, malfroy, ron- all three from the harry potter series, err..i dunnoe who else

five people I tag to do this..
anyone who i will tag after this quiz.

seven things you plan to do before you die..
f*** my husband real hard, travel ard the world with my hot pink volkswagen, shop with my frens till dawn, hv a huneymoon for two months, b who i wanna b, hv childrens, hv a will.

seven things I can do..
irritate my frens, mess up my room, slp, eat, play music, talk on the phone till seven, paint my room

seven celebrity crushes...
ADAM BRODY, rupert grint, that guy from eiffel im in love, hans isacc, aston krutcher, takeshi n this guy i dunnoe his name in one of the chi movie. =)

Seven often repeated words..
F***, bitch, oh my gawwd, realli?, damn, huh?, wtf

seven physical traits I look for in the opposite..
a smile that melts my hart, cool hairstyle but simple will do, nice set of teeth, tall, lovely eyes, nice bod, hands that i will like to hold.

seven tags to go to..
huh?!

three names I go by..
rizz, mawar, bitch

three screen names you've had..
pinkrocker, no!war, miahrizah

three physical things you like about yourself..
i leave this one out. =)

three physical things you DONT like about yourself..
everythin that is not mention abv.

three parts of your heritage..
i dunnoe.

three things things that scare you...
samara gettin mad with me, midnitescary movie, lookin at myself in the mirror esp int he middle of the nite..wahahaha

three drinks..
ice peach tea, plain water i suppose, milky!

three of your everyday essentials
lappie, bra, black eyeliner.

three things you're wearing right now
tee, pink boxer hehehehee n my bra

three of my favourrite movies..
honey, a walk to remember, tentang dia

two truths and a lie..
u're sexy n hot. im not! hahahahahaaa..

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you..
lovely eyes, swit smile, nice banana..hahaha..kiddin kiddin. hmm..nice bod

three careers you're considering/have considered..
producer, songwriter, housewife

three ways that you're stereotypically a girl..
damn this is tough..hmm the love of HOTPINK, my *cough* sensitiveness n ... ..Im A GAL la..wat else to say?

three people I would like to see take this quiz right now...
you you you..wahahahahaha

atlast im done with this quiz. i have to re do this quiz cos i think i ass ssee deen tallly delete it.

in the break of dawn..

every time i think of you
i get a shock right through into a bolt of blue~

was listenin to my fav song. n decide to blog..
todae is our first paper - hmc..
hope everythin will be under control..
yea..
missing evryone badly so im quite excited..
n gonna meet up with florrie n gang at queenstown station. something to look forward..
its seem like i didnt meet them for ages. gawd damn i miss them real bad. =)

well i better go back n study before i start to nonsense stuff out.
hahaa..

every time i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
i'm waiting for that final moment
you'll say the words that i can't say~

oh my gawwd,i didnt fast todae

my head was spinnin but i gotta get out of my house to study with ernie. we were suppose to study together at the nat lib. damn so i break my fast during lunch time. n yea u guess it rite. we studied for like half an hour before we decided to full our empty tummy. =)
most of thetime we spent together are talkin. talk talk talk talk talk....
then we met ernies fren at raffles hos. shes a bully to ernie. hehehe..ernie, u deserve it..
then we decided to study again n ya we did. for like half an hour again. =)
well, atleast we study rite..
n ya i wanna thank her for ...well u noe wat i mean.
my big sis florrie too.

now, lets jus wait for time to tell...
=)

3rd day of fasting month

damn. todae feel so damn shitty. argghhh.. n i dun think its because im pmsin or its because of the fasting month. i guess its because..i dunnoe. too much things to think bout i guess. ohwell i need to set it all aside. my exams are here. its way much more impt. yea exams. but todae, i have not even touch my book yet n its like wat 2pm! argghhhhh.....i cant even use the f word.. arghhhhhhh..ohwell.. b back tonite. gtg. pray for me ya.

rohaizad

todae i had kebab for my break fast. its superb. yea. marvellous..

oh well...wen i was at jurong buyin stuff for break fast, something that is worse than any nightmares before christmas or hari raya strike me..its somethin i can Never thot will ever happen..
i shld have seen it comin..shld have.. the smile that makes my hart go wild few years back..n now im seein that smile again. it broke my hart literally. but at the same time, i was fallin for it AGAIN...

now, my phone rang n i dun even dare to pick up da phone. i dun want history to repeat itself. i dun wish to give it another chance. no i dun. i dun wanna make a fool out of myself n fall at the same spot because of u.

i dun wanna fall in love with u again rohaizad..not again..

cos of u, i detest da juniors.
we fought outside westmall.
n cos of u, i now realise how stupid i was to fall for u.

im not gonna make that same mistake again. eventhough ur smile jus keep meltin my hart.

2nd day of fasting month

last nite, i have revealed da darkest secret ever. khehehekhe...i was kinda scared at first tellin someone but i manage to spill it out. n well that person ask me to do somethin dat i never think i cld do. but well i did da impossible. da outcome was kinda negative but im glad i did it. ohwell i wont wanna reveal MY darkest secret here. oh well ok its not realli da darkest la but hahaha..ohwell.

i vacuum n mop todae. n i have da freakin back ache AGAIN. arghh..n i said da f word. god forgive me..pls..i didnt mean it. please forgive this soul..

i have a talk with my sis last nite. she told me to respect ramadhan n wear baju kurung to skol. i was like- sis u gotta b kiddin me...doesnt mean She wear baju kurung to work i need to wear them to go to skol rite..but to think bout it, i think i SHLD respect ramadhan but i need to think twice before wearin it..wahahahaa..

ohwell out i go..muacks to all

1st day of fastin month

well well... first day of fasting month. never realli welcome it ever since i noe some stuff gets on my nerves this whole fasting month. n ya no more of the f word make it even more worse. haiss..but i this fastin month is da only month im kinda patient.
ohwell slpt at twelve n had to wake up at 4.30 damnation. n i cant realli slp cos i was singin more than words like a zillion times.
i was only be able to slp after my morn pray. n woke up to my phone ringin at eleven. damn. i feel tired. n slpy. but i gotta do alot of stuff. vacuum da house which my nephew decided to bring it down. n my room too. finally its done.still in a mess but i dun realli mind dat little mess. i was like a zombie alrdy wen i went to fetch my nephew from skol. my head was kinda spinnin. ohwell i jus have to hold on for another tow hours beofre i can break my fast. lookin forward to it. n i keep on singin more than words..heheheee...so in love with dat song. realli. oh my gawwd..

n yea yest i watched corpse bride with ym darling cheesecake. gosh, cant remember da last time i watch a movie with her..hehehe..whether is it monster in law or mr n mrs smith.

n im so missin my cupcake. yea seriously missin her man...esp da hugs..khehekhehekhehekhe..my cupcake rule....i mean i rule nut she....ohwell ok she rule too..wahahaha..wat the f heaven am i talkin bout...i guess this is wat will happen to me ifi dun get hugs from her. hehehee

n ya. tmr my angel will b seventeen. my hammy too. mabel. happy birthday gals. muacks

study break now on...

todae was suppose to meet my gay partner to go for a cycle at ecp in da break of dawn but gotta change my plan. so headed to naz plc. slack there for a while before decided to get on her sis for a while. took a short ride before we end up in a playgrd wheres theres swing. yea...SWING...sat there for like one hr. talk...n talk...n we end up in a conclusion dat I need to go for some counsellin or some seminar. i think i shld. seriously. then we headed to westmall cos she gotta meet ayu. then theres this incident dat happen to us wen were waitin for ayu. wont wanna talk bout it but yea theres ambulance involve. hehehehe...

went to national lib. supposingly to study but nah...didnt. then lina, squirrel n meizhen came. we laugh like nonstop. then meizhen got a free hair cut at toni n guy for free. yea FREE hair cut...

then my gay partner came. at last. but i need to go home....as i forget to bring my med. so i need to go hoe n take my med. damn...da med make me drowsy...FUCK..

well....my squirrel cut her hair. she looks more femine. muacks babe!

im a sick biatch

damn..after spendin a nite at tan tock seng hos, i realise how much i miss their food. ok not exactly after havin da most disgusting porridge ever.

miss my lappie. seriously. bro had been using raping my lappie. damn. im gonna tell his gal bout it. n the police. hes goin to the jail. for fucking sure for raping my lappie. =(

of cost, i miss my buddies too. n to my gay partner. happy belated bdae. sorry i didnt make it for dat day dinner.

im a sick bitch.

one fine day

alrite we have our hmc mock exam todaee but i think more than hlaf of the class didnt turn up. wahahahhaa..i stuck my ass at my cupcake plc. watch the L word for da first time n i gotta say, SHANEs is a HOT CHICK. yea...


nothin realli happen todae in skol. this poem i wrote it wen i was on my way to skol in the bus listenin to my cakes snoring infront of me. its so....musical. wahahahahahahahahahahaa...

hold my hand
probably for the last time
we talk and coffee
about the memories we use to be


hug me tight
and we forget about the fight
wipe the tears
we wont feel the fear


smile like theres not tomorrow
cos if we dont there will be hollow
in the history of our classic
like a tone without music

sorry n thank

Today, my cheesecakes perfume is magnificently SWEEET. Jus like her. Yeah. Cupcake didnt come to skol todae. Caught up with tooth cancer. the dentist tell us its gum cancer. Well ok. its actually gum infection.


Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide
They’re swept away and nothing is what is seems
i sense the feeling of belonging to your dream


The time we argue and fight,
I know deep inside that it isn't right.
I feel bad and alot of pain.
It feels like I've fallen from the sky like the rain.
I need to say I'm sorry
And thank you too, somehow
For sticking at my side
And still being there now
I'm sorry that I've hurt you
Thank you for being there
I'm sorry for the pain I caused
Thank you for showing me you care

an announcement

ohwell one new announcement- i lost my fucking cash YET AGAIN. FUCK..!

this shld realli teach me a lesson to b MORE careful n yada yada yada..(the list goes on..)

~~

ok i wanna talk serious stuff here. n i mean. serious stuff. not that me losin cash is not serious enough but hey, its money. remember?

- this few weeks that i've gone through teach me alot of stuff. esp bout myself. yea. myself. n friendships.


cos once again, i take things for granted. i only realise how impt they are to me wen they are about to leave me in a blisterin cold. thank gawd, i realise it sooner. if not...i wont noe wat will happen to me. i now realise that i shld appreaciate every gawd's gift. eventhough i dun hv the stuff dat others hv, i shld then learn to accept the things dat i have. my buddies(or wat my cheesecake love to say "soulmates"). queens, cakes, gay partner, squirrel(sandy), naz, badz n stuff(oppsss..sorry) n the rest(u know who u are).


bout myself. i shld learn n will have to no matter for wat fuckin sake, to chge my sensitiveness to a moderate lvl. yea. cos i think its in the highest lvl. n its killin me. it makes me so not me. queens, i was never NEVER this sensitive before. now i am. yea. shruts, u noe wat i mean..so i think i seriously need some courses or talks bout sensitiveness management. hehehe..

smile*

well todae lina, mei zhen, sandy, me n supposingly my gay partner too. she told us that her jersey is still wet la. damnation. n well ya, the jersey is super hot la. i mean, its not dry-fit at all n its like the hot air trap inside the jersey la. haiya...

anyway went to town for like how many months not steppin there. went there with my cakes. hehehe...at last. AT LAST! yea..we went to far east to look for some vintage necklace for cheesecake. well the one that she bought is beautiful necklace la. its beautifool beauttiful babe. n my cupcake too bought for herself a necklace. guess wat? its mickey mouse wat else. wahahahahahaa.. but its so her la. well, i do like mickey myself. for gawd sake i still hv that mickey toy wen i was a cute toodler (now cuter la..hehehee). i jus cant bare to throw it or give it to someone else. wahahahhaha. there is still a kid in me ok. well ya, almost forgot. i lost my ten bucks AGAIN. like wat the *toot man. i seriously need to pack my room so i can find back my wallet n play safe. (wat is that suppose to mean?) ohwell april bought this jumper. its ..so her. wahahahahaha.. at first i dun realli find it nice la but then wen she put it on, its cool. cant wait to see her wear it to skol yippie.

n at skol todae we watch sepet. its a realli grt movie. no one shld miss it man. seriously. when my kuzin sis told me boutt dat movie, i was so not interested until i watch it myself la..n ya, it deserve to win that award.

life is back. to normal.
n im gonna smile myself to slp tonite.
=)

wat a day man

seriously have no freakin mood to go to skol todae. but yea, i went. the last day of hmc presentation, had some commotion goin on. hehehe...poor shasha. but hey b strong gal! anyway i wanna thank her for ..well its our lil secret. but i jus wanna thank her.

well ernie left. to perth. dude, wen are u comin back? hehehee..

ohwell, todae is like the first day that i came back home at twelve. no mood to hang out.sorry simin.

well, the funny part of todae is that i was almost hit by this black merc la. hahahahaa..dat seriously freak me out man. i was hummin "helena" by my chemical romance n then this damn car came. screeech followed by the honks. hahahaha... i was damn scared i think i can wee wee rite at that freakin spot. hahahahaa.. ok im not suppose to laugh at my fuckin self but i jus find it amuzin how dreamy i was. realli. i cant believe it la. cant imagine if the car didnt stop in time. damnation in hell man.

its rainin n i wonder ..... ... .. .

i hate you 2

i've jus deleted a whole crap of fucking shit. feel a lil regret but i dun wanna fucking waste my time typin it all over again. so yea, thats for todae.

i hate you

this is for YOU. yes YOU. im sick of all this shit. seriously sick. for one thing for sure, i dun think u even give a fucking damn shit about it.u dun fucking noe that im worrried sick bout it. well im not blamin u cos now to think bout it, i think its my fuckin fault. yea. its mine. its my fault to call u my frens. its my fucking fault to think that u ARE my frens. our fucking worlds dun meet for sure. but i thot we can work things out. but im fucking wrong. yea, my fault. shldnt b thinkin too much. rite now, i dun wish to talk to u. nor i wish to b with u. u shld b happy in ur own fuckin world. where u can talk n go wild talkin bout all kind of fucking shit that u can't wen u are with me. i dun wanna forsake my dignity n my pride to hv back our fucking frenship. u think i fucking need time n space? well guess wat. i dun need any fucking time. FUCKER. i dun need any space! my temper is flarin now i will soon blow them off. i hope u rot in hell. no fuck,i dun wanna sound bad cos im bad enough. n till now, u fucking shit still hv no fucking idea that im talkin bout u rite? haissss...dun worry. i wont say out ur fucking names here. im not somekind of fucking bitches who purposely put down names so that the whole fucking world noe who they referrin to. if u ask me if i wanna continue with the frenship that i hv with u? well the ans is a simple yes. im not a fucking shit like u who dump frenships in the drain. i believe that we are born with frenships.so yea, mayb the fucking time will heal my fucking wound. n stop that fucking crap of urs sayin that i'm the one of the few who make ur day. im fucking sick of ur fucking lies. seriously. ohwell watever it is, its my fucking fault rite? damn, i cant believe the shit i got myself into. fuck.

one fucking thing for sure, somethin happen for a fucking reason and because of a fucking reason.

a sick poem

A broken trust severed us
An ocean of secrets that i've left behind
Unlocked by false assumptions
I'm stupid and dumb in the brain
And I shouldn't have pushed you away

I wish I could turn back time
I'm biting my tongue with my foot in mouth
I'm kicking myself in the ass with my hand

at the very last!

i've painted my room. at last! and wats the colour? u guess- its hot pink. yup. hot pink. so u pretty much noe that im kinda tired with all the paintin n shiftin my whole room. nothin much to blog bout actually. just wanna tell the whole world im in a new world. but the strange thing is that, i'm not smilin. somethin must b wrong? well i think evrything is wrong. esp me. mayb its my pms. i cant find anythin else to blame except my pms. sigh. screw pms.


i've learn the hard way. i've learn the easy way. but one thing for sure, easy or hard theres something that evolves ard it. Love & Death. try conquerin both, n u can see the wonderful of all the things ard. for me, i've not conquer any of this two, that is why i dun see the wonder of the rest. how bout u?

today is a saturday

slpt at bout three last nite after watchin an hindi movie. i cant remember the last time i watch an hindi movie. well woke up at 11 and only had my bfast at 12.30.

didnt reali hv a conversation with my old lad. i tried but it end up in an argument. i hate that. well, i didnt paint my room as plan. i spent my day readin fatal seduction. then bro ask me to help me returned the vcd he rented. yes, my bro is back from taiwan. kinda glad that he's back. miss him. he was gettin ready to go for the chalet. wont b back till tmr morn, i bet.


i was not in the mood to toy ard bpp. str home. on the way home, i saw this grp of kids at the roof. i was not surprised but was worried bout how bold n darin the kids nowadays. i wonder wat happen to kids nowadays. then at the playgrd, toodlers(age 7-9) are more worryin. they are tryin to do breakdancin. oh my gawwd. when i was at their age, i dont even noe wat is breakdancin. i ignore them n continue with my 'lil adventure. waslk the same road jus like the day before. one thing that is diff. i dunnoe why, but the smell of the road is so diff. my smellin sense taste the lavender. i wonder.


reach home, it was empty. i like the feelin. only me n the house. no naggin, no shoutin, jus peace. im enjoyin myself. i hope i can smell the lavender once again in the house but its fill with the smell of tobacco.

chattin with my queen of maniac now. shes back from her holiday at thai. miss her.
this few days, i've been doin alot of thinkin..think abt alot of stuff. and i realised somethin.
i'm a selfish bitch.

a beautiful- not day..hahahaha

i woke up at 7.30am. one hour late. a beautiful start off for todae. went to da lrt station and i was breathless eventhough the station is less than 50 steps. thanks to my heels. the last time i had my heels on was Hari Raya. when i reached cck mrt station, i realised that i didnt hv my speech with me. a serious damnation. in the train, i had to balance myself without any support so i wont embarrased myself n fell cos of my heels. haiss...then when i finally reached the first person to see me in NITIN. oh my gawwd. he was pointin at me la. then i saw a familiar shadow. its badz. hehehehee..with the gang. n my sandy. hehehehee. and jus in the right of time, the shuttle bus came. yippie.


my presentation suck. but watever it is, i wanna thank my klassmates for bein suppotive twrds me. thanks gays! hehehehe..skol was a mix of ok n not ok. i dunnoe. some politics issue happenin that i think we shld b hvin esp when we are all matured n stuff. but i guess, im wrong. we hv not matured enough. to ernie, i want u to b strong.

after skol is like, a mini hiking for me n simin. hahaha.. we diamonds like shit in the hot sun walkin from one end to another. hahahahahaa..we met J&C. simin irritates me all way long abt on C. haisss.. i dun have a crush on him la..i jus find him cute. CUTE. thats all. n he say My dressing is hot. not ME. so, u n J shld stop plannin to give us some private time together ya?


simin went to have lunch. we talk bout quite a few stuff la. hmm, that makes me think bout it till i felt aslp at the sofa after fetchin my nephew from skol.

busy or lazy. bothered or dun give a damn. i still dun noe the reason why things happen ard. the reason for the gap, the reason im pms-ing oftenly n the reason for me to spend more time with gays, this few things..i cant find the ans. well but one thing for sure, i cant b selfish. i cant think abt myself. i just got to let it go. it will feel good. for me n you.

hope it end soon. (i'm talkin bout the klass politic.)
and yes, i wore a black skirt todae.

once upon a day

todae first day at skol at queenstown was dusty n noisy. but the classroom is hugee..well not realli huge la but one thing for sure its bigger than my room. wahahahaha... learn afew things bout some ppl. shurts remember the day u cough out the tiny winy fly..hahahahaha...just got reminded of it. n i met with nani (my late grandmum younger sis). its not that i dun like her or her family but i dun think i can EVER get along with them. worse of all, she want me to go her house after skol like as often as possible?! whats her freakin prob? haiss...i just managed to smiled to her.


my gay pArtner was kinda sick todae. oh man....now, im talkin to both my cakes n nic. hmm...goody


i change my blogskin cos i chat with shruts n she insist me on changin it. ok ok..now i've change u dun b sarcastic to me anymore k.

i think some ppl are itchin for a slap from me. to think about it.... hais...
wont wanna talk much todae. kinda tired.

oh man..

woke up with the sound of of my hp. "1 received message". it was from =) hehehehee..cheesecake. newae was suppose NOT to get out of the house but i did. need to get fresh air. then it rain. get caught la. haisss..my chest still hurts. damnation.


good news to the chickens out there, i thrown away one box of it. =) cant eat much la,cos i think it cause my sickness.


roger n out. wanna clean my palace.

how i wish i smile to u just now

i dunnoe why but it seems dat theres a communication breakdown btw me n cakes. esp cheesecake. haisss...wats up with the world? no. its me. theres something wrong with me. and i cant figure out why. i cant. n i dunnoe why. arghhh..its killing me. met mr. subair at bugis. i still remember da day he step into our klass. everyone think hes hot. n he gives out CHOCOLATE. =)


my chest hurt. like it hurt when ate two box of it in three days. haiss..im dying. n i think im enjoyin it. but wat make me think twice is how bt the ppl who care bout me? well if theres any la..argghhhh...i'm trying my best to stop this bad eating disorder.

a week of not bloggin

a week of me not bloggin. damn, alot of stuff have happened to me. and i mean alot. i wont wanna talk bout it much but watever it is, i wanna thank one beautiful lady in my life. my sis. thanks for bein my sis. (will talk more bout u.)


i've been freaking tired ever since i'm back from indo. didnt rest well n better still when cycling with my gay partner for TWO days. had a grt time but damn tired. n its a no joke about it, ya. im kinda relief todae cos one disaster is over. well im talkin bout my hmc project. but i still hv my presentation to go with n other projects. haisss..


i hv alot to blog seriously bout this the stuff that happen to me n my surroundin but i cant. cos i hv put my self in deep shit. n im tired. soon geeks!

luck me

hmm met with my queens. hell lots of fun. took pics here n there. here n there. "tell me why u goin?" "tell us why u goin?" "tell...!!". the qns dat ring me after we sit down at a spot cos shruts was tired. i cant ans da qns. haiss...sorry queens. one day u guys will noe.


simin n i hd a hell grt of fun. fallin in love with my gay partner. seriously. we played this game for bout one hr i guess..then before we leave, i decide to try my luck on da doll that we try gettin for cupcake dat day. i took one dollar coin from my pocket. before slottin the coin in, i say my pray. the cat standin str was yellin at me "pick me!" "pick me!"
i say my lasy prayer before i press da yellow button. it get hold of the head. it goes up. with the head. "oh my gawd" "oh my gawwd" "oh my gawwwd..." the backgrd musici me n simin were playin. then it drop. "oh my gawd" "oh my gawwd" "oh my gawwdd" "oh my gawwdd" both of us jump with joyous "ohmygawds"..i just cant believe it! we won dat cat! yea...

back at skol.
damnation.
promise me ya simin?
ohwell its jus a shhh.....gals talk stuff =)

rite now.
jus heard da news bout the typhoon in taiwan. another damnation. my bro is IN TAIWAN. i believe he n da other young men serving their NS is gonna b just fine. My BRO will Be fine.

a day

another day pass. with a thorn paper heart of mine. nurul witness the shldnt-be-seen-footage after cakes left at cityhall station. cant control it. she confiscate my hp earl morn. damnation. well gonna meet my queens tmr. =)


nothing much to blog cos someone pissed me off. damnation. nice timing ya? haiss..

my heart is in your pocket...

woke up in da morn. n i wish that i had not open my eyes cos i cant reclose it again. to b honest, i dun feel like goin to skol. i mean wats the point, rite? but because of cheesecake, cupcake n simin, i get my arse out of da bed.. im pretty broke todae cos i had spent quite some cash yest...puffin my life away from damnation. well todae in klass me n simin left during break time. cant stand anymore benitas crap. realli. we had lunch at thaiexpress esplanade. then met with ernie n cupcake at kbow suntec. had a hell of great fun there. but two things was makin everthin incomplete. first is the emptiness tht we all feel cos cheesecake wasnt there. the second thing was the mood. yes we crap alot, we laugh but the mood..its killin me. after that wen to play some games at da arcade. almost got cupcake that soft toy but DAMN that machine la, we didnt get it. we took...no...THEY took alot of my pics...then i was practicing my "mice love rice" song when cupcake decided to record it. before i could even do it..she was in tears..in tears...n i had a feelin at that very moment, my cheesecake is cryin too...n when i ask my gay partner, simin, she say she will cry too when im gonna ....do u noe how that make me feel?? how am i suppose to look at the positive side of it? can i EVER bring myself to live my life when my heart is in the heart of my frens? will i be able to forgive myself for leavin you? who gonna call me names n who am i suppose to say "oh my gawwd" n "realli?" with?


i read simins blog, cupcakes blog n cheesecakes too. now, my room is flooded. cheesecakes testi drown me. i wanna delete my blog n my frenster soon. but somethin inside me is stoppin me. life will never be the same again. in my seventeen years of living in this materialistic singapore, i learn bout stuff that my parents cant teach me. frenship. it brighten up my life. my life. but now...i can just bury it at the bottom of my heart. my paper heart.

i was thinkin..

i was watchin my fav anime last nite. shaman king. from one episode to another, one thing that make me fall in love with this anime is- how they potray the frenships that they realise they are born with. yes, their main goal is to be the the one and only shaman king but behind it all, this anime realli emphasis on how impt frens are. they are willin to sacrifice their life for savin their frens. willin to sacrifice their power to save one fren. then at the end of all, one become strong thanks to the frens..


you switch off the light in my life
and now its in complete illuminated dark
thinkin im a candle
you want me to be my own light
even when u know it kills my heart
u hate me
u discriminate me
is it not enough
when u try kill me when i was young
when i was bout to have my lunch
i just thought it was another hullacilation
but i need to face things right
im moving to the end of my rainbow light
i wish i could say things out loud
and make me fly next to the clouds
to the folks who stand by my side
let me light up ur path tonight
atleast when im burnin
im doin something worth while

jus a'lil day

i was disappointed wen i step in my klass todae as the seats dat are suppose to be occupied by cakes are empty. hais...they not comin. ohwell, will msg cupcake later i talk to myself.


a few mins later, a cute face appeared at the glass door. its cupcake. with her new hairstyle. she look pretty hot. honestly.


ohwell after skol, wen to taka again. me n simin were drivin cupcake crazy with our "realllii?" and "oh my Gawwddd..!" but we end it at city hall station as simin have to meet her wendy. miss her witch+wolf laughter. hahahahahaa.. before that, we meet this cute adam brody jr. at da train. hes three and a half year old. hes name-ronan. weee......


finish "can you keep a secret". well it may not be the first bimbotic bitchy book i read, but it has make me think about what the story is all about. secrets. well, for sure thing, i DO have a lot of secrets. secrets dat im not sure if i will share it with anyone just yet. its too.... personal i guess. it will definitely change the way ppl treat me if they noe wats my secrets. hais..


before reachin home, i went to 12th. its been quite a while i didnt go up there. oh my....oh my..
now just reach home, im missin u guys. seriously. my queens, my cakes, my gay partner, my frens..yes. my frens. i miss u guys seriously. wonder how i live my life without u guys.

tomyam craze

klass todae. how am i suppose to describe todae's lesson..hmm? nothing? its a day when u jus do ur own stuff n da lecturer was talkin all da craps dat happen to her other klasses. hais..


when to taka with my cupcake n my gay partner. opss, i mean simin. wahahahaha...
we were suppose to help simin search for her mum's bdae present. so we wen to hunt for it..
i dunno but i have a strong feelin dat simin is da one who is fussy n not her mum. cos shes been rejecting every other things that we say that suit a mum.. hahahahaabut at last she bought one beautiful earrings. its so motherl la. n im now been influence by dat idiotic gay partner of mine, opss i mean simin..hahahahaha to laugh like a retard! wtf!


on the way back home, i received a call. its from my angel! yippe.. i wen down to queenstown to look at the unicampus that we are suppose to move in soon but wen i look at the buildin.wat the hell?? its still incomplete la. still under constructing..!! i cant wait to move in to our new campus cos its nearer. one straight bus laaa....cos im gettin tired of travelin from one end to another.. haiss...


ohwell then i wen to do some grocery shoppin wen i suddenly feel that i should cook tomyam! n guess wat? its freakin delicious la..yea. not bad for a first time tomyam cook huh? =)

sis

i detest and hate the shit from hell when someone spoilt my mood in da break of dawn. it will just tear me apart. seriously. its da most fragile hours of my life. i teared easily in the morn'. well but thank gawd i feel better when i think of meetin up with my cakes. lifes great. skol was ok ok. nothing much la but then we wen to da lib. had luch at kfc. its been quite a long time i hv not tasted kfc chicken. n of cost cheesecake didnt dare touch anything.


to b honestly, we didnt realli do anythin much in da lib except cupcake who wen there to start her hmc project. cheesecake help me with my conclusion for my paris hilton. =)


was talkin to my sis bout quite alot of stuff todae. hmm..da sudden mood make me now in a very mix feelins. i wonder..

a gun can kill
fire can burn
but smile of yours
can make my frozen heart
melts...

why? why? why?

i dun understand. n i dun think i will ever understand. my life i wasted wondering why and how i can make things right. for the ppl who i care. for the ppl who i love. for the ppl who i cherish. and for me.

ohwell..
i dun wanna waste jus another entry talkin bout the dark side of my freakin life that i know will bore ppl.


so well, miss my queens.
da days we spent in sec skol..
no one was like us..
wen to da field to pluck da mangoes n rambutans..
sneak to da back of da canteen to make music..
bein hooligans wen we walk back home..
bein the centre-of-attraction everwhere we go..
makin mcd our second home..
sabo each other no matter wat day or time is it..
me n khai cat fightin n everyone cheerin..
i can never find another of u guys no matter wat.
seriously.
even if we have our misunderstandin and stuff
no one can change the fact that u guys ARE my queens
man..how much i treasure u guys
to gawd i pray that this will b never endin..
our frenship.
it will be among da last things i wanna say goodbye.

because of u

I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break
The way you did
you fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you..I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you..I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you..I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you..I am afraid I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with
You want me to watch you die
And heard you cry every night in your sleep
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you.. I am afraid
Because of you..I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty

Hais.. frens

todae woke up smilin cos im gonna meet my cupcake before klass which begins at two. we discuss bout our projects n stuff. gonna meet her n probably ernie too tmr before klass begin.

at skol theres nothing much that happen with the exception of the "analysis" of the song -whats goin on? all-star tribute. =)
a lovely song that should be appreciated.


...
well for alot of u out there just wanna u to listen up to this words i wanna split out.
for me,
frenship are not something that we make or break
but something that we are born with
so if i wanna end it all, i KILL it with a swift


i treasure my frenships
cos i know its worth it
but if it is just for some shit
i will just give turn off the switch


well..
i know the meaning of suffer
i feel the word called suffer
thats why i care
when u stop breathing air
thats why i worried
when u wont wanna say it

ohwell forget wat i say
i shld have realise dat i shld be living in my own biosphere

jus a day pass

woke up late Again.. hais
didnt do much stuff todae.
my fever is down but not my migrane.
damnation.
shes not in a good mood
so didnt realli talk to her much.
read my book
stuck in my room
and gueess wat guys?
im grounded for life.
ok i noe its not somethin new
but she emphasis it last nite
wen i was bout to slp at bout 2
Hais..
lifes like dat
i dunnoe whether i shld hate her even more or just ....
well gotta travel to bp n wdlds more often.
and to adam im sorry i cant meet u tmr.
sorry ya.

welcome to my life

i woke up late todae. cldnt realli open my eyes thanks to da sickness called migrane. but i hv no choice but to drag myself to da bathroom. try to cheer up my own freakin day but jus cldnt win fightin with my bad mood.
ohwell let me ask u several questions before u move on with ur life. here it goes..

how does it feel when someone you expected least call u a prostitute?
what will you do when love reject you?
why do you make yourself believe that wealth is the one that make the world go round?
who will you die for?
when will you stop dreamin? stop fantasizing?
where will you be when i close my eyes?


we have been living with eyes half open..

my hades

didnt go to skol todae. accompany my cupcake to da doc. i hope shes smilin her days after todae after what da doc say. "99.99999999999999999...%" my fever is gettin worser n my head is takin a roller coaster ride. its killin me but with all that i didnt go back home to rest- i head to da library. borrowed three books. its been awhile i hv not been readin fiction book.
im now hook with this song "for you i die". a lovely song dat make me think bout the reason im breathin, the reason im livin, the reason im alive. once again guys, im losin grip. im feelin freakin helpless. i hv so much to say but im seriously in no mood and in no energy to type anymore. so i end it here. to my huneys, i love u guys.


im tryin to let u walk next to me..

spent my day...

woke up in da morn n realise dat marion raven cd is at my desk. =)
her strong vocal impress me. her music inspire me. i just hope that she can be da next Alanis Morissette. that will rawk ME. while listening to her songs, i felt so yesterday. being all da sixteen year old gal. draggin da morn to go to skol cos i have not completed my maths assign or eng homework. n i still da remember da first lesson for todae is newspaper article. we will take this opportunity to complete our homeworks n assignments with the help of our frens' masterpiece. hehehee.. life in sec skol.how could i live those days again.......


skol.
bored. was fallin aslp. after skol wen to national library with cupcake, gay partner n jess. chessecake wen back home cos of her cramp. hope she's ok now. so can see her tmr. after that me n cupcake had gelaro(if dats how u spell it). was okla. quench our thirst. hahahaa. head far east. at mrt station, guess who i met? Syahidah! from e3 la. same old her la. she realli caught me by surprise. at far east, saw orlinda! she's super slim. it suit her style la. i wen to see my bag. cupcake say it lookz cool on me. =)


rite now, im experiencing pms-ing. arghh.... but i cant put my head to stop thinkin bout wat cupcake told me. mayb im not ready for ...... mayb shes rite. mayb im not ready. cos for me, my studies n my frens r my priority. not the "r" word.

to die...love

To Die for Love
To Die of Love
To Die in Love
To Die with Love
To Die over Love
To Die without Love
To Die to Love
To Die in the mine
And then be a "Mine"
in the Arms of Someone
Chest wound,
"Here I will Die of the Above"

slut dats who u r

i dunno if i shld regret da 1/2 hr i spent to see you after skol. but atleast i thank gawd for not letting me skip my klass half way. Thank Gawd!
now, im just wonderin wat is ur real intention for doin dis shit. i dun get it. for real slut, IM NOT YOU. i dun fuck my own bro. i dun go fuckin guys from da net or from da chatline. IM NOT YOU. so stop all shit n start searchin for a real life. u seriously need one. n dun say u didnt mean wat u told me. its bullshit. u think i will jus treat it as one of ur mean jokes but hey, u were wrong. n u think i will just forgive u as crocodiles tears drop from ur cheeck. damnation. i wont fall for fake-state-depression of urs. u need work harder on ur acting skill.arghh..u da one person who make me sick now. seriously.get a life.

skol.
was ok. nothin much for skol except dat cheesecake is back. im glad she make it to skol todae. miss her like hell. n cupcake looks hot todae with her new purple mini skirt. n thereis somethin wrong with my gay partner todae(im talkin bout simin of cost). shes been crappin alot todae. hmm...i wonder

a day w/o..

today klass was way much better than yest's day klass. esp wen jailani was talkin bout da sexual norms. hehehehee..then me n simin had lunch with joe and the gang. weeee...had a gd time with them la. then me and simin headed to bugis met jess. and simin's fren. they went to buy movie tix at 3.10pm. we took da time goin to da library to do some research for the projects. i did some research la. simin n jess did their own research for their project. they left me all alone at da library at three. so left alone in da library i do my research in silence. wen back home shortly after that. at home theres nothin much to do. so i close my eyes for 1/2 hr. wen to take a bath, then switch on my lappie. nothin to say much todae...


missing my queens, chessecake n cupcake...
n guess wat..im dreamin bout dat bag..arghhh..
to think bout it

yippie

akon- mr lonely.
woke up in da middle of nite n i notice dat my cell wasnt by my side.
dude i was searching for it
i was cryin
then i saw it under my bed
wahahahaa..its lame la but dat wat happen to me wen i woke up at three in da morn. my cell was freakin me out wen it was not within my reach.


skol.
sucks. ok like wats new esp wen it come to benita fong class n da worse part is dat my cakes were not sittin next to me la todae. cheesecake was bz n cupcake was havin a headache. but her headache will disappear after klass cos after klass i wen to meet her at city hall mrt station. n we headed to cineleisure. No more headaches...watch a few movies before my lappie hibernate.


heeren.
visit heeren. nothin much la. was lookin ard i remember my dream bag. arghh..thinkin bout it make me close to tears la..hais. damn la.. then i saw a nice shockin hot pink shawl-that-can-turn-to-belt. its awesome la. cupcake bought da green one. she look extra hot in green la. dat evergreen apple april.wahahaha..
but i miss my cheesecake la. damnit. its alrdy like one week i din see her. Haiss. hope she take care of herself cos if she fall sick there's no one i can bully beside april who will laugh after bein bullied la...dat cute cupcake. well, hope next week is gonna be back to da future.

Home.
i have like fifteen movies to watch. gotta do some evaluation n stufff like dat for our project.


damnationess.

two days in a day

yest.
my plan to visit M'laysia was cancelled due to some backstage problems. wahahaha.. so wen to mt. faber for da first time after living in s'pore for seventeen yrs! hahaha..it's a quite a romantic plc in s'pore la. watch da fireworks from far then headed to tanjong pagar railstation to EAT! was freakin hungry la cos i din eat for da whole freakin day..


today.
wen to skol with my cupcake. class was alrite la. nothin much happen. then after skol wen to heeren with ernie cos she wanna buy some jackets. then met shruts n fahm! yippie headed to far east. then bel hammy come! double yippie..we wen to eat at es teler. but turns out dat da food was average laaa. but we hv grt fun. naz came shortly after that. triple yippie. we crap alot then we go ard to shop. shruts spent like 1/2 hrs in a shop la. damn gal. kuku came kinda late cos he said dat he was stuck in a traffic jam n regret not taking da train.hahaha poor guy. newae happy four yippie. hahahaa.then we wen in to this shop n i falled in love with it. yes its big la. ppl will give me weird expressions wen they see me with it. but its HOT.seriously HOT. n it suit the freaking me la! its da coolest Bag i ever seen in my whole freakin life! but i didnt buy it cos im short of cash.


sob.sob.


back home, i was kinda tired. cant afford to slp earl n miss my anime. so im tryin to stay strong. was kinda worried bout dat gay cheesecake of mine too. poor babe. hope she take realli good care of herself. i dun wanna see her sick la damnit. n i jus completed doin my own therapy. my back hurts, so do some exercise.

wat the ...

When I'm Trying to Understand Myself,
You Make Youself Difficult To be Understand

life's like that

last nite i almost died..laughin my head off. someone- a very close fren of me told my other fren dat I'M STUBBORN! to be honest i actually dont know how to react but then when i absorb the information for da second time, it become the joke of the YEAR..hahahahaahahahahaaahahahaa...i got the 'news' last nite but didnt manage to blog it on da spot. newae she will come out with other adjective beside names such as sexy, hot, cute, just to name a few laa..


ohwell last nite i only manage to go to the fantasy world at threee. not talkin to my angel as planned but talk to my closest kuzin. wat else we talk about other than GUYS. she's da one of the few who i can talk with bout guys, guys, guys... seriously. i wonder wat life is for me wen she get married next year. i wonder...


todae nothin special happen. woke up kinda late at 1030hrs. argghhhh...
how i wish i dun hv weekends n not face da reality dat he's not workin n she will be like one of the active volcano in da world. always erupting. i dun wanna talk much bout it but i jus wish i learn to live with it.

i'm tryin to sort out things that i can take seriously and the things dat i can jus let it go..i guess dat's how life shld be. for me. cos for me, i dun dream n make myself believe dat tmr is gonna b a better day for me. dats a total rubbish. however, it can bring some encouragement to some ppl laa excluding me cos i've seen and feel the pain of hopin for the better wen pain is the one who arrive at my doorstep first. ohwell wont wanna drag much bout it. i wanna b as strong as my angel. =)

thats is for now.
wanna play hide and seek with boredom.

walkin

i was suppose to take my pair of sneakers n go for a jog but end up takin my flippy flop n the guitar..head to shruts plc. hahahaa..before i continue with my story first i wanna thank my angel(shurts of cost) for makin me smile after da disaster last nite. thanks babe. well back to my story we then walk ard with guitars at our hand. then i decide to call edric down. shruts cursed me for that. wahahahahaha..n i seriously think thats he's CUTE. really.


ohwell im kinda tired now. but i wanna do somethin bitchy..hahahaa..ok dats is so NOT me laa..shit. wats happenin to me?!?!?!argghhh


wanna tell cheesecake, i miss her. cant remember da last time i hv a serious fun talk with her. wahahahaaaa. ok wats happenin to me now?! IM GETTING OUT OF HAND! maybe cos im bored n tired. maybe..

miss me n i'll b creepin under ur bed..
muacks

dark

People see you as Truly Dark. Congradulations. Your
are dark by nature and not just because it's
cool. Dark people are not always loners but
definatly not the center of attention either.
Many people are the dark are like the shadows
and can conform into any shape they need to be.
But the dark can't be hidden forever. It's
often only a matter of time untill you tire of
the charade and show your darkness. Thus how
those in the dark remian solitary. Being dark
does not always mean your gloomy, you are
probably just artistic. Whether is be in the
drawing, music,painting, or singing. If you can
find a friend who shares your twisted ideals or
is willing to brave the iceiness of your world,
hang on to them for how rare it is to find a
light in the dark.


What Do People Truly See You As? (lots of outcomes and stunning pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

broken

She sits in her corner
Singing herself to sleep
Wrapped in all of the promises
That no one seems to keep
She no longer cries to herself
No tears left to wash away
Just diaries of empty pages
Feelings gone astray
But she will sing...


Til everything burns
While everyone screams
Burning their lies
Burning my dreams
All of this hate
And all of this pain
I'll burn it all down
As my anger reigns
Til everything burns


Walking through life unnoticed
Knowing that no one cares
Too consumed in their masquerade
No one sees her there
And still she sings...

hmm....

todae i didnt expect to see my cheesecake at skol..i actually dunno wat i shld do..seriously. but then wen we went home, we talk la in da train but she was da one who talk da most..i cant even look at her for like wat 30secs..damnit..well i hope tmr is gonna b better..and ermm...someone got her first kiss! cant tell who la, jus check it out urself. and i wen to borders jus now suppose to buy Dave Pelzer- A Man Named Dave but i cldnt find it. damnit la. then somethin caught my eyes. decide to buy it. well not for me la. its gonna b weird rite..ohwell, nothing much to say already but i jus wanna again Apologise to cheesecake...


i'm sorry

dan

when tomorrow arrives
just like yesterday
when your laughter can be heard
then you will slowly forget me
the worse nightmare of your life
where i have pierce your heart
and i make you cry
with your silence tears


just forget me
if that make you shine like the stars
and stand at your own ground
slap me and detest me
if that can make you
shine like the stars
and make you stand strong
again


i'm sorry
but i didnt mean it
i don't intend it
but do you that
i wanna forget you
eventhough i need you

bizarre of a love triangle

every time i think of you
i get a shock right through into a bolt of blue
it's no problem of mine but it's a problem i find
living a life that i can't leave behind
there's no sense in telling me
the wisdom of a fool won't set you free
but that's the way that it goes
and it's what nobody knows
and every day my confusion grows


every time i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
i'm waiting for that final moment
you'll say the words that i can't say


i feel fine and i feel good
i feel like i never should
whenever i get this way,
i just don't know what to say
why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
i'm not sure what this could mean
i don't think you're what you seem
i do admit to myself
that if i hurt someone else
then I'LL never see just what we're meant to be

sick

todae wen for grocery shopping..not feelin quite well actually..dunno wassup..i think cos i have been puffin alot..cant keep my mind straight..n im seriously wanna apoplgise to cheesecake..shes been very good towards mee..now i dunno how to face her..arghh damnit..was puffin my last one wen it strike me. my right brain been paralysed. the migrane is back! arghhh..i feel like i need to b exploded! watever it is im now caught in my fever..caught in the middle..i jus dunno wat to do..im sick of all this..im sorry cheesecake

wats happenin..

31st july. queen of beauty was born. we were suppose to meet up n celebrate but end up..is it expected? or it's fated? i dunno wats happenin to QUEENINC...r we drifting apart? oh please no..is it my fault? i noe i have not been a gd fren to u guys but dat shldnt be da reason we all are drifting apart..after mun's bdae is gonna be QUEENINC bdae..5th august. talkin bout it, i dunno whether i shld b happy or sad or guilty or jus treat it as a normal typical day..

to cheesecake, i will like to apologise to u. i now doubt if i ever deserve ur frenship. i dunno if i ever have the courage to talk or see u again. i seem to lose da courage...hais..but watever it is i wanna thank you n i wanna apologise a thousand time.

friends

At times I realized that I’m not worthy of your friendship. It happen to me at times when I make my friend heartbroken. They will be there for me when the world seems to end. They will laugh at all of my lame jokes. They will be there to pour me sunshine. But what have I done to make them? Sadness. Heartbroken. One thing I’m good at being a friend is to break my friend’s heart. Everything now is killing me. I seriously don’t know how to live my life without them but I think I’m being selfish. That’s why when they being superbly extra sugary nice and sweet, I feel so guilty. I don’t know what to do cause honestly I don’t wanna them to stop bein all sugary nice n sweet but I feel guilty. It kills me. I didn’t do anything near best to make their life a wonderful life like how they make mine.

And now I don’t even think a sorry can justify it.

a tiring day for me..

todae skol kinda fun..naz came in to klass todae n sat next to my cutey simin la! wen they realised dat shes My fren, they called me a cheater la, damnit..ohwell everything wen ok..then we went to Taka to have our lunch..walk walk then we decide to go far east..Jolyn wen to meet her sis n left me alone..but i hv my simin, cupcake n naz so im kinda chill la..we wen to sit at burger king while waitin for simins bag bein repaired..then we walked to paragon to meet up with simin's fren- WENDY...hahahaa..sorry if i hv been an irritating pest..then me, naz n my cupcaek wen to the heeren to search for naz shoe....walk walk again before we conquer a shop where flowers became the 'topic'..hahaha..naz bought a flower to b plc at her hair n me..bought two pinned flower..it was kinda late n we all were gettin tired n stuff but cupcake hv to meet madness...i kinda upset with my cupcake cos she sill tryin to be swit wen she alrdy hv to wait for him for TWO freakin hour la..damnit..u think i jus gonna let u sit at city hall mrt station n wait for a GUY to come up wen at last he was doin his detention..argghhhh....ohwell i jus dun wanna see u bein bullied cos u bein swit to Everyone..

hope everythings gonna be alrite..its been a tiring day for me n i hope tmr's gonna b better..
n im missin everyone la
damnit