and im leaving

well one last entry before i get my ass in the car to be driven away from this island.
first time ever my heart felt sooo heavy to step out of my house. mayb someone or somethin is holdin me back. anyway, sis bought a new phone and she is askin me to upload stuff in her new phone. tht is the ONLY reason why i am able to use my lappie now. hehehee..

stuff have alrdy been packed. MEDs and JACKETS too.
oh ya, got my pay just now. went down to office with K.H.
and i sense tht mr. karim is not really tht happy with me.
sorry boss.

anyway, before its too late i better wish everyone out there MERRY XMAS!

mum is still not back home yet. so i need to be mum sis and daughter all at one time now.

gifts are on the way...


suckiness.


imissyou.

its the blue on monday

omg omg omg... yest was the most blue-est monday i ever had in my entire... err.. life i guess. if only im still a sec skol kid, i wld hv said LIFE SUCKS. work esp.

and it was raining heavily. and like i told sandy, you can literally see the rain falling from the sky. hahahahaa..

april said i shld try to be less annoying as she sense tht i was the one who started the lil fight. heheheheee. which is true actually.
so yea i will try to be less annoyin and irritating to the rest except for cuppie herself. hahahaha.

i think im laughin to much. anyways, right now im waiting for the rain to cool down before i start walkin to the bustop. i dont really wish the rain to stop but at the same time i do need the SUN to brighten up my day.

ireallymissyou.


chiao.

second day. second customer.

second day working at universal group asset pte ltd co. a very hi-end company actually. and for gawd sake, its at the 43rd floor. the view, the whole singapore except tht u will b block alil. anyways, april just started working today. interview for less than 10mins and she got the job. straight away. she stole my jacket and so i got to frostbites here and there.

nothing much else happen. just tht i hope the so called challenging task being given to me will make me less bored callin all those idiot who dont even show any sympathy and want to spend their 45mins to come down for the preview of our lifestyle club. they even got a gift to walk away! where's the kiase and kiasu singaporean!?

and i need to do something now. something INTERESTING.
any idea?

when

That most beautiful was depicted on your lips
Had not been seen by me this smile of yours before

all the colored that were promises...
has loved that was given faded away

dont let me be all alone
dont let your heart being conquered
dont let me standing here
waiting with no one

just dont let go of Your hands embrace
and let everything passed by
like as if our feelings have been forgotten
when we had our first kissed

Overcast sky when saying
We ought to be still loving


a lovely song.
just cant get it out of my head.



when you hurt the one you love the most

it seems like ages since i last update my blog. is it laziness or is it just simply not to tell people what my boring life is all about?

i dunnoe. mayb its both.

but well, now im extremely bored. like to the core. and sooo i blog. but tht is not the only reason why i wanna blog todae. i just feel like .... blogging. u know tht kind of feelings?

oh well..

after skol, life seems to be like totally a new thing. u dun get to see ur frens as often. u dun get the chance to talk at the back of the classroom and talk all shit all day. u dun get tht moments anymore where u slack at the studyroom when were suppose to do our prjts. u dun hv tht time when u go down to the canteen just to get a glimpse of the cute guys ard and get ur fav french fries from the western shop.

look back at those times, i dunnoe. i feel my life now is a boring shit.
if only i can relive those days AGAIN.

ok, im not tryin to be emo or wat. just tht, u know when u think bout all this sweet stuff.
im just bein random.
i guess..

cupcake is leavin to aust this feb.
for .... 4 years i guess?
thts.... long.
too long....
but i pray for her best.
my cuppiecake. =))

then i have my queenies. all the shits we went thru. all the unbelievable things we did. omg.. i miss bvss suddenly. how can i go thru tht four dreadful years without them? how la dei HOW? things totally change. but not the love i have for them. theyre my queens for god sake. how i wish life is like a book. like seriously. then we can just live those moments again and again and again...

how we see things, how we deal with it, how we go thru each day without tht someone next to u. when u suppose to meet ur love one but it just didnt go as it plan.

and everything else just backfires on u.





How can I say
Say I'll be okay

my mum

from day one, i know you not as a revenge soul. but im afraid that when you do, the only person i can think you getting all so revengeful will be - your mum.

that thought frightened me.
my mum, shes the first woman i love. shes the one who i called out when i was in pain. shes the one i always wanna make her feel proud. and the most happiest mother ever..

but i know i cant. no matter how much effort being put in.. i just cant. and im not sure if im gonna give up.

~

i dun wish for anything from her except one. since young.
i wonder why its so hard for her to give it to me.
if she can give me the money, ipod, clothes, foods, drink, shelter and everythin else.. why not this?
is it so hard... to just be a lil understanding towards me?

is it some kind of a punishment for me?
have i been making the most sinful thing in this world tht she just cant give me some understandin side of her?

as long as im concern, i have not been makin her literally crawl to the police station to save myself from being accused of doing something.

yes, she can say im the most laziest among my siblings. im the most stubborn one. im the most rebellious kid. im the most selfish beech ever.
so is it fair..

oh ya, since when the world is fair.

even my sis who is the closest one to me in the family, dont really seem to understand. me. youre a girl. youre not like bro who is a guy, who can do whatever he wants to do. so, dont compare yourself with him.

ouch.

my mum always tells me, make ppl happy first before making yourself happy. and then onwards i have always been holding on to that. ever since then i have always thot whatever shes doin is to make me happy..
but am i?

=)

will all this make me hold something against her?
and be all so revengeful?

i dun want to.
i can.

but no.




i dun wanna make more sins than im alrdy making.




i love you mum


chiao

when u only almost here

when heart just breaks...
when even the sweetest words cant heal..
when things are not meant to be...

how far it seems

its been weeks since i blog.
will blog again when im better off..

just that i wanna state here

i think im losing it..
somehow im losing in the pretendin game.
somehow im getting more sensitive towards da love one s.

and right now... all i need is

to be invisible.





Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak...

Darimu...
Kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku...
Kau lah cinta sejati


chiao

just a day u hate ...

have u ever had a day that you dont wish to talk about?

for me, i dont wish to talk about TODAY to anyone.
so...pls dont ask me hows my day todae, where did i go todae, wat did i do todae, who am i with todae, etc etc..

even if todae is not gonna be a total bad day for me, it is just breakin my heart to go thru it, itself.

err... wat is so bad about today?

=)

u dont have to know.

when its not meant to be




chiao

meteors raining down on you..

...you know you are just like asking for meteors to rain down on you...

The exact sentence I said that makes someones heart cracked.

REALITY CHECKED.

Sometimes what is on your head or mind should never be heard. Sometimes you just got to shut yourself up and stop thinking about the future.

But at times, you just cant afford NOT to think about what lies ahead of you. Especially when it consent looking ahead WITH someone. People tend to wish to live in dreams and fantasy. They want to probably live in denial?

That is what most of us are doing. This is what I have been doing. But… it scares you till you wet your pants thinking about what is tomorrow. It freaks you out every time you have thoughts about it.

But right now when I think about i... I dont think it is any sort of fairytale dream. It is a dream that I wanna live.

So this is the future that I want to have. That I wanna live. Whether or not meteors gonna rain down on me, I have chosen the path to lead me to my future.

Then you will know that meteors can rain down on you…

~We built our dream house on a hill by the sea~

marion raven can never bore me with her voice...


chiao

for the ccake

~Do you ever wonder~
~What sky I'm lying under~
~Do you ever think of me~
~Does your heart remember~

first paper todae.
was excited somehow as i truly miss my hoogaz. its been a week since we all met. sandy was happy to get the patrick i gave to her. yayness.

paper was as suckie as ever. but as suckie as it is, i wrote two booklets. sometimes i amaze myself by how good i can crap.

hugs were given till i almost make shangz fell down. heh
cos it will be in another few more days before im able to meet all of them again.
that truly SUCK.

oh yea, sandy and i were talkin on our way back home.
i was tryin my best to live in denial.
but somehow i should have known better, truth hurts.

ever since i read tht particular blog... i just cant help but to think of it..

and then... i wrote a poem.
for a friend.

cupcake

As I sat here through my tears
I look back on these two years

I dont seem to remember when you first said hi
But I do remember the day Ive made you cry
It was when I refuse to sing Mice love Rice
Then you smiled and it was worth none a price

You left me alone today without a hug
And whenever I think about it, it breaks my heart
But not as worse as the day that you gonna depart
I know for sure that it will haunt me like Im on drugs

If I have seen this coming
If I have known it for long
I wont lean on you
Then it wont be hard to break thru

Will you ever think of me?
When there is no one you can bully?
Will you ever miss me?
When me you couldnt see?

As time pass, you will be on your own
Especially when youre in the other zone
Promise me you will not get lost
Cos I wont be there to help you cross

True they say...

The hardest thing about friendship is parting
Like when someone you love moves away
It seemed as if our friendship was just starting
Until that one fateful day

chiao

here without you

its hard holding u holding her

Today is seriously NOT my day. Barely slept for three hours and I receive a call from – MY MUM. At exactly 9.45 in the morn, she called my handphone and asked me to wake up.

And that make me tear in the toilet.

Right now, I am fighting with this thing called MIGRAINE. Something that I DO NOT wishes to have during the fasting month. And nothing, NOTHING is helping me to make my pain less painful.

~

Actually that is not what I wanna blog about. Been wanting to blog since ages ago but, I dont seem to have the right time to type it. So here it goes.

A few days ago, I was listening to this song after so long. And it bring me back to the time where… sorry I cant say it here =)

Then right after that song, another song played which makes me think about the present.

That was when I realize how confuse a kid I am. How a mess my life is. Ok, maybe not as messy as it sound but… I just got to clear things. Sweep the old stuff. And make the present the only thing that should be in my mind.

as confuse as i am, i am still a a a a... eh, i just know what im doing. JUST THAT IM A LIL CONFUSE KKKK!?

im actually feelin better now. not that sleepy. not that cranky.
i think it is because of the painkiller i took straight after my break fast.

now...

MUG

chiao chiao

thinkin think

without a phone i walk out of the house.
no no.. not to run away u goon, to break fast.

yes, i do feel handicap without it. i feel that a part of me is not With me.

but without it, it makes me feel the freedom. no? u dont understand? its ok. u dont have to.

so the ride to my destination was undisturbing. no phone calls, no msgs. just me, myself and my mp3. that was when i started to think.

about stuff that is recently seems to be very important to me. or people i shall say. somehow life is look as if its a new thing to me. it may not be the most beautiful thing ever but it is a meaningful one. life is.. a meaningful thing god send to a being.

oh, i need tmr to happen just like how its been planned. by me. no no no.. not suprises just tht the day is gonna be a smooth one.
lets all pray.


chiao

have u ever wonder

its a perfect day for me. almost..

i dun think i can ask for more. really.

~

and yea, actually there is nothin else to blog bout.

thankin you will be weird.
so i wont do it.


every moment i cherish.
ever bits i remember.

boo.


chiao

shop for baby

my legs are officially aching real bad.
but with my angel shruts ard, everythin seems to disappear.
and i got to thank her for everythiin she did for me todae.

from taka to wisma, from heeren to ps.
hahahahaa.
all the trouble for one thing.
=)

i soo totally cant wait for tmr.
yippe.
gonna start muggin.


give it up for RIZZYYY...

~

someone is soooo totally screwing up my goober moood...arghhh F*ck
i neeed to feel the goober in me.

unspoken words

when ur unspoken words start to haunt you in your mind..
it keeps running and running across ur mind..
how do you stop it?

yesterday, wasnt really my day. my legs were aching kinda bad due to some stuff that happened the day before (hehehe..) and i was being dragged from causeway point to GEYLANG then to WOODLANDS again before im able to have my body back to my own room.

i was only able to close my eyes at 3 which then i got to wake up at bout 4.30 for pre dawn meal.
how interesting.

~

exams next week. like you know NEXT WEEK.
then u know wats next, HARI RAYA.
something tht i lost interest three years ago.
its jsut something that i have no mood to celebrate it la.
for the past three years, hari raya came at the wrong timing.
i think thts the reason why.

ok. need to mug alrdy.

chiao chiao

hoogazian

just like how cupcake blog, i cant seem to find the right words to say or type in this entry about my hoogaz.

it can b two short years but the memories we have will be with me for a lifetime.

~

exams are ard the corner. before skols officially over.
how i wish we can continue living in denial. but no we cant.
and i have yet to say wat i wanna say.

and i got to say it before its too late.
before time flies.

chiao

someone ask me to blog.but im not sure if i can blog. cos yea.

mm..well i got only one thing to blog now actually.

MY ANGEL SHRUTS IS BACK FROM INDIA!!!

omg la.

and tht means My Maniac Fren - Fahm is back too.

double yeayness.
hehehehe


till then.

chiao

u make me beautiful

what is the word tht can describe today?

seriously, i cant find words to describe it..

amazing huh.

how u wish life is as beautiful as today...

~

somehow the song tht im listenin now...
it makes me think of how much I have grown through out the year im with my hoogaz. im not good in words so.. let the Song speak for itself.

amazing how life is

Its amazing how things are different now. I feel alil change in me. I just felt that somehow someone or something have enlightened me.

But of cost there are still things that cant be change over a short period of time. Especially when it comes to the issue that involves our feelings.

Just a week ago, the feelings of insecurities made me have nightmares every time I close my eyes to sleep. I felt naked to know that some of my darkest deepest secrets were known. I felt the fear of having to remember the past.

And then I came across to realize how selfish I am.

I’m holding on to something and have never thought of letting it go just cos I felt that it was one of the most beautiful things ever. I was wrong. I was being a selfish beech. I didn’t think about the situation I have put people into.

…and then recently I took something that I can’t afford to give as much.

i dunnoe if i can get out of this phase of life in one piece but im sure i will get out of it soon. cos the people ard me have faith in me? i choose to believe that.
=)

I got to make it all right. And I got to start doing it now.


Im just unwell.
Till then, pray me fine.





chiao

before i leave

well, here i am chasing after time before everything gonna change.

i just wanna say... i love u guys.



i really do.



im soo gonna miss u all.



take care...

alrite

it was such a finneee day for me.
the ppl tht surrounds me make me smile the wholeeee day. the weather was the best. it was pouring. its time to get wet. its been a verrryyy long time u know.

i wanna thank cupcake aka porg tofu but best known as APRIL, for the handmade bag and one of her books. thanks girl. not only cos of all these but also for being the fren.

how can i EVER find another cupcake when i have you..?
how can i EVER find another tofu when u are the only one who bully me?

=)

and of cost to my hoogaz, thanks for catchin my fall.

~

was caught in the pouring rain. such a lovely moment.
but it was washed away the moment my foot step a plc call home sweet home.
till now, she have not stop a sec to catch her breathe.
leave me alone in my comfort zone before i go, is that really hard for u?
it kills u to see me in a bright mood huh?
are u happy to see me torn inside out?

no, i dont hate u.
i just want u to ...
its ok..

i still love u.
and i will always do.
=)

i dunneo

seriously. im soo drained out. i dunnoe wat to do or wat to think. and its killing me inside.

no, i can go thru this without any tearss..really i can.
just.. dont say anything. dont ask me anything.
really.


chiao

breakin the news.. breakin ur heart

how hard is it to tell something tht u know for sure it will somehow break some ppls heart? how difficult is it to let the words fall from the mouth...

if it was given a choice, i think i would rather poison myself than to tell anything at all to anyone.

life is always playin a cruel joke on ppl.
Tell me
Have you ever been in a
Situation where the
Best thing you could do
Was the hardest thing
You've ever done
But you try to do
What's right
And I know deep down inside
That I really wanna be
There by your side
But I can't stand to see you cry
Not when it's because of me


i got something from someone.
not just any other soft toy.
not just any whale u find in the rack.
its something that have alrdy been part of someones life.

oh baby..

for you queens and hoogaz

Will you still be by my side even if I have my back on you?
Will you save me from drowning even if you cant swim the ocean?
Will you catch my fall even when Im at the peak of a mountain?
Will you still dry my tears even when I let you down, again?

What is in me that deserve an angel like you?
What is in me that makes you miss me?
What is in me that you declare me as the milk?
What is in me that every time I make you smile,
The whole world is smiling with you?

Why do you have to become part of me?
Why do you hold me when the world is against me?
Why must you let me be reliant on you?
Why do you make me love you more whenever we hug?

There will be time that I let you down
Make you feel pain and let you fall
But if I can just tell you how I really feel
Then I will ask the stars to listen to me
Cos I want the world to know
let the whole universe know

How important you are to me.
How life is impossible without you.
How lucky I am that god send me you.
How wonderful it is when you’re next to me.

~ i dedicate this to my Queens and my hoogaz.

i hope for a better day

the food sucks.
the games are lame.

but wat really matter was the fun i have with my hoogaz. they were just the amazing people u will ever met in ur life.

im lost in words actually.
especially wat happen last nite on the phone.
seriously.

words cant describe how beautiful u guys are.
and im no good with it so yea.

but wat i really wanna say is tht...
i love u guys.

=)

bloomy blooom

so here i am facing badz and shangz in the study room. and no, no PROJECTS. we are having some talking bout life during sec skol life.

it was kinda great to hear how my cool nerd was getting into some shits and stuff like tht. badz was never a discipline prob kid.

oh im feelin kinda emo now cos all the songs playing in itunes. lalalalaa..

gonna blog again after i get my full attention.

leaving without goodbye

have u imagine urself rushing out of the class without any absolute reason?

i just did.
and only God knows why

not a very good dayy

it started off pretty fine. my morn was a fine one.
but the sky starts to turn grey when i lost my kiddy.

oh shit, lets not talk bout it, its makin me feel worse.
so we stayed back for prjts. badz too.

actually there is nothing much to blog about. im bloggin for the sake of blogging.
nd i feel tht today, shldnt even come.
too many mistakes make,
too many heart breaks.

ok i know im just exaggerating bout tht facts.

but the thing is, oh fuck.

i just went offline without even feeling a lil guiltness not saying goodbye at all. im THAT tense. THAT TENSE.


Give me back my point of view Cause I just cant think for you

=) im pretty emo now

Instructions:
-Take a look at your friends,then list up to 10 things you want to say to 10 different friends.
-DO NOT state who these people are.
-DO NOT confirm or deny any comment speculation.
-Then tag five 5 people

there will be some tht im gonne write in grps. so yea. sorry for tht.

#1 you are my angel yesterday and will still be my angel. i believe in that. and we shld talk on the phone till the dawn breaks again? but when will that be?!

2# 8 years gone but ure the same beech i remember and love. and i know that u hv not change ur disgusting habits and last nite just prove it all. =)

#3 when was the last time i got the chance to hug you? for gawd sake the last time i saw u was on my bdae!! thts ages ago sweety. and i know u wont be able to read this but i wanna say i love u beauty. and also.. my sis who i cant more describe. so anyone who wanna bully me, u got to cross her first. shes a CID for gawd sake. in another ... 3 more years? hahah

4# just love to annoys me whenever i try to pay attention in class. i hv once thot of sitting next to someone else, but tht will make her a loner. haha ok la.. its just tht im so used to her by my side.

#5 i miss my cheessssy cakey. what more can i say? and i will write a poem for u k?

6# the wannabe ugly stepsisters. u make me realise tht not all mly girls are minahs with no brains. hahah.. for sure i hv brains kk

#7 u probably the oldest in the hoogaz but tht will not stop the kid in u to be seen. and yea, i still remember tht i owe u a badminton match. and also to the beech who steal my willy, i hate you.

8# couple of the year. one is my buddy and the other is my squirrel. thanks for being part of me.

#9 we will meet up soon. i promise ok beech?

10# wat more can i say? i miss ur boobies la. er i mean i miss u. and bout ur phone sex experiences, dont worry im still working out on how to get ur parents know bout it. and ya i almost forget, thanks for being my fren.

so taggie taggie to sis khai, weird fahm, shruty shruts, lina jealous me and missy nurul. enjoy.

i need to blog. but mayb not todae.

EMO man..

one one hoogaz

okay... so it was a pretty bad day for me. but i was more than happy to accompany my cool nerd in skol todae. to think that she will b a loner, will just make me laugh. wahahaha.. well, she didnt even believe it when i said tht. beech.

ohwell, after tht my life was just so disasterous. how cool can tht be.
but i dun think i wanna yada yada yada bout it. cos it will make me feel worse.

so after watching the video clip made by lina to the hoogaz, i was being inspired to have a poem. its a lil weird but i hope its readable
hahaha

I cherished them more than the power rangers
Cos I thought that God fax me a bunch of angels

The story Im gonna tell its not just bout me
But bout the people whos a part of my life, you see
So enjoy the ride when I turn the key
As they are my Hoogaz and will always be

First the dancing queen and the sexy mama
Latter name Ah Boon and the other name Nisa
We all know they are always in the world of lala
To dream big and marry a guy the kids can call papa

Next we have the very fine honeys
They are called the stepsistas whos pretty ugly
Whatever it is I shall say that Im very lucky
To have both of them as my babies

Then we have the nerdy whore
Strawberry shortcake she loves to the core
Not to forget the Bollywood star
Being with Willy in the exclusive bar

The most talk about is Mo and Sai Couple
It may not be their favorite but both eat apple
give them shit and they wont give u maple
but love rock and soccer be their people

lets all not forget bout the sexy hottie chick
be slutty and disgusting ur butt will be kick
shes the only one wear black and red socks
who cares when they all chant RIZ RAWKS

hahahahahahaha..
ok i know its lame. FUCKING LAME.
omg la...
i just cant stop laughing.

chiao

come wat may

and... our lecturer didnt come todae. great. waited for an hour and she was nowhere to be seen. how slutty she can be.

so me and cuppycake went to the nat lib to start on some research for our PM. after tht we headed to bugis street. tht was WHEN MY NIGHTMARE started. cos we planned to get **** a ***** for her B***. and so, one of the salesgirl cleverly suggested tht i try the ***** for ****s behalf. how greatt.

and i tried more than 5 *****es. can u imagine me wearing that?! omg la. how TERRIFIC. but i like one of the ***** tht i tried on. it was soooo angelina jolie. REALLY...

ok ok, i actually wanna blog bout something. so here it goes>

last nite i was talkin to *ahem*. *ahem* told me bout how scary it is to have unknown people reading his/her blog. tht was the reason why he/she have taken this alternative to blah blah blah blah... ..

after that i went to one particular blog with no reason and realise tht he/she got a point. i mean *ahem* got a point. cos when i went to this particular blog, i saw something tht was pretty much cut my heart. and the cut is deep enough to make my heart bleed. blame it on the entry, but i got to say im blaming the taggie too. i then played with the word WHY.

why is ..... ... ..?
why is ... .. ... ..?
why are they ... .. .?

tht brings me to the next qns.
where am i in the word FRIENDSHIP?


all the times tht ... .. seems to have disappear.
all the time when .. ... .. seems to be forgotten.

and if u are wondering what the HELL im talkin bout? dont wonder.
u wont understand.
and btw, im talkin bout two ppl here. excldin *ahem*
tht was when i realise they or mayb just one secretly been readin my blog without leavin any acknoledgement.

im not askin much. nor do i want to be seen as someone who is desperate of frens. i just thot tht they cld hv given me some respect.


dont take me for granted tht im always there.
and then dont leave me hangin when u dont need me anymore.


u know im emo.
u know i am.


Chiao

the tears in the eyes of the lady

The light I saw when the darkness fall
Was simply something I did not wish for
Even stars are not that bright
And that makes me have the spirit to fight
But somehow it wont be happening tonight

Cos I try to heal but it keeps coming
Cos I wish it stop but it keeps killing

Persuade the world to see
Hide the pain, pretend to be happy
Freeze the time and youll see
The tears in the eyes of the lady

They say history repeats itself
I dont wish to be all by myself
They say Ill be by your side
But why dont they realize
Dont wish to see the past every other nights

So when I try to heal but it keeps coming
I wish it stop but why it keeps killing

Chaperone the world to see
Hide the pain, pretend to be happy
Freeze the time and youll see
The tears in the eyes of the lady

Thank you I will wanna say
When the universe smile one fine day
Ill be alright Ill be okay
For your happiness I shall pray
pain in the eyes of the lady

fades away

~

a random thing i did. its been quite a lonngggg time i didnt do any song writing or poems.so here it is. having a lil hard time at first but manage to scrap it thru.

oh ya, got to advert a webbie here.

http://pretty-in-anything.blogspot.com/

its damn cool. 2nd hand stuffs at affordable price. and all of it looks brand new.
its a must check it out webbie.

CRANKY TIME.
hah


chiao

first day of last

its the first day of our last semester for advanced dplm.
can u imagine it how fast time is? i dun like this.

and for once, i hope i can live in denial. i seriously dont like the feeling. its moving too fast i wonder if i can catch up with it.

oh my house is crappin alot bout siti nurhalizas issue. tht lady is seriously gonna get married who is a DATUK. well of course to the public its WTF IS SITI THINKING?! for me, its all in Gods hand. =)

ok so ive been tagged by both lina and nurul to do this thing. so here it goes.

3 schools i went to:
-management development institute of Singapore MDIS
-bukit view secondary school BVSS
-zhenghua primary school ZPS

3 things in my handbag:
handbag?!
-my print media book
-my pens
-and my make up bag of cost! hahahahaa

3 things i do when i am stressed:
-Eat my tummy out
-blast my stereo
-lay on my beddy

3 places i go to on a daily basis:
- skool if there is lesson
- toilet if i wanna bath
- room if i wanna feel like home

3 fav fruits:
-ORANGEies
-GREEN APPLEies
-Cherries

3 names i go by:
-Riz
-Mawar
-Dik Nor by my family cos im the youngest for gawd sake

3 of my fav food:
-all kind of cooked chicks i mean chickens if ure dumb
-my old lady asam pedas. just cant resist it.
-hmm.. old time fav mee ssoooootttttoooo

3 things i am wearing now:
-red boxer tht i only wear at home
-a yellow netball tshirt from bvss
-specs

who is in the house with me:
-papa and mama
-me
-bro

who am i thinking abt right now:
- khairunnisa elias actaully cos i hv some life threatening thing to tell my sis!

who did i last talk on the phone:
-myself. hahah.. my kuzin sis

who did i sit with during my 5th period in class:
-i dont have any fifth period. well, watever it is i sit next to cuppycake

who was the last person i last uttered love to:
-my Squirrel. hahaha.. i uttered love to my Love ones..

who do i wish i am with right now:
-my HOOGAZ
-my QUEENS
- actually i wanna be alone at lately. i mean only at nites..

where is my phone:
-at causeway point nokia center

where do i sleep:
-under ur bed.

where is the place i took a ride to:
- jalan kayu for the roti prata. hahaha...

what was the last things i ate:
-asam pedas with freshly catched fish. YUMMY

what colour shirt am i wearing now:
-YELLOW

what is the closest item to me that is blue:
-clothes starch and my nephews pencil case

what do i like most about school:
-my Hoogaz! and the study room. memories man..

what is my fav colours:
-black
-PINK
-red
-WHITE

what do i wear most often, jeans or shorts:
-im a jeans gal. but at home, im into shorties

what is the last movie i watched:
-pirates of the carrots. i mean carribean.

when did i start school:
- just now.

when did i last go to the mall:
-let me see... four hours five mins and 25 secs counting ago

when did i last burn sumthing:
- yest. burn a cigg. no no.. not for me.

3 bloggers to do this:
-queenof pope
-queenof maniacky
-queenof the DAMN. where the HELL are YOU?!

scar

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And me scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

few days of not bloggin.. hmm, im lost in words.
actually i was wondering bout the entry my fren wrote on her blog a few days ago.

she wrote this >

Yes, i've met different kind of people during the journey of my life- People who actually stood by me even during the darkest times of my life, and also people who actually plot for my downfall. And i've befriended most of them. And what made me realise the goodness of life is that these people come and go.

I remember believing in 'Friends Forever' and 'Eternal Friendship' a long time ago. But i've finally come to from my innocent and ignorant belief. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing. You usually meet someone whom you could click well with and soon you'll be close of friends. Only for that period of time. When the both of you part from each other to another journey of your lives, you tend to lose our previous freindship gradually.

Eventually everything would be all but memories. And probably ten years from now, when you meet him/her again, you'd prolly acknowledge each other. Just look at the irony of life. You were once close of friends and then suddenly you become strangers.

People come and go. That includes my friends now.

They may be my friends for a very long period of time, but when it's time, we will have to part one day eventually; whether it is from earth or to move on with our lives.

~

some how i dont like how she put it. how she interpret frens come and go out of ones life.

thts wrong. frens wont do tht. frens stay in ur heart. no matter the distance. i hv not met her and the rest for quite a while but tht doesnt mean i hv long forgotten bout them. tht doesnt meant too tht they are no longer my frens who i can laugh and cry with. yes, we have our own path of life but no, thts not an excuse to lose it. what holds us together shld be the memories we share. and wat makes us strong is our frenship. despite the distance. seriously.

mayb we see frenships in two different light.



for all i know, i hv seen how beautiful frenships are. since the day i know my queens.


ok, now im gettin all so emo.
hahaha..



my frens right.
im an emo kid.
i think too much.
i care too much.




chiao

late nites

another few more mins before the final world cup starts. here i am mugging.i mean bloggin. hahahaa.. and msn-ing. hehehe..



see what i mean.. poor lappie.
its ok. u will get enough rest once everyyyythin is over. which i doubt so.
hahaha...

im just pretty bored lookin at my notes. tired my eyes.
ok. the match.


i dun really care whos gonna win actually.
so long for port loses their ass in the air to germ.




chiao

just another day...

woke up with PR notes all over me..my lappie is just right in front of me. poor baby. my room can never be any neater than this. i wonder when will i be the neat girly girl?

i switched on my rockie just to receive a msg from my love badrun.
i was touched by the words in the msg. life would never be the same you beautiful people. =)

just when i was hartbroken last nite, came a msg like this. i question myself..Fuck, what am i suppose to do?

i think i know what to do. first thing first is to cont my screwed up pr.

and tht is exactly what im gonna do after blogging.



chiao

new life? i dont think so

Well, at last I have change my blog skin thanks to cupcake.
Hmm, yesterday had my first paper. Mass media research. I somehow know that I have screwed it up. Just hope that I can scrap thru it. next paper is gonna be public relation. Another thing that I believe Im gonna screwed up too. Oh well, im screwing everything. Basically everything.

Was out in the morning to grab some breakkie. And it was raining.
Smelling the air, admiring the sky, feeling the atmosphere I feel that I was lifted by my surrounding.
Ok, I think I was just hallucinating. I think I have not been feeling well latelyshld cause all this weird thing. Lack of sleep and rest causing me to have my menses in the earl july and flu. It should be the cause of all this. it shld.

Im missing everyone.
Blame it on the weather, blame it on my menses.
I AM missing everyone.
Ok ok… I think the new skin is getting on me.
Getting on my emo side.
Oh fuck.


chiao

SSssupemmaannnn....

when down to plaza sing. to watch Superman Returns with cuppycake.

its a.... pretty disappointing movie i shall say.
but not to the point tht i regret watchin it. just tht the plot is too... bland.
kate bosworth acted as lois lane was ... a bleh never die no matter what.
brandon routh acted as the man of steel was justice able.
lex lurthor wasnt acting all so cool and mean guy who have tht lil kind in his heart. he was cute in a way.
there was this beech who keep makes me laugh. shes my fav beech according to cuppycake. Kitty Kowalski.
and then there was....... tristan lake leabu acted as jason white who is ACTUALLY.. jason kent. get the picture?
hes the superboy!!!

superman has a SON!
hahaha..
and lois lane is .. STUPID this time ard. like seriously.



and i believe there is a sequel. in 2009.
hopefully superboy and superman can fly together together.
and lois lane is cleverer.


ps- for the real story on SUPERMAN RETURNS check out cuppycake webbie.
=)




chiao

when its time

there are times when you dont know what to do..

your hearts want you to study while your brains want you to take a rest and reminisce? or vice versa...

well, im caught in between.

i just feel like bloggin bout this.

gonna get back to my notes.


chiao

ten days ago

gawd, been too busy with my prjts tht i hv no time to update my blog.
thank gawd im left with only mmr ppt which we got to present this thurs. and the burden will be lighter i suppose; as nuruls back from umrah. =)

well we celebrate both shanthis and badzs bdae yest. all of us who watch the videos for the both of them truly enjoy it. both of them love it. thats the most important thing.

i shall say tht everythin is goin smooth. yeah, a smooth sail when u suddenly realise tht its not smooth at all.

with a few months left, our advanced diplm course will end.
in a very short period of time, the things tht we all been thru.
good and bad, sad and happy.
this is wat makes our friendship very special to me.

i get very emotional thinkin bout it.
just like how badz describe it, i want to freeze time.
i want it badly cos its strange how time flies.

and ya, badz told me her wish when she blow her cake candles.
tht is sweet of u darl.
=)

im getting too emotional.like seriously.
and i wonder how come only now i realise tht im an emo kid?
haha..

im currently stuck with four songs. in which all four make me wanna cry. i know, im a wierd emo kid. but i cant help it.

and and and...
i make a stand.

i dun care if its right or wrong, i just love you more.



ps- gonna change my blogskin soon. getting tired of it alrdy.






chiao.

worldy cup

half time. pretty disappointed with england. dunnoe wassup with therry and lampard. not doin their job pretty well. and owen seems tht he's slacking, just kickin the ball ard. only beckham seems good. its been a while since i last saw him good on the field. haha... and hes damn hot in tht white jersey. yummy.

bro is watching the match noisily as if hes the manager or something. same with me but im more down. dad is making fun of him. haha... world cup is bondin time. two england supporter with one brazil fanatic.


lalala....

england england englandd......!!!


chiao.

have you ever thot

Have you realize that you have just let that one cherished moment with your chums gone? And the next thing you know, you wont be able to live for that moment again? I still remember back in sec skol, when queens used to record the moments we have together. Like me and khai having cat fights almost every single day, fahm with her unique attitude, shruts posing as a model, mabel pretending to b a cute wannabe, mun flaunting her beauty, naz with her vocal… And it goes on and on. Those were the days.

So when you in your room, alone, reminiscing bout this, do you somehow feel the tears in your cheek? Have you ever thought whether its tears of joy or just that you wish you can turn back time and have that very instant back?

Will this make us regret fill with guiltiness? Or content and overjoyed?

Whatever it is, even if you drown the whole Singapore with your tears, you just cant turn back time.

So what are you gonna do about it? I asked myself.

I can try to cherish every moment. But is that possible?

Time is running. Are we running after it? Or just walking?

Soon, 2006 will be history. We will be moving.

Now we are confuse whether to continue enjoying our life or just simple start to capture the moments we are left with.

I dont want to live always looking back. Nor do I want to live looking only at the future. I want to live at this very moment. And to be on cloud nine.

Today is a pretty extraordinary day for me. So, I want today to be like every other day.



chiao

im not cranky la.

i dun really know how to describe tday. we all went to ps together.

well, after spending like two hours? in spotlight, i still hv no idea wat to do for my pr creative part. damn shit.

i dunnoe how am i suppose to feel towards certain things.

cos i believe tht the environment im in change what i think and feel.
but at the same time i dun want to be tht person who is mean or cold hearted.

i just wonder if chances were given the second time, will everythin be back to normal?
will there people who get upset and feel tht they are being left alone?

is it a choice that we can make?
or we want to as we want to show tht we are being selfish?


i just wonder...



ps- im tired and sick on how ive been treated at home.
like serious.




not goin to skol tmr.

need to finish up wat got to be done.





chiao

happy 6th birthday khimar

1st june 2000
6.47pm

me n the rest were waiting at the labor intensive ward for almost an hour. then suddenly, we saw the nurse. with a baby. its my nephew. with the eyes wide open, he look so innocent. the doctor came pushing my sis who is lying, with sleepy eyes. the doctor turn n asked us, have u all look at tht lil monster?

six years later, tht lil adorable monster now turn to a cute devil.

when i reached home, i saw tht lil devil playin his tony hanks skateboard game in his ps2. tht grown up lil devil.

being with him for six years, he have taught me alot of things tht is not possible before. i hv never seen for myself how an only child grow up. being the pampered spoilt child, he gets watever he wants. from the grandparents and also the parents of cost. cos of him, i learn tht i love kids. they are the most adorable creature and monster and witches alive. he taught me what is the meaning of childs play all over again. and also, kids love.


so to my lil evil, happy 6th birthday.




i love my khimar hawari.



=)



and to my beloves frans, happy birthday too.
muacks






back to js now. fuck.








chiao.

lets talk bout me

it is something tht disgust both me n my sis. but we laugh it out. actually it was kinda expected. its actually bout my bro. we know hes dirty lil secret. haha..

ohwell, me n sis hv a quality time just an hour ago. we share the same mind bout this particular thing. it is just tht.... things arent in our side just yet. till the day tht we can explode, we shld just play peace.

i suddenly hv no idea wat to blog now. fuck. THANKS MUM!
oh ya, my back is attackin my nerves. not tht my mum isnt doin her job. its just tht one is visible and one is not. one is stabbing me from the back n one is in front.

i need to spent more time in my four wall-ed cosy bedroom. the peace. its un-describable. laaliileeeeluuuu..oh btw my room is back to the ultimate messy state. THANKS EVERYONE!

my nephew is NOW addicted to desperate housewives. kids nowadays. and LOVELY mum is gettin on my NERVES. badly. note BADLY. life can never get any better.
oh ya her bdae is comin up soon. another disaster.

actually my life is not tht sucky anymore. its more to, im livin with this kinda shit all my life. so yea, im jsut livin with it.

prjts are like killin everyone. no time to slack. haha.. like real only.







i miss my queens.




chiao

a chocolatey date

had lunch with lina, durani, nurul and cupcake. had a wonderful bondin time together. hehe..

so while i wait for my ahem fren to come me, lina n cupcake book the study room to do OUR prjt. at the end of the day cupcake only manage to type only four sentence for her js while me n lina manage to complete half of the qns for the interview. haha... nurul, pls dont kill us if u read this.

we are just havin 100 percent pure ENTERTAINMENT in the study room. its full of spore idol crap. yes. and not only tht we were JUNKIES. choccs choocccs and MORE CHOOCCCCS. i feel so sick now!!!

and the worse part is tht after all the junkies my ahem fren treat me to SWENSENS. =(
i didnt finish my fish and chip. i didnt even finish up my desert. i end up VOMITTING it all out!! fuck....

n now, here i am, forcing myself not to enter the forbidden plc in my home. TEH KITCHEN. hahaha... my LOVELY mum roasted chick! how can i stop myself, man!

so i gotta stop myself from my enterin tht forbidden plc.
i just can smell it from far.
far.....

i miss badz.

shangz n shanthi left without goodbye. im hurt.

anybodycanhealmybrokenheart?
=(


whatever me.




chiao.

i hv no idea why

i really have no idea why i wanna blog again.

i really dont.

something is just not right.

something in me is just not right. gawd knows wat is it.


i cant watch brokeback mountain now. i cant finish my one sentence of pr. i cant somehow laugh at jokes in msn. i cant.... fucking find my charger phone.


something is not fuckin right. damn

in skol

oh well..... im bloggin here with badz lappie. michael buble moondance is playing. lalalala..... we goin to the study room at one to do our prjt. yea...

im feelin not so good. i dunnoe why. may be the rrason tht badz is sitting next to me. wahahahaa...or just tht, everythin tht is happenin is a fake. i wonder, what am i really suppose to do? why shld be happening next?

gawd knows.

somewhere in the corner of the canteen. again, badz is staring at me. weird gal. im freaking out now. anyway i got to watch the da vinci code soon. but prjts gotta be done.

pls...






gawd







save the world.







chiao.

or is it just..

i dunnoe.






if it is really a new start?





or just








an act?




to be honest, i dun wanna know.
i dun want to crumble to pieces. and i dun want u to be bleedin inside.

i like it this way.
i really do.


=)




and i dunnoe if i shld b jumping for joy or pity the love.
its complicated.

but wat i know. im smiling for two reasons.


(its ok if u dun really get wat im blogging. just know tht im happy.)




chiao.

in a simple way

When was the last time you actually realized you make mistakes?

A week ago? Three days ago? Last nite? Or just now?

I make mistakes.

You don’t think you make mistakes, babe?

I put someone who is supposingly close to me in a difficult situation. A mistake that I regret doing. But am I really to be blame? Have you ever thought of the reason why im putting u in tht kind of situation? Did you try to save our frenship tht seems to be sinking? Did u really bother to ask me the real reason? All you did was to be sarcastic. All u did was to indulge urself to… self pity?

Well, I blame NO ONE if u hates me. Not even myself. Cos’ I know the decision that I make is for the benefits of both party. Believe it or not.

Now I dun care if u are not worth my tears or my pity. Cos atleast, ATLEAST u appreciate my kindness eventhou I know u did it in a sarcastic way.

Atleast you know that im a kind person.

=)

Well, as I say, let time heals everything. If u still really want the frenship that is.
I will now just leave you alone.

Cos now what I really have is my pride. That really matters the most. I cant let my pride spill all over again.

And I have wonderful frens who are there when I need them.
They hold my hand and lead me to the right path.

And I love them.
I really do.

It is just sad… that have to come to this mess.



Chiao.

its a LOVELY day

dear *****, i got something tht i will like to said. not in pen cos it will smear, not in pencil cos it will disappear. i dun wanna trust my printers ink to convey what i really feel. so im bloggin here eventhou i know u wont be aware.

im not gonna hate u nor am i gonna treat u bad. its just tht our frenship or watever u wanna call it make a wrong turn. i wont wanna blame u. i take all the blames cos in the beginnin i know its my fault. i acknowledge tht. but to think tht u say/do something like tht, its like u tryin to kill me while im slping. too bad im still alive. i may not be recoverin but im alive. i saw u stabbbin me but i mum bout it. in the name of frenship. i owe u alot. as fren. as a human. n i wanna thank u for everythin u hv done for me.
this is not the end yet. no its not. but the way i look at it, our frenship, is never gonna be the same again. ever again.


its sad when someone u know pretty well actually u dun even know them. i teared in silent while im in a big grp.

im not gd, but i can play the pretending game.

im glad somehow tht im not comin to skol tmr. i dunnoe why. not cos i dun wanna meet my love ones but its just tht.... there are alot of stuff tht i got to do.




chiao.

jurongpoint day

I have NO idea that my lil trip to jurong point todae is full of fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!!! Yes. After skol hottie me, sexy shanty, gorgeous badz and lovely lina took the train to tht plc. Hahaha.. well actually, I was pretty upset with myself as I was damn broke. Just lost my twenty bucks in the earl morn. =( (left with only three pathetic bucks with me) Hahahahaaa…

Seriously we have tons tons fun.and tht kiddy bunny hairband. hahaha.. it looks soooo cute. man, im lovin those ladies. really. Lalalalaa….

Lovely ladies I have.

N6280 works wonder for me. Im gonna called it rockie. Or do u hv better name for it? Tell me. My LINE is open for EVERYONE. Wahahahaha…

Im a happy gal todae eventhou im broke. Thanks to the three beeches.

Well, things happen for a reason and for a reason. (This is for the general. No one in particular.) life is full of ups and down. u fall in, and u fall out. its never easy. no one say its easy. never. and dun u think tht makes our life much more er.. colourful?

ive been thru alot of rubbish. yea. shits and stuff. but at the end of the day, there is always a light. i realise tht. whether its ur frens who make u laugh, ur computer games, ur puffers or watever it is. its just the matter of time n patience. u got to have both of it to carry on.


im high and im watching the last episode of DIA.
lalalalalalalalaa...

chiao

im still in skol

here i am in the canteen skol blogging. when i am supposing to do my mmr prjt with my buddy. well, im using her lappie now to blog. haha...

actaully i miss bloggin. as my comp is giving me prob and blogger.com is givin all the crap tht i cant even save my entries. sad isnt it? ohwell....i hve spent my WHOLE week, yes WHOLE week
in town after skol. well, spent with the days there with diff grp of ppl. awesome shit. and yes i need to play POOL again.

amazingly, i feel totally diff at the end of the day. after the joy of being with a lot of my frens suddenly when skols done, holiday is next day, i seem to be somehow reflecting myself. i have a talk with my fren a few hours ago. and it seems tht she told me things tht i hv not been expecting. and wat is making me worry is tht she is not gonna do anythin bout it.

in the other hand, news come at wrong timing. to be honest, i dunnoe how to react to it. well, as they all say, its all about pretending.

am i good at tht? im not sure. u be the judge.
er.... ok.
hahahahahahahahahaa...


chiao.

thank you fucker

its not one of those days i look forward to. where u can hear me laugh my ass of. bully them all. firstly i wasnt really feelin well. cough fever. i wasnt in the right mood too. emo moody. it all blends well actually. puffin my ass of todae make everythin worse.

but for sure i got to thanks badz for standin there when i suddenly have no one to turn to. i shld have expected it.

i was listenin to this one new mly song. a very touching one.
oh who cares.


mayb i need to be alone. you know like be A LONER.
then ppl wont misunderstood me.


and

the only person im angry with right now is...
myself.



fuck.



now i realise tht the sea didnt wash away my probs. the wind didnt blow away my worries. the sun didnt heal my pain.





chiao.

i wont blame you

i dunnoe how to start this entry.






really i dont.







being sandwiched.







on the verge of losing someone who is very impt.

















i need to stop.

stop the tears.











pleaassseee..

supposingly a good day

i dunnoe. it started of with a gd morn just tht somehow my tiredness was shown to my squirrel in the bus. yawnin all the way.. oh fuck

klass was pretty ok. with "guest" lecturers. a FEW gals pretty crazy over this married guy called warren something something.. all rush to have his namecard even when they were sleepin when hes presentin or not even paying attention. oh galss.... wat can u say.

after klass was when the socalled nightmares all starts. i dunnnoe. it seems tht i cause all the mess. the grp of us cant even decide where to go, what to eat, blah blah blah... n in the end my squirrel n me got to make the deicisions. A HEAVY RESPONSIBILITY we tryin to work it out.

wont wanna go in details here.

ok, must i declare here tht im broke. B-R-O-K-E.
i need money. M-O-N-E-Y.



whats worse?


im cranky now.


only squirrel sandy knows how cranky i am.


fuck..


chiao.

i need p!nk

someone got to get me p!nk latest album- im not dead. went to hmv n i was wow-ed by her album. im so lovin it. really. u got to listen urself. i was sooo tempted to buy it just now but due to the shortage of money, i cant afford it.

so... im really hoping a kind soul could give me twenty bucks so tht i can buy p!nks album.
im so desperately needing it.
someone PLEASE!!!

there alot of movies i got to catch.
i need money money money.

after listenin to p!nk, ive been inspired to cut n dye like hers.
hahaha... for gawd sake its p!nk.
PINK.



PINK.





i need my hot choc now.


chiao.

firsty day of skol

well wat am i suppose to say? WAT EXACTLY am i suppose to blog? actually nothing. first day of skol in my new advance diplm class is something tht u wont b expecting. its full of unknown and known faces. get wat i mean? jailani class todae. wasnt really paying attention as i was busy paying attention to my gay buddy- simin. the last time we sat next to each other...? i myself cant really remember.

ohwell, some changes here n there to the known ppl ard me. expected n unexpected ones.

well, tmr will mark the "one year frienship with the mdis" - sandy squirrel told me. tht reminds me of the first time i step to mdis. the first fren i make. and to think bout it, shes not even gonna b in my klass anymore...

from the first rose to the very last movie.
i miss my cheesecake.
my purple butterfly.

damn im getting emo now.

alrite. better get mysefl ready for the match todae.
man u i mean.
the devil in me.

chiao.

sentosa

in the earl morn i was woken at bout 6.30. the phone rang. a voice whisper- lets go to sentosa..
WHAT?!
so get to pack my luggage stuff n when to get my kuzins n suzi. two guys and three chicks. the sun is out.
it was actually have been planned by suzi(so called future sis-in-law) n my kuzin. beeches alive. what makes it one of the unforgettable picnic day out is tht it starts to rain at bout one. it did stop us frm playing in the sea but not when we hit the sand. but we got to go in the tent the guys make cos there is thunder n lighting. we dun wanna die soon. all so wet, we decide to play uno in the tent. i think our laughters are as loud as the thunder outside. less than an hour later we hit the sand. it is always useful to bring ball to the beach. BUT not the plastic kiddy one. enough game of soccer and volleyball, we are all ready for a swim.

it is such a beautiful day.
after all the mess i put myself in, life suddenly being kind to me yest.
=)

after that much fun, we got to fill our empty tummy.
so we hit jalan kayu for dinner.
the food nothin amazing. just tht they have this COIN PRATA tht is so famous everyone bought it. we are not excluded. yes its the smallest prata i have ever seen n its damn soft la.
n then we chat till midnight strike. it was pure fun.
pure gossiping.
n me being the youngest enjoy the most i suppose cos most of the stuff n done by them.
hahahaa..

n i was the quietest too.
tht makes them wonder what have the sea water done to me.

ohwell.

just recieve a call from my darl shurts.
shes in the airport.
gawd i miss my angel.

glad u back hun.
muacks.

ps- my body is aching.

chiao.

need a swim

hopefull shurts comin back todae. i mean fri. yes. the 14th of april. she got to. i miss her. the rest of the queens miss her too. buthey gal, did u buy the thing i ask you? haha..

ohwell, was sitting at home with nothing to do. the late evening was loookin outside and i realise how typical it is.
you know, mum just came back from work took their only child from skol. pri skol nipper walkin home wearing their PE shirts. aunts making noise in the kitchen with the wok n stuff. sec skols kids holding hands. blahblahblah.... something i realli miss. the typical things. u dun realli got to SEE all this but u know its all happenin ard u. get wat i mean?

n yes, i told my squirrel once how i wish i can just go for a swim or wat. tht dream is still not fulfilled yet. oh fuck. i hate tht.

i need tht kind of relaxation. u noe. looking at the sea.
i extremely in serious need of relaxation.
i need THAT THING to ease my shmabolic mind.
sigh...

n ooh yess. a new discover in my plc. my old lady is addicted to this korean drama. wat is called. jewel in the palace or something like tht. honestly im quite like it myself. but my OLD LADY INTO KOREAN DRAMAS?!?!?! its like she sudddenly like watchin cartoons in the theater. not just say koreans drama la, she have never like any other dramas not even local english dramas. far from chinese dramas... (she only like mly lang drama) but now KOREAN?!

shes .... getting weird. hahaha.... its shld b in a gd way. a change shld b wise thing for her.

i suddenly have the impulse to watch something tht will make me think.
i wanna watch the da vince code. something tht is realli not me. i hv not even read the book yet. hahaha....

chiao

da de dum

im just fucking bored. cant sleep after i send my lil evil to skol. so here i am surfing the net aimlessly.

oh yes, i think i better watch mr n mrs smith again.
bang bang..
im goin all so crazy.

i so love that movie.
and my fav quote in tht movie is
john smith - come to daddy.
jane smith(ANGELINA JOLIE bashes him) - whos ur daddy now?

u rawk gal.

till then

chiao

dead man walkin

the last time i blog was a week ago. wat was i doin for the past seven days? a qns tht i have no ans to. but i do remember tht i dont get to see the sun for three damn days. ok, tht is soooo like a song tht i used to listen to but i cant remember the song. wat the hell am i talkin bout?!

only me knows, believe me.
im totally in my own world now.
ask me how im feeling recently and i will tell you one whole fairy tale.
the feeling is hard to explain in just few words like scared, hurt, happy, delighted, blah blah blah..
its a feelin.. like you laying in the middle of town. just being raped n totally so naked. u crying for mercy. but it seems tht no one bothers n treat it like some kind of artistic street performing.
its a feelin.. like u cant die nor u can live. u are so caught in the middle of nothin. ppl ard are tryin to pretend they care but yet their acting sucks. u have absolutely no one to turn to except urself.

and just todae i realise how hard is it for me to accept reality.
name me good or bad, its not something tht its easy for me.
i was grown up by the fact tht nothin is fair in this world. n till todae i cld not tell myself tht, life is never fair. yes i can lie, ican shit all tht everytime. but can i run away from the truth tht i just cant fucking accept the reality tht LIFE is unfair?

times like these never once in my list. i know it was coming, but why mum bout it? cos i jus cant acknowledge the fact. still dont get it? its ok. im just here to express myself. who cares whether u cotton it on give no shit bout it.

ok, so i was bein tagged by famous fahm to do this thingy.

great.

im doin cos tht maniac ask me to. if not, dream on.



come up with 7 qualities of my ideal perfect lover.

#01 do specify the gender
#02 list down and tag another 7 people on their pages
#03 if you've been tagged before, you need not do this again

Gender: humans who have genuine male organ of copulation or also known as penis.

> tht creature shld do small lil things tht makes me want him. (cheeky me)
> tht soul MUST have tht grt sense of humor. (tht doesnt mean he can be as wacky as me)
> tht chap hv to hate everythin tht got to do with david beckham excluding his wife cos i know shes irresistible. (so tht i can argue with him whenever we watch football together)
> tht dude got to b there whenEVER i need him in bed. (lose it to my husband ONLY)
> tht guy got to b charmingly cute with brains (i don really like it if someone is acting dumb. blur is cute thou.)
> tht chap gotta b smart and averagely rich. (doesnt mean i want some so called "matured datuk")
> tht someone gotta love me (like DUH)

oh well, who cares bout the penis, if u got tht emotional thingy, u cant resist this thing.
no one can stop u from falling.
even when u know it is gonna hurt so damn badly..

so the next seven taggies goes to
>simin
>lina
>badz
>serene
>huiching
>siwei
>nurul

chiao.

its a day

today is the day that supposingly to be a day that alot of things happen.

like, today is the day that i realise whe i send my nephew to skol is tht birds are fighting with one another. the first one was right in front of my nephews skol. the next one was when i was walkin home. bloddy hell...
there is blood. everywhere.

today is also the day that i hv an EXAMINATION.
holy cowss.
ok its not realli an exams but a test i shld say. but it is one of the impt test. u know. that is why i called it EXAMINATION.

today is also Cupcakes legal 18th birthday. legal doesnt realli mean anything to u, huh?
we shld have a party to celebrate tht beech bdae at pulau ubin. she will absolutely love. lots of SWIMMING and CYCLING. its gonna b a day tht beech will absolutely enjoy. yeaa....

today is.. the day that i wont be able to talk or see my angel. since yest i shld say. she went off to the 5am flight to dubai. for how long? fucking two weeks. oh well, she needs the break. seriously. so i really hope u enjoy ur stay there gal. and dun u dare bring home an arab man. just the condoms will do. hehehee..

alritey.

im gonna get ready for my test. or i shld say in my own context> my EXAMINATION.
hahaha..
wish me luck.

chiao.

eat late nite disease

u wont believe me if i tell u this. i am hungry. yes i know. look at the time. its one-thirty in the morn. oh fuck. all this thanks to my sweet lil angel who hv trasmitted her eat-late-nite disease to me.

the-not-so-well-planned idea of wanting to bake cupcakes today was .. unsuccessful. due to unwelcome circumstances. fuck, it pisses me off thinkin bout it. i bet tmr will not be better. but anyways naz n shruts stepped to my plc to slack. nothin much happen so yeah.

newae i was browsing thru some stuff in the net when i saw this. i hv never like her. but this version of her i am so lovin it. hahaha.. so to those who is all time fav of snow white and the seven dwarfs, u shld definitely fall in love with THIS snow white. hahahaa...



chiao.

another new skin blogskin

it has been a tirin weekend for me.
esp last fri.
anugerah planet musik

but to be part of it, im more than happy. never been close to any celebrity before. and last friday was the first time. n im way above than cloud nine when i get the chance to face aznil nawawi. he rawk!!!

rossa is the next big thing. she can goooo fffaaaaaarrrr... as many say, diva in the making.
ratu aka queens are awesome. of course with the lead singer acts like monkeys. so cuteeee..
siti alil dull. mayb cos of the so called fact that she is with a guy who is twice her age. datuk some more.
dayang vocal was splendid. just tht i feel uneasy she sing MY ella song. ohwell. no one can beat my queen of rock.
n blah blah blah. cant talk too much bout it cos i believe its pretty late to talk bout it.

now. as u all notice, i have change my blogskin again. i think im pretty sick of it. easily. hahaha... this new skin i got to thank my maniac i mean queen of maniac for helpin me searching for it.

next week is my test n i hv not even touch my book yet. damn. i just pray to gawd tht i wont fail. shld make my another dream come true asap. hahahaha..

plan to watch a movie with my queens pretty soon as i didnt make it for the queens nite. just came back from the causeway.

tomorrow another plan is awaiting. cupcakes!!! not APRIL HOON BOON TENGsssss but real edible cupcakessss.. hahaha.

that is suppose to be a joke.

anyway better get going. skol at eight. for my lil evil.
damnn....

chiao.

a tiring day

went to town with my shruthi.
walk from one corner to another.
n for the first time i enjoy shopping.
well er... not realli just tht i like the way my beech try her things.
she picks the the right clothes.
she went to shops tht i dun mind goin.

n yea the corset is a masterpiece.
she fall in love it.
absolute gorgeous.
but the ninety-three bucks will cause a bomb in her pocket.

we saw huiching.
oh tht blur gal is so pretty now...
n happy bdae gal.
legal age now.....

a crazt idea pop out of our head n bang.
we met the msn porn star.
wont wanna elaborate this too much.
but yeah....
we felt pretty bad "didnt turn up" in the end.

then we met jegan n his frens.
tht guy is suppose to meet us n chill with us.
but we end up just meetin for a while.
so we chill with his frens, andrew and danny for awhile.
it was pretty cool.
andrews a nice fella.
n danny is all so cute.

danny says tht shruts hot.
but as in our view - hes tht kind of cute-but-fuck-and-go guy.
hahahahaha
now tht is funny

a cute guy who is a mixture of almost every race.
but hv the face of one night stander.
oppsss....

shurts came to my plc n drag naz along.
tht beech is suppose to go for some freakin camp but she end up in my room.
most of the time they both are the one who uses MY lappie.
n im just there, playin by myself.

~


what more can be said?



talk and make a conclusion.




but, you will be living in denial.








so someone got to move on.
before its too late.
before its too deep.


chiao

a poem for me

its easy for you to break someones heart
especially when its not yours being cut

fingers tremble
glass shatters

everyone will be hurt one day
from someone who love you dont
but you do and always pray

tears dry
nightmare starts

i was told to play again the same game
she said its just for friendships name
it will be both of you guys glory
back to the sweet memories that taste like honey

broken smile
holy sacrifice

wheres my pride?





chiao.

i shldnt be havin a bad day

it went pretty well in the beginning..
till one by one it collapse in front of my eyes.

was disappointed in myself cos i didnt have the chance to talk to someone properly on the phone.
i wanna talk to her. i miss her like hell...
but i dunnoe when im gonna see my cheesecake again.

ppt was ok however.
one to one presentation.

then we had lunch at long john sliver.
while waiting for lina to come.
met her at tcc thou.
blah blah blah..

~

the news hit me real hard tht i teared in the bus on the way back home.
just when i thot i can keep situations under control.
fuck.

have u ever thot u will make me cry all over again?
have u ever wonder tht i hate myself for lovin a soul like you?
have u ever know the pain i feel being the last to know?

mayb u didnt know tht sometimes its wrong to walk away.
mayb i realli got to let things go.

or mayb i just got to play those pretending game again.

oh well, watever it is.

part of me laugh.
part of me cry.
part of me wants to qns why.
why is there joy.
why is there pain.
why is there sunshine then the rain..

chiao.

break ups

was woken up at 6.
a news tht shld be expected.

another break up news.

wasnt realli quite sure how to react.
for gawd sake i was sleeping.
n its a six. six in the morn. on a sunday morn mind you.
but yeah, got to wake up and console the crying soul.

poor baby, a ten months relationship just ended with one fucked up sms.
u know gal, i swear upon my green apples tht he is gonna crawl back to u.
he will definitely sing in the rain crawling back to you from bsb. yea, ur old skol fav boyband. hehee..

n im glad i saw u smiling at the end of the day.
eventhou its not over yet.

u cry too much...

newae my angel is back. =)
gawd i miss her soo..
u get anythin for me dei?
hahahaaa...

i hope we can watch the msn porn soon. together. again
hehehee...
he learns new positions.
u will love it babe
hahahahahahaa...
anyone who wants to watch, click me ya.

is there any other word to replace i miss you?

chiao.

brand new...

never once in my life i thot tht life bein an eighteen years old gal is gonna be complicated. mess after mess came knocking on my door.

for most girls, we just cant wait to turn eighteen in the quickest time. being the "legal" age to do most of the stuff tht we yearn for all our teenage years. however there is this one thing tht we have forgotten to ask ourselves before we turn to tht "legal" age.

are You ready to turn 18?

a question thts been playing in my mind a few weeks ago.
mayb this wont be relevant to every one. mayb its just for me.
i dun noe.
but turning to an 18 years old lass have make me be more judicious, i suppose?
hahaha.. ok mayb it doesnt sound rite FOR me but its just tht i have learn alot of things since i turn 18.
i hv not been in this kind of situation before.
with alot of stuff to think about, i was suddenly given the most biggest responsibility ever yet in my life.
everythin happened in a rush. seriously. till i was sick the second day i was given the "respondsibility".
mayb i shld try to take the "task" slowly. mayb i just THINK too much. mayb someones rite, im emo.
i let my emotional controls me.
n yea, it is still controlling me in one of the situation i am now.
emo kid i am huh?
haha..

well, mayb its just time for me to... grow up i guess.


yea i know ive been making noise.. oh well
changed my blogskin cos im bored of the old one. pretty sick of lookin at tht black and white girl.

n yea, i hope shurts comin back home realll soon. she left yest..
oh dear...
im alone here.

n yea, hand in my grad prjt yest like FINALLY.
now im just left with the ppt.
something tht im realli not lookin forward toooo....
i have nervous breakdown whenever i do presenting.

well im pretty tired.
will cont ranting tmr.

chiao.

i will update soon...... reallllllll soooooon...........


=)

chiao

one whole day

i took the whole day just to type a short email to someone.
to find the right words, right phrase, etc. all this is to ensure what i wanna say, will not be misunderstood.

im not sure if im feelin much better after completing the email jus tht .... i dunnnoe how to explain it.

thats show why i got to take the whole day typing a short email.
im bad with words.
really.

and i have yet send. i dunnoe wat is stopping me.
oh fuck.

~

was listening to katy eggleton always never ever.
gawd, she rawk my socks.
ok... mayb not, but hey there is room for improvement.
the song is just not right. the tune is out.
but quite without you is cool.
anothe tuesday is also cool.
the rest is good.
well as i say, there is rooms for improvement gal.

~

shurts have retarded fingers.
hehehee..




chiao

with just one star

its a quite night tonite......
online, i engage myself talkin to my angel only.
no one else.
only late nite then i talk to simin.

went i look out the window, at the sky,
i saw a star.
just one star.
twinkling.

it amaze me how we stand on our own feet but keep falling down.
it surprise me on how we misses tht someone but have no courage to tell them.
it scares me to be in this mess n cant get out of it.
it freaks me out to know tht another day have pass without talkin to you.
it makes me wonder if i can continue being like this.

ohwell, i cant crawl back to you can i?
cos ure happy now.
n i wont be able to destroy it.

~

last nite, i watch the tammy porn video.
i was grossed out.
anyway, its boring.

it didnt even turn me on.
unlike paris hilton video.
it turns everyone on!!!
hahahahaa...


both of them lack of experience i suppose (not tht i have any) but well, its just tht..u got to see it for urself. even simin say its boring.

well, judge it urself la k..


I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

chiao.

its a killer

wat am i suppose to blog todae?
about how depressing i feel?
just like wat ive been doin for one whole fucking month?
gawd, im sick of mournin over it.

but isnt tht wat make me weep every nite?
bein a fool in the broad day light?

i cant fool myself any further.
not anymore...

a few close frens of me too feelin some kind of down lately too.
are we suppose to form a club or wat?

the state tht we are livin now...
never in my entire life bein like this before.

who make me cranky?!

i wont wanna tell who make me cranky todae.
my old lady n my oh-so-beloved kuzin.
how they rawk my world todae.

todae woke up with the mood of doin NOTHING at all.
i mean N.O.T.H.I.N.G at all.
but i hv no choice but to do all stuff..
tht leads to insincerity.
tht hv lead to unhappiness.
leading to me bein cranky.

kuzin came.
the long waited advises came out of the mouth.
screwing up my mood.
diggin to my beloved msn.
im lovin it.
thanks.

sis came to the rescue.
went to play house of dead 4.
till chpt 5-reunion.
there goes my last twenty bucks.
but awesome game.

~

i hope all this can be seen in a different light.
in a different point of view.

everythin happens for a reason and because of a reason.

see wat love have done, shurts....

it cant be describe.
not at all..

=)
when is the last time i see the smile???


chiao

grad meetin with a twist

todae was my grad meetin.
met the hoogaz. miss them.
my cheesecake too. can't realli remember the last time i saw my dear cheesecake. monthssss....
was glad to see her. realli.

grad meetin was pretty short. nothin much.
n we get a week extension for our gp submission. a big yippe.

oh ya, crash to EMILY in skol.
tht babe...scream my name n make me jump.
newae, im glad to see my sec skol beeches. kiddin kidding..

talkin bout sec skol, me n lina were talkin on msn bout the memories livin as sec skol students at nine in the morn.
awesome shit.
keep me awake in the earl morn..

~

if only you know how much i miss you..


chiao

just any other day?

well, hv not been slpin well this few days..
nightmares haunting me.
no. actually no nightmares la
mayb i slack too much or been doin toooooo many housework and it make me a zombie.

todae starts off with ME goin to the WET market..
its not tht i dun like goin to market but when its wet market..

gawd, the smell of the rotten eggs, unbathed stinky humans, bloody raw meats, polluted pesticides veggies, freezing bloated fish and the wetness just turn me off.

ewww...
sick.

and then went to pick my lil evil up.
the weather is such a killer.
im definitely melting away.
just hope tht todae will b bless with a few drops of rain.
i wonder which moron who wont like the rain...
oh no.. i dun have to wonder..
i alrdy know..

~

how silly of me to just know two nites ago tht frans and joe get to singapore idol..
i am soooooo outdated.

and emily, welcome to mdis.

chiao

look whos uncovered..

it amaze me how we can strip for some gucci brand and get some good cash. just to go nakeed.
lucky some ppl are.

hacker

some one hacked my msn yest morn.
make a hell mess.
change my settings n stuff like tht.
n not only tht, change my password too.
if u think its some kind of a joke/prank, haha its very FUNNY.

it took me few hours to "crack" the password.


i realise tht i hve not much time for my grad proj.
i got about three weeks to complete it.
alot have to be done here man.
got to start it asap.
mayb todae?
if the surroundings is peaceful enough.
if my mind is not complicated as it is now.

been listening to the song far away by nickleback.
a song tht remind me of some stuff...
ohwell.

ps- to those "i" IM yest morn, it wasnt me. im sorry if "i" sound ..err.... weird.

chiao

At Times, Love Dont Have Its Logic.

I Wonder Why...

im pretty bored.
old lady not in the right mood todae.
menopause i guess..

was hoping tht i can go out for some fishing trip but no..


- fishing is a relaxing "sport" where u can ease ur mind with the taste of the sea and the smell of the sky.
pretty awesome.
especially when you are in some so called dilemma.

suddenly i remember the first time you sing. for me.


chiao.

leaving

sandy is leaving tmr to phuket.
ernie is leaving on sun to aust.
who else is leaving?
you.

they come back, but will u?

this is wat i want, n this is wat u give.
wat more can i ask?
do i have anythin to say?
not at all.

i arldy state, there is nothin i wanna say to u.
cos i just wanna sit n stare at u..

sometimes, at one point decision u got to make.
whether its a wrong one or not.

i am to blame myself.
since when i blame u?
wasnt me the selfish one?

i was only thinkin bout me...
yeah, me..

~

went to do da scanning..
it hurts like hell...
bad news or gd news, i dunnoe.
gotta wait

right now, i just got to bare with it.

physically.
mentally.
emotionally.
psychologically.

chiao

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you cant undo
If I had my way
I would never get over you

I dont wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I dont want to talk about it
And I dont want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I dont want to talk about it
Cuz Im in Love with you

the master of sabo was being sabo-ed last nite.
not once. but twice.
i have to bath eight times to get the eggs, flour and some kind of spice stuff out of my body n hair....
thanks to my queens, bel, naz, muh n my whole bunch of kuzins..
now my back is aching
but i know its worth it
just tht, i need someone to massage my back..
=(

next time anyone wanna sabo me..
PLS PLS PLS PLSSSSssssss.. tell me in advance..
n let it happen in my bathroom.

letting go is tough..
the toughest when tht person is someone we truly love.
but life have to move on
with or without tht person..

shurts, we all are here.
for u.

its..my 18th bdae

woke up to the sound of my tummy.
i need the toilet emergency-ly
the i got to wake my nephew's up to skol.
tht lil devil doesnt want to. wats new.

just got back form sending him to skol.
he teared.
i hate it when he teared...wanting me.
i feel like a errr...mother..
well, i have no choice but to leave him to the hand of his teacher.
will b picking him up later..

so here i am bloggin...in the earl morn of 1st feb.
my bdae.
my 18th bdae.
its amazing how time flies.

i can see my wrinkles already..
=(

ohwell, have a few calls n msgs last nite to wish me..
thanks deariesss...

n yeah, last nite shruts, bel n muh came to my plc to chill.
it was pure fun.
esp when we got to watch this *ehem porn movie in ... msn.
then muh came with the idea of recording it soo.......yup
fahm, tell me u enjoy watching it!
to be honest, i think its pretty gross.
seriously dude.
i hope i dun have to see tht again.

i hope...
i hope..
i hope i have a great day todae.
wont wanna ask for more.

=)

shruts, i dun wanna see u cry.
not in this life of mine..

chiao